BILLINGSGATE POST: In a stunning upset that has set the world of pollsters and clairvoyants into hexagonal delusions and declining respect for their craft, Hillary Clinton, once again, scored a victory in Nevada by stitching together an unholy alliance of demented, post-menopausal baristas and vitally concerned, cross-crotched ambiverts.
Feeling spunky after the victory, her chipmunk cheeks reverberating as she nodded her head in a Woody Woodpecker cadence, she congratulated her opponent, Bernie Sanders, for never questioning her about her personal email server.
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," she affirmed to her adoring audience of cross-crotched ambiverts as they broke down the restroom doors for not properly displaying a silhouette depicting their equipment.
"Although I have been accused of speaking in tongues, I am not the polyglot you think I am."
"Have I ever lied? How would I know? Let's say I just don't respect the truth as much as some of my critics." Cupping her ear, she yelled, "You got a problem with that?"
"NO! NO!" her mesmerized caucus screamed as they poured out of the homogenized toilet facilities.
"We love ya Hillary!"