There were 98 spoof news stories published in January 2016. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Should Elected Politicians Be Addressed as THE HONORABLE?
No, no, a thousand times NO! Too many of them are total scumbags -- treating their spouses and/or partners like dirt, accepting and/or making illegal bribes, appropriating campaign cash for their own use, not keeping their campaign promises, etc. When I was in grammar school, we practiced writing letters to elected public officials and were always instructed to address them as THE HONORABLE...
Read full storyCERN Retracts Announcement of Having Created a Black Hole
Geneva, Switzerland - C.E.R.N., The European Organization for Nuclear Research, has retracted its claim made on Monday of having created an actual black hole in the collision chamber of the particle accelerator. CERN issued a very enthusiastic pre...
Read full storyBanksy Unmasked?
We met up with the perpetually elusive Brit artist Banksy at a pub in Soho London, the same pub ironically where J.K Rowling allegedly met her future publishing agent Christopher Little. Banksy wore a woollen mask and shades. Our reporter from "Hoodwinked" recorded the conversation. An Interview with Banksy Q. Would you call yourself a capitalist? B. No way. Loathe it. Q. Why do you st...
Read full storyTen possible name changes for the Washington R$ds$kin$
The name of the Washington NFL team is offensive to the majority of American Indians. And this isn't some satire writer's opinion, 67% of American Indians say they find the team name offensive. Even Canadian Indians don't like it. Not to mention a lo...
Read full storyDonald Trump To Wear Monica Lewinsky's Blue Dress For All Remaining Debates
NEW YORK, NY - Republican Presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, announced today that he will wear Monica Lewinsky's infamous blue dress during all remaining Republican debates and will also wear it during the Presidential debate with Hillary Clinton, i...
Read full storyPolitically correct nativity scenes sweep Christian nations
As Christmas approaches, many will be decorating their homes with more than just trees and lights. For Christians, a common tradition is to put a nativity scene somewhere on display. A nativity scene uses figurines and a stable to depict the story of...
Read full storyDarth Money Announces His Candidacy for President in 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Darth Money, representing the newly-formed GOP (Grand Old Plutocrats), has announced his candidacy for President of the United Empire. Funded largely through 501 non-profits and similar organizations, Darth Money is running on a…
Read full storyErskine Quint goes to Hollywood
After storming the Alamo in Texas, it seems that the US has no answer to Erskine Quint Intrepid Adventurer venturing further west into the higher realms of entertainment, movies and out of work waiters because out of work actors are taking their jobs...
Read full storyOrangutan Has Sex With Donald Trump's Hairpiece
An orangutan named Buzz Tolstoy has just had sex with Donald Trump's hairpiece, Kern County's Channel 13 news has just confirmed. The real estate mogul and presidential GOP frontrunner, 70, was just wrapping up a campaign rally in Bakersfield, Cal...
Read full storyRevised UK Department Of Health Guidance On Alcohol Consumption Meets With Widespread Anger And Criticism
Revised UK Department of Health guidance on alcohol consumption has met with widespread anger and criticism. 'Government cuts have now gone too far,' said John Smith, a typical British drinker. 'First they reduce spending on essential public servi...
Read full storyPresidential candidates to personally test Flint's water
Flint, Michigan - Determined to win back the good name of government, all of the remaining contenders for the presidency have agreed to personally test and evaluate the municipal water supply of this beleaguered city. "How bad can it be?" dema...
Read full storySanders unveils plan to allow America to be annexed by Russia
Burlington, VT - Today, Sen. Bernie Sanders unveiled his plan to allow the United States of America to be annexed by Russia should he become President. "It would not cost us one penny" said Sanders, "and what would we gain? Free healthcare, fre...
Read full storyAK-47 factory to be built in Florida: Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat and let's go to the landfill and shoot some rats!
POMPANO BEACH, Fla - The Sunshine State will soon be the home of Kalashnikov USA. The company has announced plans to manufacture the famous AK-47 assault rifles in Florida sometime soon. According to an article that ran Jan. 28 on WNCN North Carol...
Read full storyCBS - The Weather Forecast
CBS: NEWS ANNOUNCER. And it sure does look like the New World Order boys are determined to make a backyard religious skirmish between oppressed Iraqis and Jews into a global conflict between East and West, Muslims Versus Christians. How 'bout that...
Read full storyCincinnati Zoo names ugly baby penguin chick after David Bowie
CINCINNATI Ohio - You'd think a legendary musical artist who suffered for a year and a half with cancer before his death would just be allowed to rest in peace. But no, a zoo named a baby blue or fairy penguin, who arrived to this world weighing 46 g...
Read full storyCold and Fever Exchange New Year's Resolutions to Lose Weight and Gain Weight, Respectively
At the start of 2016, long-time cohorts Cold and Fever exchanged solemn New Year's resolutions to lose weight and gain weight, respectively. Cold admitted to having really packed on the pounds in recent decades. He pointed to the oft-touted home r...
Read full storyMan selflessly prioritizes supporting NFL team over his own well-being
Donning his lucky team jersey and some disheveled levi jeans, local man Stan Malone sits anxiously on his stadium seat completely absorbed in the NFL game. Casting aside all other activities and plans that could improve his life, Stan nervously wa...
Read full storyTrump: Birther Attack on Jesus
Donald Trump seems strong in the race for the Republican presidential nomination, but that doesn't mean he'll curb his more fringe tendencies. This week, Trump spoke at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, where he brought his brash viewpoi...
Read full storyConspiracy Theories #3 - More Nightmares To Ruin Your Sleep
Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn't afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T...
Read full storyThe Sound of Smart Phones
The Sound of Smart Phones After Simon and Garfunkel Hello Smart Phone, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again. Because I'm sitting here almost sleeeeeeeeeping Until I hear my Smart Phone loudly beeeeeeeeeping And the train of thoug…
Read full storyTrump concerned that Ted Cruz will spend thousands of tax dollars on maple syrup
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump finds it very problematic that fellow candidate Ted Cruz is from Canada. Trump states that during breaks in the debate, Cruz surreptitiously drinks maple syrup from a flask stickered with Canadian flags.
Read full storyAffluenza studies to include buckteria, greedoscopy, and the psychohath
Recent attention to "affluenza," also known as "sudden wealth syndrome," has brought forward Philip "Filith" Von Lucre, formerly very wealthy but now transformed to humble student of the disease. Mr. Von Lucre descended from the families of Madiso...
Read full storyEnglish astronaut mimics Michael Jackson in heaven!
English astronaut, Tim Peake, has just been outside the spaceship to repair a bolt or two, but Houston called both astronauts back in early because Tim, rather a showman, thought he could use the moments to show off his latest dance routine! Tim,...
Read full storyNFL Rebrands Championship Game the "Superblow" for 2016-17 season
NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, on the heels of uncountable rule changes, arbitrary punishments, and overall ineptitude has contributed what he has refereed to as his "crowning achievement as Commissioner of the NFL". "Starting from the champions...
Read full storyEPA Formally Declares Clouds a Dangerous Pollutant
WASHINGTON, DC - Today, the EPA classified clouds as "pollutants" under section 202(a) of the Clean Air Act. The declaration came after a new study was released, indicating that clouds are playing a larger role in melting the Greenland Ice Sheet t...
Read full storyNYC creating jobs for its carriage-less horses
New York - Animal activists came one step closer to ridding Central Park of the carriage horse trade, proposing a variety of new employment opportunities in other fields for the equines. "It's all about jobs and the dignity of work for these noble...
Read full storySean Penn chap's up to El Chapo!
Ex-Madonna hubby and general film-star hooligan, Sean Penn, has furthered his interest in Middle America after supporting Haitian earthquake victims by chapping up to El Chapo, notorious prison breaker and multi billionaire Mexican drug dealer (and g...
Read full storyNot to worry, Big Brother is really your Big Buddy, at least when it comes to hoverboards
Who says the U.S. government is mean and nasty? Big Brother is watching out for you and doesn't want to see you get injured or killed on what it designates as a "counterfeit hoverboard". U.S. Customs officials have nabbed more than 16,000 counterf...
Read full storyRude Waiter Themed Restaurant Opens in Los Angeles Gay District, Closes After One Month From Reports Of Irreversible Psychological Damage
Just one month ago, another restaurant where the servers are explicitly told to be rude to the customers opened in the city of West Hollywood. The American-style bistro, named "Giant Dicks" for obvious pun related reasons, has already had to close it...
Read full storyTrump Announces Plan To Move Panama Canal To Mexican Border
BILLINGSGATE POST: Several months after declaring that he would build a semi-permeable wall on the Mexican border that Mexico will gladly pay for, the mercurial Donald Trump announced that he has changed his mind. Instead of a fence, which critics...
Read full storyPortsmouth County Sheriff chases Portsmouth Mayor in high speed chase following a city council meeting in Virginia
PORTSMOUTH, Va. - A wild car chase involving the Portsmouth County Sheriff following the city's mayor, Kenny Wright, shouldn't be marked down as 'political' but rather, a very poor decision made by the city's top dawg. And the mayor is now facing som...
Read full storyClinton's 1000 Bimbo Eruptions Still 19,000 Short Of Big Dipper's Ho Record
BILLINGSGATE POST: Bill Clinton had affairs with "thousands of women." So said Linda Tripp in a rare interview on "Aaron Klein Investigative Radio". Tripp was a pivotal figure in the Monica Lewinsky scandal and worked in the West Wing of the White...
Read full storyGlobal warming, penguins, and a whole bunch of ice cream
Is it hot in here? If by "here" you mean the planet earth then yes. Well that's not entirely true; it's still pretty cold in Canada, Russia, even Iceland. However, records show that average temperatures are increasing not only in the United States, but in the coldest nations on earth. Who's to blame? Scientists believe they have found the culprit; its name is Global Warming. Global Warmin...
Read full storyJihadi Donald Unleashes His Wrath on Caitlyn Jenner
Facepalm! Headdesk! Jihadi Donald is quickly running out of targets for his smear campaign and he must think of something fast, otherwise his silent-no-more majority might fall asleep and sink back into silence. Not to worry, though. His politi...
Read full storyWeirder Than A Stephen King Novel - A Rock Band With King and Dave Barry In It! Let Me Introduce You To The Rock Bottom Remainders!!!
Unannounced to most of us, one of the most incredible rock and roll groups has passed before us and we didn't even notice it. Maybe most of us were too stoned to catch it. This group was named The Rock Bottom Remainders and should have made the cover of the Rolling Stone except for one problem- it was made up of mostly literary figures. The thought of listening to people involved heavily with...
Read full storyHillary Vows to Come After Jihadi Donald with her UFO Fleet
Jihadi Donald has done it again! This time he's sent his minions to spread rumors about Hillary and Obama creating ISIS. Facepalm! Is he really that desperate? Granted. It's pretty obvious that Hillary has a rather, how shall we put it?, diversi...
Read full storyIs Storm Jonas Delayed Retribution from the Biblical Jonah?
You know the Jonah I'm talking about. Swallowed whole by a whale, he emerged totally intact three days later from the belly of the whale. There's speculation that Jonah is finally getting even. Rumor has it that he's sent a miserable snow storm to the U.S. to belatedly protest his three-day illegal confinement. Reportedly he's told friends, "Believe me, it's no picnic being in a whale's belly f...
Read full storyCollapse of Trump's campaign compared to the sound of the longest flatulence on record
As is well known in science hot air rises, but it also accumulates interiorly as a nation responds to candidates in the US 2016 presidential election. The sensation of this election season has been the way two mavericks have taken center stage in...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Picks Joe Biden As Her Vice President
Hillary Clinton announced she's picking Joe Biden as her Vice President running mate. Naturally, Bernie Sanders is shouting foul, as he defended her on her emails and using the bathroom during the last debate. "Thanks, but you're not getting the...
Read full storyMeditation to Become Compulsory in US Prisons?
Washington: Capitol Hill: A bill is to be presented before Congress tonight making meditation practice compulsory in all US prisons. It is unlikely the bill will get passed though as most representatives do not actually know what meditation is...
Read full storyGuantánamo Detainee Refuses Offer of Release After 14 Years in Prison and Tosses Conical Hat in the Ring
WASHINGTON - Three Guantánamo detainees were slated to leave the American prison in Cuba this week after 14 years in captivity, but early Wednesday morning, only two were willing to board the plane. The third - Mohammed Ali Abdullah Bwazir of Yemen -...
Read full storyBernie Sanders Proposes Maximum Wage of $16 Per Hour
MONTPELIER, VT - Today, Democrat Presidential candidate, Senator Bernie Sanders proposed a maximum wage of $16 per hour. In addition, Senator Sanders supports a minimum wage of $15 per hour. "Establishing a maximum wage of $16 and raising the m...
Read full storyTrump Plans to Nominate Palin for Supreme Court When Elected
NEW YORK- Sources inside the Trump campaign have confirmed that Mr. Trump and former partial-term Alaska governor Sarah Palin have discussed her eventual appointment to the Supreme Court. Mr. Trump has apparently made the deal in exchange for Palin'...
Read full storyTrump Has One Hair 600 Feet Long: La Toya Jackson Exposes The Donald's Vanity Secret
BILLINGSGATE POST: La Toya Jackson, still pissed because she was dumped by Trump on All Star Celebrity Apprentice, told Rachel Maddow on MSNBC that Trump's hairdo was actually composed of one hair that is 600 feet long, wound and curled to cover his...
Read full storyPoetic Justice: Supreme Court Rules Ted Cruz A Virtual Non-Entity
BILLINGSGATE POST: Not since April of 2010 has the Supreme Court issued a decision in the form of a limerick. Historically, The High Court of Scotland started this procedure back in the 1262 in order to keep an over-supply of poetic justices occupie...
Read full storyIMPEACH MEGYN KELLY! Trump Calls Her A Bimbo Alfred E. Neuman
BILLINGSGATE POST: Strumpet..Bimbo..Third class journalist. All grounds for impeachment under the laws governing the dissemination of news according to the Trump Institute. But worst of all, she is a "Bimbo Alfred E Neuman," so sez the Trumpster...
Read full storyNew York Yankees on the verge of running out of uniform numbers, so they opt for Roman Numerals up to MMMMI
NEW YORK, N.Y. - Primarily because of a rich history in professional baseball and retiring so many jerseys and numbers of its all-time greats, the New York Yankees are running out of uniform numbers. So the team is considering using Roman Numerals...
Read full storyBarack Demonstrates Why he is President
Washington Post: Washington. President Barack Obama today took the podium during a philosophical debate at Boston University. In a speech prepared by his advisers the President 'showed' awesome knowledge of Oriental and Western philosophy until h...
Read full storyFBI Pissed Off: Hillary Tells Them "Huma Weiner"
BILLINGSGATE POST: You can't make this up. Or maybe you can. By now everyone knows that the FBI is investigating Hillary Clinton's use of a personal server to handle her email account while acting as Secretary of State. Although she has consistent...
Read full storyWho said it? Sarah Palin or the Crazy Cat Lady just released from the Juno mental hospital?
1) "Mr. President, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke." 2) "Nuclear weapons are fun. I think every good upstanding American without a criminal history should have one or two of them." 3) "I'm a strong supporter of the NRA and I honestly believe, down in the bottom of my heart, that we should all start trying to put "FUN" back in funerals." 4) "'Ref...
Read full storyTed Cruz Changes His Name To "Air Force One"
BILLINGSGATE POST: "I will never have a plane with my name on it," said Ted Cruz in comparing himself to rival Don Trump; "unless I am elected president and change my name to Air Force One." "EGAD FAP! KAFF KAFF!..WHEEEZ! GULP! GLUG GLUG!" Whene...
Read full storyNorth Korea to Accept Ten Million Syrian Refugees
"Well, fuck!" said North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, "It's not like anyone else wants to come here. Yes, the double meaning --I said 'come'-- is intentional: After a typical eighty-hour work week, while subsisting on 1200 calories a day, the averag...
Read full storyPatriots blame lack of "Home Cheat Advantage" in playoff loss
The New England Patriots were robbed at a chance to recheat as Superbowl Champions, because they had to play the AFC Championship Game away from Gillette Stadium, according to multiple team sources. "It's always harder to win on the road," coach B...
Read full storyIf Trump Had a Hammer
To be sung to the melody of "If I had a hammer" If Trump had a hammer, He'd hammer in the morning, He'd hammer in the evening, All over this land. He'd hammer on Mexicans, He'd hammer on Muslims, He'd hammer at the love between Our brothers and our sisters All over this land. If Trump had a bell, He'd toll it in the morning, He'd toll it in the evening, All over Trump Land...
Read full storyBill Gates Desert Island Disc fav's exclusive
Bill Gates has been invited to talk about his fabulous life on Desert Island Discs an ancient BBC 4 radio programme and divulge to the world his favourite top ten songs, and here they are exclusively for you: 1) Money - Pink Floyd (what else?) 2) How much is that doggy in the WINDOW? - (Gates heard this as a nipper and the rest is history) 3) Tainted Love - Soft Cell (not in a gay way he...
Read full storyTen Reasons Why You are Skint
Ten Reasons Why you are Skint. 1. Your parents want you to get to heaven and only skint people they fervently believe go there say the holy books. Your parents may wear Shamrocks, turbans, beads and feathers or Eskimo hats, it really doesn't matter. You are mandated to stay skint for the rest of your natural because it would break their hearts if you didn't. After all they have suffered for you...
Read full storyMidwestern research hub finds surprising energy breakthrough through lightbulbs
The University of Dayton Research Institute in Dayton, Ohio made an announcement Oct. 19 on a groundbreaking discovery in the realm of general lighting. UDRI president John E. Leland announced the findings of the decades-long research project to nati...
Read full storyRonald versus Donald: Battle of the Clowns
The clowning mascot of the world's largest fast-food restaurant chain, Ronald McDonald, has set up his own party and entered the race for the White House election in November 2016. "If a clown like Trump can convince voters, then all I have to do...
Read full storyGender Abolished; Teens No Longer Chained By Oppression
Gender has officially been abolished; states world leaders exiting a UN conference. "I feel that America needs to address the oppression that teens have to deal with just because they were born with a certain type of genitalia. " Says president o...
Read full storyTop 10 reasons Kim Jong Un wants a hydrogen bomb
[CLASSIFIED], North Korea - Korean Dictator and basketball fan Kim Jong Un is claiming to have developed and tested a hydrogen bomb. While it remains to be seen if the assertion is true, we can only speculate why the Korean strongman wants to add the world's most powerful weapon to his arsenal. Here are the 10 reasons we came up with. You may want to read them in your nearest fallout sh...
Read full storyTwo robbers chased down by lionhearted Englanders on a combine harvester
SOMEWHERE NEAR A CROP CIRCLE IN ENGLAND - When a fleet of fast police patrol cars isn't available, there's always a very odd chance that the trusty combine harvester might be around to go after rogue criminals. A trio of Englishmen stopped gun-wie...
Read full storyOther Othered from Support Group Forms Another Other Support Group
Seattle, OR--Andrew Yin, an Asian, trans-masculine, non-binary, tri-partisan Republican has quit his support group for Asian, trans-masculine, non-binary, tri-partisan Independents to form his own support group after feeling that he was "othered" b...
Read full storyHead Turner! Head Transplants to Simplify Transgender Operations!
Denmark: A team of scientist have confirmed a "technical success" in the first case of a "transsexual purposed" head transplantation. A somewhat ghoulish yet aspiring goal of science for decades to help quadriplegics, and those with debilitating auto...
Read full storyTrump and Sarah Palin talk cabinet positions in Iowa diner
Last night Mr. Trump and Sarah Palin met at Royal Star Super Burger, an Iowa diner, and the event turned into a campaign rally. Hunkered down with super burgers, macaroni and cheese, plus diet Pepsis all was going quietly until somebody yelled: "P...
Read full storyLackluster Musician's Vindictive Nature Causes Irreparable Damage
In standard teenage-girl-throwing-a-tantrum format, the talentless nobody, Amber Coffman, dramatically accused well known-music publicist, Heathcliff Berru, of sexual assault. On Monday afternoon, Coffman, best-known for her vocal contribution to...
Read full story"Walk this way..." School curriculum to include lessons in carriage and deportment
Carriage and Deportment is to be introduced as a compulsory subject in a pilot project in British schools as of the new school year, with the aim of preparing British youth in, well, how to walk and stand around. Little known to the public, world...
Read full storyPac-Man seeks to distance himself from Adam Jones after Playoff Meltdown
Pac-Man, the ubiquitous yellow circle turned video game icon has made a concerted effort to distance himself from Cincinnati Bengal, Adam Jones after his total lack of discipline robbed the good citizens of Ohio yet another chance to scrape out of sp...
Read full storyPhwoar and Peace!
With the news that it has been 'sexed up' the new BBC 're-telling' of Tolstoy's achingly stunning saga, War and Peace, promises to be a masturbators dream. Any attempt to do justice to the late great authors work has been jettisoned to appeal to a...
Read full storyNorth Korea denies testing H Bomb and claim it was only Tom Jones singing "Sex Bomb!"
North Korean, slightly eccentric president (understatement), Kim Jong-un, is again being accused of testing H Bombs in his incarcerated country, but it seems the world doesn't need to fear the Nutter because they got their "bombs" mixed up! During...
Read full storySex Ordinary School in Trouble
A pupil at Granchester Comprehensive has caused trouble for the school with a spelling mistake. He sent an tweet to a friend that he was going to a 'sex ordinary school' when he meant secondary school. This slip resulted in the media descending...
Read full storyChurch Tells New Orleans SAINTS To Change Team Name
The Catholic Church is petitioning the owners of the New Orleans Saints to "please, already, drop the word Saints from the name of the football team." "You can call yourselves the New Orleans Devils," the petition asserts," but erase our non-vio...
Read full storyBeing a Smartass is Good for You, and Even Better for the Ass
I cannot tell you how uplifting Francesca Gino's recent article in Scientific American magazine made me feel. All my life I have been harassed, whether it be by my parents or close friends, as having a terribly sarcastic attitude towards life and all the assholes I have to share it with. Then, finally, I find an article from who the hell knows whom, which justifies my entire reason for being.
Read full storyFernetic speling intradoosed to Orstralya
Yestadee, th Orstralyan Govmint changed al speling over to a simplifide form of fernetic speling. "This moov" sed th Pri Minster, Mr Malcum Turnbul, "wil put Orstralya in th forfront ov wirld progres in edicashun. No moor wil we b slaves too an outda...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston Hunts Showers On Planes
Best thing about watching the Australian Open is the Jennifer Aniston commercial. She's cute, neat and doesn't appear to be in need of a shower. In the commercial, she is searching for the shower during a flight. No showers? This isn't an Air Emirate...
Read full storyEU launches campaign to "leave Chris Grayling"
European Union officials announced this morning that plans were underway to "leave Chris Grayling" within the next year. Speaking from Brussels, a spokesperson said "We simply cannot accept the endless migration of rubbish from Grayling and others li...
Read full storyOregon cowboys to open Malheur Refuge to a McDonalds, rodeo, and drive-in movie
Moving right along as soon as the media spotlight faded, the cowboys at Malheur ("bad hour"/aka "bad luck") Refuge, have torn down federal fence to install a gate to allow ranchers onto federal land. The question What Next? hangs heavy, according...
Read full storyJobs Outlook Report Shows Likely Shortage of Suicide Bomber Instructors
A report released yesterday by the United Nations subcommittee for Global Employment Outlook predicts a shortage of competent suicide bomber instructors beginning in the first quarter of 2016 and continuing, likely, forever. According to the repo...
Read full storyDoc Corbyn "has built a time machine back to the 1970s"
Opposition Leader Jeremy Corbyn has allegedly built a time machine which transports people back to the 1970s, it has been alleged. The allegation was made by Prime Minister David Cameron at PMQs. Cameron claims that the time machine is a bicycle, pow...
Read full story13 Things that Ruin Mankind's Faith in God
There are many things which ruin mankind's faith in God. Here is a selection of the biggest causes, in descending order: 1. Religion. 2. Greasy, fat, corrupt, middle-aged photographers surrounded by beautiful women who do what they tell them no matter how denigrating or violating. 3. Natural disasters such as earthquakes and George Bush Junior. 4. Unnatural disasters such as 9/11 and G...
Read full storyBetting for Britain: Osborne goes to the dogs...and horses
As stock markets become more volatile and interest rates remain pitifully low, George Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, is looking for lucrative alternatives to invest the nation's surplus income, and has discovered a genuine money-spinner. Osbor...
Read full storyAntonio Brown receives Grammy Nomination
At the behest of Adam Pacman Jones, the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences has deemed the sound of Antonio Brown crumpling to the ground after a vicious hit by Vontaze Burfict warranted Grammy consideration. Neil Portnow, President of...
Read full storyGunbattle TV: new in 2026
Today, 18 January 2026, we can report the launch of America's newest and most exciting channel. Gunbattle TV will start at midnight tonight. It will initially run for a few hours each night, before expanding into 24-hour format within the first year.
Read full storyHistoric storm, "Gee, it's Snowing Again" wallops north east
In what is now pretty much a commonplace occurrence, a giant winter Strom is impacting a large swath of the United States. Although, weather forecasters are calling it another "storm of the century ", Doug from Philadelphia was quoted as saying,...
Read full storySex education in schools to have practical side
In the new national school curriculum unveiled yesterday by the Minister for Education, Mr. Ben Down, a major change in sex education is to take place in Australian schools. The Minister said that practical work would be introduced into the teaching...
Read full storySharia law: Integration, Influence, Destruction.
A number of Western countries have been urged to integrate Sharia law (Islamic religious law) into their legal system by their Islamic residents. The idea has even found some favour amongst some of the leading and influential people, such as politici...
Read full storyFuture Superstorm, "SnoWallopAlooza", Shuts Down East Coast
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - A MONSTER storm that might pack blizzard conditions spun by the elite East-Coast media will, hopefully, live up to the hype, but New York City and Washington DC shut down anyway to allow government workers to take an additio...
Read full storyPutin Denies Saville Cover Up
President Putin of Russia has vehemently denied that he knew anything about Jimmy Saville's activities in the Kremlin when he was hosting 'Top of the Pops'. Our man in Moscow, Jonathon Weasel, tells us that the authorities maintain that lower rank...
Read full storyAn Englishman named George Bush is jailed for selling dead monkey heads and having beastiality images
LONDON, England - Some psycho named George Bush (no, he's from the Erith section of London, England, and he is not, and I will repeat, he is not from the powerful, influential, Republican, Texas family of U.S. Presidents), has been jailed for 14 mon...
Read full story"No more immigrants!" says the Prime Minister
In a statement to a group of unbiased human-only media reporters this morning, the Australian Prime Minister, Mr Malcolm Turnbull, announced that, despite UN orders, Australia will not be accepting its usual input of thousands of extra-terrestrial im...
Read full storyWill he or won't he?
Louis van Gaal has thrown the once almighty Manchester United into a Dutch dilemma! Will he or won't he? The great question that is sending the UK Tabloids into a frenzy as they grab at every available straw dribbling out of the Theatre of Nightma...
Read full storyLife for Sale
Wall Street New York Our Financial Times Reporter. Life has been floated on the US Stocks share market. It opened at a dollar a share. Dividends are rewarded per percentage yield converted into minutes and hours of extra life. It has no basis in reality, of course, but like money itself depends entirely on consensus belief for its existence. Speculators believe that if they can accumulate enough...
Read full storyYosemite park plans to change some ironic names
WASHINGTON, DC - Bid "adios" to some of Yosemite National Park's most ironic names. In an extraordinary move, the National Park Service announced today that it was changing the names of The Redskin hotel, Jungle Bunny Village and other beloved par...
Read full storyConspiracy Theories #4 - Enough To Write A Book About
Conspiracy Theories #4 - Enough To Write A Book About Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn't afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great A...
Read full storyCarson Palmer set to pen new memoir titled, "I Hate the Playoffs"
After yet another pedestrian showing in the NFL postseason, Carson Palmer has determined he will air his frustration in a new book. "This isn't just a money grab," the hapless quarterback stated, "I really do hate the playoffs." From his firs...
Read full storyMan tells Dr. Phil he loves his laxative, admits affair with a suppository!
It was a shocking episode on Dr. Phil's television program this morning as a middle aged man from North Carolina admitted to loving his laxative. Although one prominent TV commercial asks, "Are you in love with your laxative" most viewers think it is...
Read full storyPetticoats and Davy Lamps
Following the discriminatory wristband scandal in Cardiff, where refugees were required to wear coloured bands to ensure they could be identified by staff serving meals, the government has apologized unreservedly and has introduced measures which, th...
Read full storyIn solidarity to Cologne sex attacks Merkel will stand naked under the Dome!
Angela Merkel, better known as "sexy Angie", and rather pathetic Times Magazine's Women of the year 2015, has offered solidarity to the female Cologne sex attack victims by offering to stand naked under the Cologne Dome naked for an hour! After th...
Read full storyRon and Fred: Keg bitter.
Ron: No keg Fred, so I got you the usual. Fred: Just thought it'd make a change. Nehmind, they waitin' on a delivery then? Ron: No, gaffer reckons all the breweries stopped making keg bitter araand twenny odd years ago. I said to 'im, I said you ought to av a sign up behind the bar so as people will know. Fred: They don't tell yer nuffin now Ron, just do as they please without any warnin'. Ron...
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