Meditation to Become Compulsory in US Prisons?

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Monday, 18 January 2016

image for Meditation to Become Compulsory in US Prisons?
Jail or Monastery?

Washington: Capitol Hill: A bill is to be presented before Congress tonight making meditation practice compulsory in all US prisons.

It is unlikely the bill will get passed though as most representatives do not actually know what meditation is but all will believe they do. Leading prison psychiatrist and expert in schizoid disorders Dr. Francis Franck who is responsible for the proposal said: "Prisons are a lot like monastic orders... except the food is better, entertainment is provided and the company is more congenial. It is the ideal place where inmates cam practise meditation helping them to a clearer sense of self and keeping them to lawful activities when they are released again into the wild."

Opponents of the move such as New York prison chaplain Fr. Leon Macduff said: "Meditation can lead to demonic possession such as that which afflicts Hillary Clinton and others in her circle. It is the last thing a prisoner needs. I have cast many demons out of Hillary and many of them, I am sorry to say, later found careers in advertizing, the media, marketing and the armed forces."

Another outspoken critic from the Carnegie Institute Dr. Aiden Abetting said: "The problem as we see it is that many immigrants from India and China and other places may take to crime in the hope of being jailed so that they can pursue spiritual advancement and listen to Johnny Cash records. Finding enlightenment is one thing... but we are strongly oppposed to anyone doing so at the taxpayer's expense. It's unethical."

The Dalai Lama said he hoped the Bill would get a fair hearing and he would be willing to send his monks to teach the convicts as he needed the dough.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more