Ronald versus Donald: Battle of the Clowns

Funny story written by T. Loaf

Saturday, 2 January 2016

The clowning mascot of the world's largest fast-food restaurant chain, Ronald McDonald, has set up his own party and entered the race for the White House election in November 2016.

"If a clown like Trump can convince voters, then all I have to do is be myself," said Ronald at the launch of his campaign for 'PartyMac'.

"PartyMac offers a whole new outlook to a young generation, though we will of course also be relying on experience. Alice Cooper has been named as designate Foreign Secretary of State while LeBron James and Dwight Howard will be hired as basketball surveillance experts on the Mexican border, tossing any intruders back before they can enter US territory. Quarter back, Payton Manning, is to become Secretary of State for the new Department of Touchdowns, while Mickey Mouse is to assume the office of Defense Secretary. "This will ensure continuity for our partners across the globe", explained Ronald McDonald. "It's a sensitive area and I don't want to gamble there."

Donald Trump was furious at developments. "Ronald is stealing my agenda", he complained. "This is not for kids. You need a brain and a hair-piece in this business, and the ability to learn. I'm doing all I can to get fit for this office. I can now spell Syria...but I still have trouble with the capital, Dummasskiss........and don't ask me where they are. Somewhere east of Kentucky, I guess. I know the difference between gun and gone, though. I think Ronald is underestimating the range of skills you need to run for the Presidency. I can spell that, too."

Ronald McDonald is proposing that voting take place directly at McDonald's outlets when ordering. "And when you purchase 3 Habanero Ranch Quarter Pounders with a Coke and Hot Fudge Sundae, you automatically enter the competition to become a party official in the Senate chamber", revealed the would-be President.

"This is grass-roots democracy with bacon", stated a PartyMac spokesman. "Trump is a clown, but he can't make burgers."

Rumors that Wendy's intends to enter a candidate remained unconfirmed yesterday, while KFC fueled speculation by launching a Pentagon cheese-bite.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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