[CLASSIFIED], North Korea - Korean Dictator and basketball fan Kim Jong Un is claiming to have developed and tested a hydrogen bomb.
While it remains to be seen if the assertion is true, we can only speculate why the Korean strongman wants to add the world's most powerful weapon to his arsenal.
Here are the 10 reasons we came up with. You may want to read them in your nearest fallout shelter.
10. Needed something to go with the ballistic missiles he got for Christmas.
9. Pushbutton solution to the world's overpopulation problem.
8. The thrill of fireworks without having to count your fingers.
7. Flash from the blast evens out his tan.
6. It's cheaper than booking Bennett and Gaga.
5. Wants to "weapon up" before Obama mandates background checks on mad dictators.
4. Those nuclear physicist babes really know how to erect a centrifuge.
3. " Doomsday" setting can crush ice for delicious smoothies.
2. "Ask Dennis Rodman. He's the only one who really gets me."
1. Jump starts his farm fertilization program by scaring the sh*t out of everyone.