Written by Catchthisdrift

Thursday, 7 January 2016

image for Jobs Outlook Report Shows Likely Shortage of Suicide Bomber Instructors
Unidentified suicide bomber trainee

A report released yesterday by the United Nations subcommittee for Global Employment Outlook predicts a shortage of competent suicide bomber instructors beginning in the first quarter of 2016 and continuing, likely, forever.

According to the report, all competent suicide bomber instructors blow themselves up near the end of the training course once they start teaching the students how to actually detonate their device. Compounding the predicted shortage of current instructors is that upon self-detonation, the instructor also kills many of the students in the class. Those most likely killed are the students in the front several rows of the seats. The students less motivated to learn the material tend to sit in the rear of the tent and are therefore more likely to survive the blast. Those surviving students are the ones with lower motivation to blow themselves up in the name of Allah.

Said one student who declined to be identified out of fear for his life and the lives of everyone he knows, "Look, I get it.. support the cause and all that. But I just got a new X Box One for Christm... uh... I mean, for my birthday. I've hardly had a chance to play it and there are some wicked good games scheduled for release later this year."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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