Poetic Justice: Supreme Court Rules Ted Cruz A Virtual Non-Entity

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 22 January 2016


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Poetic Justice

BILLINGSGATE POST: Not since April of 2010 has the Supreme Court issued a decision in the form of a limerick. Historically, The High Court of Scotland started this procedure back in the 1262 in order to keep an over-supply of poetic justices occupied. Now that our own court is searching for historic relevance, it was not surprising that they chose the infamous Lewinsky vs Kaczynski case to set a precedent.

With Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg writing the majority opinion which was made in the case which pitted Monica Lewinsky against the Unabomber,Ted Kaczynski, the following opinion was issued:

We have ruled Lewinsky be no ho
Because "is" does not include fellatio.
However, we have concluded that
Since Kaczynski's letters went "bang"
He must be condemned to hang.

In anticipation that there might be an electoral issue as to whether Senator Ted Cruz is a natural born citizen because he was born in Canada, the Supreme Court has been advised by the Solicitor General to make a decision as to whether Cruz is eligible to become president. The Court was warned that the decision must be pithily written in acceptable limerick form or it will not be published.

The majority opinion as written by Associate Justice Clarence Thomas:

Previously it was ruled Lewinski be no ho
Because "is" does not include fellatio.
Since Ted Cruz was born a Canuck
All we can say is; what the f..k!

In a modern world as big as this
One might expect more than a phish.
Pork barrels and pigeon drops abound.
So how did we end up with this clown?

It is so ordered by the Supreme Court
That Ted Cruz be a man without a port.
In the Court's unanimous vote of collectivity
We decree that Ted Cruz is a virtual non-entity.

NOTE: Copies of this ruling can be purchased directly from the following website: www.supremecourtlimericks.com. All proceeds will be held in the Court's slush fund to prop up Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg during State of the Union addresses.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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