Ten Reasons Why You are Skint

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Friday, 22 January 2016

image for Ten Reasons Why You are Skint
One of These Days....

Ten Reasons Why you are Skint.

1. Your parents want you to get to heaven and only skint people they fervently believe go there say the holy books. Your parents may wear Shamrocks, turbans, beads and feathers or Eskimo hats, it really doesn't matter. You are mandated to stay skint for the rest of your natural because it would break their hearts if you didn't. After all they have suffered for you to keep you away from the "root of all evil".

2. You hate yourself.

3. You care deeply about others and would rather go without than see them starve. You do not understand that the people you are helping don't want to see you go skint; for then you cannot help them any more. The poor need the rich and the rich need the poor. Outside of the London School of Economics this is known as "the law of the jungle". You didn't invent it.

4. You are a lazy sod who believes the world owes you a living.

5. You are addicted to something that steals your money,... dope, hookers, a religion, your family.

7. You have no respect for money because you do not know what it is and nobody who has plenty of it is ever going to tell you.

8. It scares you. Actually, money doesn't scare anybody. It is made of paper. You are scared of what you might do with it if you had enough of it; and so you avoid having it like the plague so that you can live longer... because you would rather live ten years in squalor than five in opulence.

9. You live in the present where the future doesn't exist except you always find it comes around like clockwork and this is precisely why smart dudes invented clocks and why lawyers the world over jubilantly chant their anthem on New Years Day... "Time is Money":; and so you would rather have a tenner today than a thousand quid in a month's time and nobody is going to tell you Oh Grasshopper that you are an idiot except your bank manager... if you have one.

10. You are a dreamer who gambles on outsiders religiously and figures he is going to win the lottery some day. You are not aware that the shrewdies make more money out of you, the incurable dreamer, than just about anything else. Don't believe it? Phone Hollywood or Bono... if you can afford it. Dream on, dude!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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