There were 670 spoof news stories published in January 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Taylor Swift Nude Sex Video Lost
Nashville, TN Taylor Swift, after having a gang bang with Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, and Screech from Saved by the Bell was embarrassed to find out that there was no sex video shot. "This is just ridiculous! I am a H...
Read full storyNASA Says Mystery Rock on Mars Is an Old Jelly Doughnut
First the word was that the "discovered" rock looked like a jelly doughnut. Read the story at the San Jose Mercury News: "Jelly doughnut" rock on Mars suddenly appears That's old news, as NASA is now reporting that further investigation has rev...
Read full storyPOLAR Vortex In, POLAR Bears Out
Polar bears are disgusted. Their lock on the word POLAR has been hijacked. As one of them told Spoof Science & Technology reporter Gail Farrelly, "Once upon a time, when the word POLAR was given in word association tests, 99 out of 100 respondents promptly answered: bear. No more. Now most respondents say Vortex when prompted by the word POLAR. Go figure." The dumb thing, the...
Read full storyEnglish Soccer Player Admits He Is Straight
Sam Hall, a former English soccer star, revealed Thursday that he is straight, becoming the most high-profile soccer star to do so to date. The 33-year-old, who retired from the game in 2011, told English newspaper The Daily Lie that he wants to f...
Read full storyDenver Opens Up Colorado's First Marijuana Movie Theater
DENVER - The management of Denver's Zebulon Pike 16 Movie Theater Complex has just announced that they will be turning one of their 16 movie theaters into a marijuana smoking theater. Lance Swanee, 29, who manages the movie complex said that the m...
Read full storySpider-Man Out of Work
His Broadway show, "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" is closing, and he's not looking forward to joining the unemployment line. "The worst part," Spidey confided, "is that they donated my costume to The Smithsonian, so I have to scrounge around...
Read full storyElephant Saunters into NY Starbucks
What for, you ask? To buy his morning coffee, of course. On a break from a nearby zoo, the elephant munched peanuts and chatted with startled customers as he waited for his order, two dozen Skinny Mochas. He said he was watching his weight; s...
Read full storyGlow-in-the-dark Pigs Comment on their Plight
Think it's fun to glow green in the dark? (If you're so inclined, you can read about the green pigs here on the website of The Los Angeles Times). Many of the green pigs are not happy campers. One pig complained, "What do they think we are?...
Read full storyDanica Patrick's Nude NASCAR Calendar Is Flying Off The Book Store Shelves
CHICAGO - The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has just informed the national press that NASCAR racing cutey Danica Patrick's brand new 2014 Nude NASCAR Calendar is a tremendous hit. ADGA stated that the calendar is presently the fastest selling...
Read full storyA List of 10 Celebrity New Year's Resolutions
Every year thousands of Tinsel Town celebrities make thousands of New Year's resolutions. And according to The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency of Chicago only about 3 percent actually keep those resolutions. The ADGA stated that of the 97 percent that do not keep their New Year's resolutions about 69 percent are broken within the first week. Most of these include dieting, drinking, gam...
Read full storyThe Burger Miss Restaurant In Denver Is Making A Killing Selling Potburgers
DENVER - The Burger Miss Restaurant is a fast food hamburger franchise chain that is based in Sausalito, California. Company Spokesperson Bernie Butterbrick has just announced that one of the four Burger Miss Restaurants located in the greater Den...
Read full storyLand Rover Curiosity Discovers Pot Plants Growing On Mars
HOUSTON - NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb has reported that the Martian Land Rover Curiosity has come upon a patch of marijuana plants. Timmelfarb stated to the news media that early reports are that the cannabis is of a high grade and is ten t...
Read full storyAspen, Colorado Hotel Employees Are Being Paid In Marijuana
ASPEN, Colorado - Several national news publications are reporting that they have heard that there are some hotels in the Colorado winter resort town of Aspen that are paying their employees in marijuana. Jefferson Sierra with National Focus Magaz...
Read full storyDenmark's Beautiful Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt Denies She's Been Sexting President Obama
COPENHAGEN, Denmark - Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt has responded to White House reports that allege that she has been sending text messages of a personal nature to President Obama. The very pretty prime minister did admit that she...
Read full storyWoman Complains That Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Shot Down Her Drone
MONROE, Louisiana - Police in Monroe are investigating claims from a Mrs. Olivia Cheesbrew, 52, who says that she was out on her property flying her brand new drone when all of a sudden she heard a loud KA-BOOM! She immediately saw her drone shatt...
Read full storyA French Poodle In Colorado Accidentally Eats 5 Marijuana Joints
VAIL, Colorado - Animal veterinarian Dr. Griffin Willowbuck, 51, said that in the 24 years that he has been an animal doctor he has never come across this type of situation. Dr. Willowbuck said that a very frantic young couple brought in their Fre...
Read full storyProstitutes In Pueblo, Colorado Are Reportedly Acceptiing Marijuana In Lieu of Cash
PUEBLO, Colorado - A member of The Pueblo City Council has just informed the public that they've learned that prostitutes working the downtown area of Pueblo have developed a new payment method. It appears that the streetwalkers are now accepting...
Read full storyStudies Reveal Stabbing Yourself With a Bread Knife May Lead to Death
As shocking as it sounds, multiple studies have recently shown that stabbing yourself with a bread knife may actually increase the chances of severe injuries, and in some cases may even cause death, despite the widely-held belief that doing so actual...
Read full storyPaul McCartney Reveals A Secret He Kept For 47 Years
NEW YORK CITY - Paul McCartney was in New York City attending The 2014 New Year's festivities. He was asked by Calcutta Cotton with Music Moments Magazine if it was true that he and Ringo Starr were going to be collaborating on a new album. The...
Read full storyPot Shop Owners In Colorado Report That Women Who Smoke 3 Joints A Day Can Increase The Size of Their Boobs
BOULDER, Colorado - On January 1, 2014, the state of Colorado made it legal to purchase and use marijuana. And now several marijuana shop owners have come forward and stated that they have found that women who smoke an average of 3 marijuana joint...
Read full storyProperty mogul's beautiful, grieving blonde widow nixes Roman Abramovich $75m Fifth Avenue apartment bid
New York - The bereft widow of NYC property tycoon Howard Ronson has played a blinder to thwart a 'paltry' $75m offer for her Fifth Avenue, NYC home from Russian mobster Roman Abramovich. Stunning peroxide beauty Angelika Ivanc is challenging the...
Read full storyNFL adds 10 new rules for Super Bowl XLVIII
New York - American football fans can expect to experience a kinder and gentler Super Bowl on February 2. The NFL Commissioner's Office has developed 10 "super" rules designed to make the world championship game "safer yet more exciting than ever.
Read full storyQueen's ugly granddaughter still ugly despite yet more expensive plastic surgery
London, UK - Cross-eyed ten year old royal brat Lady Louise Von Battenburg-Hitler won't be seen in public for at least another three years after surgeons said there was nothing more they could do about her, uh, problem. Queen Elizardbirth's pug-ug...
Read full storyFord Relaunches Pinto for 2015!
Ford Motor executives announced today that the company will be relaunching its most popular bomb-on-wheels for model year 2015! Like the popular retro Mustang that was introduced in 2006, the new Pinto will look much the same as its 1970's counte…
Read full storyLas Vegas To Build An All-Nude Gambling Casino
LAS VEGAS - Reports coming out of Sin City state that gambling casinos are losing billions of dollars annually. The gambling casino industry is naturally very concerned about this detail. The Camel Hump Gambling Casino Corporation has announced...
Read full storyPlayboy Asks Denmark's Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt To Appear In A Nude Layout
CHICAGO - Playboy Corporation mogul Hugh Hefner has offered the stunning blonde prime minister of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt $1.8 million to appear in a nude layout in his magazine. Hefner spoke with reporters and stated that he knows that th...
Read full storyComedians have personality traits of assholes
Comedians have personality types linked with being total assholes, like many other creative types, which might explain why they are known for being such gigantic d**ks, researchers claim. They score highly on characteristics that in extreme cases...
Read full storyA Teary-Eyed Megyn Kelly Talks About The Divorce Rumors
NEW YORK CITY - Megyn Kelly has been in the news more in just the past few weeks than she has in her entire career. The FOX News talking head, as Vice-President Joe Biden dubbed her, has been criticized and in some cases praised for her outlandish...
Read full storyRussian Christmas Day shambles as Detroit, Ecuador and Roman Abramovich all in the red owing $18bn apiece
New York - There will be meagre spoils in Comrade Santa's festive sacs this Russian Orthodox Christmas Day as a triple whammy of bankruptcy debts threatens to throttle three of the world's top Bolshevik outfits. First up is the People's Federal Re...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey Says Justin Bieber Needs A Damn Good Spanking
CHICAGO - America's Talk Show Queen, Oprah Winfrey has said that the little pop singer Justin Bieber needs to realize that he is getting real close to self-imploding. Winfrey talking with Durango Tucker of National Focus Magazine said that the lit...
Read full storySofia Vergara Endorses Something Else
Modern Family actress Sofia Vergara has announced that she has signed yet another multi-million dollar endorsement deal - this time endorsing yet anther product she has not used, purchased, would ever dream of using or purchasing, has no intention of...
Read full storyWhite Doves Attacked By Raven At Vatican
VATICAN CITY - Two white doves that were released by children standing alongside Pope Francis as a peace gesture have been attacked by a large raven. The doves were pounced on right after they were set free from an open window of the Apostolic Pal...
Read full storyVampire Shark!
Today marks the fortieth anniversary of Peter Buckwad's bestselling novel, Vampire Shark! In truth, the novel might not be remembered today if not for the blockbuster movie adaptation, but we're celebrating the book anyway. The movie's popularity was the cause of the anti-shark hysteria that gripped the world in the mid-seventies and eventually led to the complete extinction of all shark life on t...
Read full storyMcDonald's Addresses The Happy Meal Rumors
OAK BROOK, Illinois - The McDonald's Corporation wants to inform its customers that recent rumors which were tracked back to San Diego, California are positively false. Golden Arches spokeswoman Nancy Zabeletta stated that the fast food giant has...
Read full storyKFC Agrees To Drop The Confederate Flag From All Of Its Southern Restaurants
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The spokesperson for KFC, Ty Picklefeather, has informed the news media that the fried chicken fast food franchise has agreed to remove the Confederate flags found out in the parking lot of some of its Southern restaurants.
Read full storyThe Weather Channel's Jim Cantore Says He Is Sick and Tired of The Word Snow
NEW YORK CITY - The meteorologist who is considered to be The Rock Star of Weather Jim Cantore recently talked with Durango Tucker of National Focus Magazine. Cantore who many say is more recognized than Rush Limbaugh has covered every type of wea...
Read full storyKFC Will Be Selling Duck McDuckies In Order To Compete With McDonald's Chicken McNuggets
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The KFC Corporation has just announced that they have partnered with the Robertson family of Duck Dynasty on a new KFC menu item. KFC Spokesperson Ty Wylerstaff stated that the huge chicken franchise chain had been looking...
Read full storyHappy Joy Airlines Launches Its Inagural Flight From Los Angeles Into Aspen, Colorado
LOS ANGELES - A spokesperson for Happy Joy Airlines is thrilled to announce that the airline has just initiated its first direct flight from Los Angeles into Aspen, Colorado AKA Cannabis City. Airline Spokeswoman Rhiannon Dibbledew, 29, told the n...
Read full storyPueblo's Porno Supermarket Closes and Reopens As The Big Dipper Pot Shop
PUEBLO, Colorado - Pueblo's TV Channel 101 has just run a story about one of the oldest pornographic video supermarket stores in The Rocky Mountain State. Channel 101, known as The Big Snowball, reported that the Porno Supermarket located just sou...
Read full storyButt-Slapping Replaces Knock-Out Game!
An old familiar athlete butt-slapping after a good play is taking over from the Knock-Out game that was the recent trend. "This is great", stated pimply nerd at a local high school. "I'm tired of getting knocked out. So he sneaks over and slaps a nice-looking young lady on the butt and she knocks him out. "Most guys think the new game is a lot better and some of the ladies say they don't...
Read full storyA Gasoline Station In Aspen, Colorado Is Raking In The Bucks With Its Fabulous Marijuana Promotion
ASPEN, Colorado - Local residents of the ski resort town of Aspen are as happy as woodpeckers in a kitchen cabinet factory. The word has gotten out that The Big Tex Texaco Gasoline Station is giving customers who fill up their vehicles three marij...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Diary Hacked By NSA #3 (Cute Ass)
Dear Diary, How can people get stories from my diary? Something funny is going on because they knew how I feel about terrorists and our oil purchases. OK. Let's see if this gets out. I try to stay in shape but I'm a little guy with a lot of energy but still I exercise..all but my ass. It takes care of itself. I don't even see it unless I back up to a mirror and the way my diary stories ge...
Read full storyThe Florida State Seminoles Defeat The Auburn Tigers To Become The Nation's Number One Collegiate Football Team
PASADENA, California - Old Man Winter did not make an appearance at The Rose Bowl as many Florida State and Auburn fans dressed in short sleeved shirts and shorts. Many of the female students wore halter tops and Daisy Duke shorts as they saw FSU...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Thinking About Buying Some Land In Colorado And Becoming A Pot Farmer
CHICAGO - Justin Bieber recently announced that he was retiring from the music business. The iRumors News Agency is now reporting that the Canadian singer is considering purchasing some land in the marijuana haven state of Colorado and becoming a...
Read full storyJustin Makes Daily Trip To Sperm Bank
You would think that Justin Bieber is trying to save up his sperm as at least his own blood supply, according to news reporters and some fans. But he is donating sperm regularly. He has apparently been changing banks lately after being spotted (an...
Read full story2.8 Earthquake in Illinois Was Kim Kardashian Twerking
The reported earthquake in Illinois Sunday has been traced back to the rear end of Kim Kardashian who was practicing her twerking while on a visit with a friend in Metropolis. "Once she got that thing shaking, it was like it had a life of it's own...
Read full storyAn Arizona Sinkhole Swallows Up An Entire Trailer Park
TUCSON, Arizona - Local authorities are baffled as to how in the world a sinkhole could have totally swallowed up an entire trailer park. Officer Concord Bookberry with the Tucson Police Department stated that luckily a local fortune teller Madam...
Read full storyDairy Queen Presently Test Marketing A Brand New Dessert Item
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota - The Dairy Queen Corporation in a move to increase their sales of ice cream products has just developed a new dessert item. Columbus Vee, a representative with the fast food franchise chain stated that the new item is pres...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Proud of His Brand New Tattoo
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The leader of North Korea has just stated in The Pyongyang Press-Post that he is positively thrilled with his brand new tattoo. The tattoo, which is a missile, was a gift from his favorite cousin Chung Fu Moo, Jr., who kne...
Read full storyThe Captain & Tennilles' 39-Year Marriage Hits The Rocks
PRESCOTT, Arizona - Back in the 70s, before cell phones, iPods, email, and Viagra, the husband and wife musical duo of The Captain & Tennille sang a song called "Love Will Keep Us Together." Well it worked for 39 years but unlike bread and mil...
Read full storyBillionaire Bill Gates Wants To Buy Burger King
MIAMI - Multi-billionaire Bill Gates visited the headquarters of Burger King and talked to the company's CEO about the possibility of him purchasing the global hamburger franchise chain. Gates mentioned that ever since he was 16½ he has dreamed ab...
Read full storyNew book claims pervy Russian ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev 'was John F Kennedy Jr's birth father'
New York - A new celeb memoir published this week says Jackie Kennedy shagged AC/DC Russian prima ballerina Rudolf Nureyev, who also fathered her son JFK Jr. Revelations from the Cold Whore daze also finger Jackie for hiring the Dallas shooters w...
Read full storyThe United Nations Tells Guatemala To Stop Talking About Invading North Korea
NEW YORK CITY - The secretary-general of the United Nations Ban-Ki-Moon has made it abundantly clear to the Central American government of Guatemala that they need to squash their invasion of North Korea rhetoric immediately. Ban-Ki-Moon informed...
Read full storyA-Rod's Lost Season: His Top 10 To-Do List
New York - - Slapped with a full season suspension by major league baseball, Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez has wasted no time in creating a productive agenda for his year out of the lineup. Here are the top 10 action items on A-Rod's A-list: 1. Write an autobiography. Working title: "Stop Needling Me." 2. Check the ObamaCare website for a better performance-enhancing drug plan. 3. Purch...
Read full storyMcDonnell Douglas Has Just Been Awarded The U.S. Government's Contract To Produce One-Man Stealth Helicopters
PITTSBURGH - President Obama is proud to make a very important announcement regarding the nation's military. The president speaking before a convention of retired gas meter readers in Pittsburgh stated that he had just signed a contract with the h...
Read full storyBrits confuse NCIS medical examiner Dr Donald 'Ducky' Mallard with Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson
London, UK - Grim news from Blighty this weekend shows loads of Brit goggle box-heads are totally stumped about NCIS 'quack' Dr Mallard's role in the Duck Dynasty homophobic rant saga. A UK drinks industry post-festive poll of 1,000 TV viewers pub...
Read full storyNASA Has Just Received A Very Generous Check From Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson
HOUSTON - The executives at NASA are thrilled due to the fact that they have just received a very generous donation from the patriarch of Duck Dynasty's Robertson family, Phil Robertson. Phil told the press that the members of his family have alwa...
Read full storyScientists Finally Admit An Astonishing Fact About The Moon
SAGINAW, Michigan - Two of the world's leading scientists have called a press conference to announce what they say is an astonishing fact regarding the moon. Dr. Heinrich Von Heinrich and Dr. Currington S. Clexweiser have discovered that contrary...
Read full storyCanada To Release Over 6,000 Illegal Aliens Into North Dakota
OTTAWA, Canada - The Canadian government has informed President Obama that they are getting ready to release 6,391 illegal aliens from the United States into North Dakota. A spokesperson for the Canadian government said that some of the illegal im...
Read full storyAntarctic Ice Traps Al Gore's "Cryo-tron" Ship
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - The Russian-flagged ship MV Akademic Shokalskiy has encountered some "problematic issues" after one of Al Gore's climate science projects began its tests. In simple terms, the southern-hemisphere Summer welcomed them with an icy e...
Read full storyNASA Has Just Purchased The Most Powerful Telescope Ever Manufactured
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - One of the largest telescope manufacturing companies in the United States has just developed what it says is the most powerful telescope ever made. The Southern Drawl Telescopic Company in Charlotte, North Carolina told...
Read full storyThings You Didn't Know About Justin Bieber
Old friend tells press after Bieber pulls one of his pranks. "He's my friend no more, no way in uh the bad place. He used to not be this way. Now I'm telling the ladies his likes and dislikes. I'm after money too." Here's some Bieber himself has...
Read full storyThe Top 10 Headlines of 2013
The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency based in Chicago has compiled a list of the top 10 headlines of 2013. ADGA Spokesperson Bagby B. Buckleybox stated that he sat down with several entertainment publications and news agencies and went over thousands of headlines. The group that Buckleybox met with consisted of Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo, Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle T...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Warns Russia and The United States Not To Mess With North Korea or Else
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea's Rice Paddy News Agency has reported that the leader of North Korea will no longer tolerate any hostile threats from either Russia or the United States. Kim Jong Un speaking at the world-famous Chopsticks Squa...
Read full storyDennis Rodman and Former NBA Stars Feast On North Korean Political Prisoners
Disturbing, yet unconfirmed reports, emanating from North Korea are suggesting that several political opponents of leader Kim Jong Un were set upon by a pack of former NBA basketball players, led by Dennis Rodman, that hadn't eaten in days as Kim and...
Read full storyAstronauts bumped up to first class for another NASA first
Moscow - - US astronauts will be flying at an unprecedented level of comfort and style, thanks to a new agreement between NASA and Russian space shuttle operator Retro Rocket. The upgraded International Space Station package brings first-class servi...
Read full storyScreaming Yellow Zonkers Back To Boomer's Delight
Now that Colorado has legalized pot, health food advocates and anti-obesity groups are holding their breaths. "Will there be a huge weight increase in obesity in our state, Will we see a bunch of Fat Harries and Bertha Biggs running around Colorad...
Read full storyA Huge California Sinkhole Swallows Up Kirstie Alley's Food Pantry
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Local authorities are investigating one of the biggest sinkholes in the history of LaLaLand. Officer Teddy Buffovich, 24, with the Hollywood Hills Police Department stated that overweight actress Kirstie Alley was home alone when...
Read full storyPortugal Has Developed A Two-Man Submarine That Can Travel From Lisbon, Portugal To New York City In 2 Hours
LISBON, Portugal - The Portuguese government has informed the scientific world that it has just developed a state-of-the-art submarine. The submarine dubbed El Submarino Fantastico (The Fantastic Submarine) is capable of traveling from the Portugu...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston Makes A Stunning Confession Regarding Brad Pitt
BEVERLY HILLS - Jennifer Aniston has been engaged to Justin Theroux, 42, for quite a long time. And the 44-year-old actress who is considered America's Sweetheart says that her patience is growing thin. Aniston recently spoke with Carolina Chipotl...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Purchases 10,000 Shares of McDonald's Stock
HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley has commented that she honestly cannot remember ever being as happy as she is now. The overweight star of Cheers has just announced that she is now the proud owner of 10,000 shares of McDonald's stock. Kirstie purchase...
Read full story83-Year-Old Great Grandmother Is The Oldest Marijuana Shop Owner In Colorado
DENVER - The state of Colorado has just announced that Sophie Higginwax of Denver is the oldest pot shop owner in the entire state of Colorado. The 83-year-old great-grandmother has just purchased The Grass Is Always Greener Marijuana Shop in down...
Read full story873 Pounds of Counterfeit Marijuana Found In A Denver Pot Shop
DENVER - Law enforcement officers have reported that they have confiscated 873 pounds of counterfeit marijuana that was being sold in a Denver marijuana shop. Officer Winthrop Tanninfaust, Jr., with the DPD said that the fake pot looked, smelled,...
Read full storyDenver Brocos Changing Name To Denver Doobies!
The Denver Broncos are considering calling themselves The Denver Doobies by the 2014 season according to a Source who has been talking to players. "We were told that might happen. They also say that a lot of NFL teams want to go to Denver to play...
Read full storyPETA Wants To Meet With The Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus
NORFOLK, Virginia - The executive director with PETA, Mimosa Ledbetter, recently stated on The Ellen DeGeneres Show that her group would like to have a nice friendly meeting with the representatives of the world's biggest circus, The Ringling Brother...
Read full storyJustin "Gerber" Arrested for DUI, Drag Racing in Florida
Only hours after leaving a police station in California, Justin Gerber flew to Miami area and was arrested there, accord to Florida police. "I guess he's fast becoming known as Justin Gerber because he acts like a child. I guess he never grew up",...
Read full storyDeputies Search Of Justin Bieber's Home Fails To Find Any Talent Or Charisma
Sheriff's deputies in California, with a warrant to search the home of teen pop sensation Justin Bieber, came up short and failed to locate any sign of talent nor the remotest sniff of charisma or charm. Investigators with the Los Angeles County S...
Read full storyNewt Gingrich Says Rush Limbaugh Is Crazy For Wanting To Eliminate NASA
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Former Speaker of The House Newt Gingrich is furious with his fellow Republican Rush Limbaugh and has called him crazy for his recent anti-NASA comments. In mid December Limbaugh was quoted as saying that the United States needs...
Read full storySofia Vergara Agrees To Make A Public Service Commercial For NASA
HOUSTON - NASA has just informed the national news media that actress Sofia Vergara has just signed a contract to star in a public service commercial for The National Aeronautical Space Administration. NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb said that...
Read full storyColleges Could Replace Football Teams With Race Horses
For the first time in the history of college sports, athletes are asking to be represented by a labor union, taking formal steps on Tuesday to begin the process of being recognized as employees. Ramogi Huma, president of the National College Playe...
Read full storyFord Unveils Its New 2015 Ford Thoroughbred
DETROIT - The Ford Motor Company has just announced that it will soon begin mass producing its brand new Ford Thoroughbred. A spokesman for the auto giant said that the Thoroughbred is a step above the Ford Mustang. Ford pointed out that the ne...
Read full storyNow That Marijuana Is Legal - Restaurants In Colorado Have Added A New Food Item To Their Menus
DENVER - The Colorado State Restaurant Coalition has informed the news media that most restaurants in the Rocky Mountain State have added a new item to their menus. CSRC Spokesperson Betty Fitzowitz remarked that effective with the January 1, law...
Read full storyEven sexier Super Bowl commericals this year
With millions in profits are to be made off of expensive super bowel advertising (the average cost of a 30-second ad for the Super Bowel was $4 million), U.S. corporations are going to present the most sexist ads possible on this year's Super Bowel...
Read full storyCardinal Baloney: Sister Uses Wrong Shoe Polish
Responding to widespread coverage of the church pedophile scandal in Chicago, Cardinal Baloney today issued a statement on behalf of the College of Cardinals based in Rome. At a news conference yesterday, in Chicago, personnel files of 65 pedoph...
Read full storyElvis Presley Named America's Top Entertainer of All Time In 49 States
CHICAGO - The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has just released the findings of its most recent national research study. ADGA Executive Director Bagby B. Buckleybox explained that back in November of last year, they sent out research questionnai...
Read full storyJapan To Launch An Unarmed Practice Missile Towards North Korea
TOKYO, Japan - The Saki News Agency is reporting that the government of Japan has decided to give North Korean leader Kim Jong Un a bit of his own medicine. Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe stated that his country will be launching what it calls...
Read full storyMadonna Said That Willie Nelson Invited Her To Visit His Tour Bus After The Grammy Awards Show
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna told Pia Confetti with Celebrity Globe Magazine that 80-year-old Willie Nelson confronted her backstage at the Grammy's and invited her to visit his tour bus for a bit of relaxation, Jack Daniels, and a joint or two. Madonn...
Read full storyElectronic turkeys on sale in Walmart stores to help quit Christmas dinners
Buying "just one more" turkey because you know you will quit next week or slipping another turkey into your grocery basket at the superstore? Remarkably realistic electronic turkeys are now on sale to help with post-Christmas or Thanksgiving addi...
Read full storyBrad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston To Star In "The Polar Vortex That Devoured Boston"
HOLLYWOOD - Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that former husband and wife Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston will soon be starring in the TouchRock Pictures production of The Polar Vortex That Devoured Boston. The movie will be directed and produced...
Read full storyThe Gorgeously Sexy Charlize Theron Explains What She Sees In An Old Goat Like Sean Penn
HOLLYWOOD - The question of the new year is what in the wide wide world of sports is the stunningly attractive Charlize Theron, 38, doing with an old goat like Sean Penn who is 53? The couple has reportedly been having sleepovers at her home in th...
Read full storyWeed-smoking Potlandians debate whether to legalize Nicotine and Alcohol
CANNABISTOWN, PO--In Potlandia, marijuana is legal for recreational purposes and is commonly smoked by nearly all of the adult citizens of that country, while alcohol and nicotine are banned. But the alcohol and tobacco industries regard Potlandia's...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Strikes Back At Beyonce After Jay-Z's Wife Calls Her A Peckerhead
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that Miley Cyrus is livid after hearing that Beyonce attacked her by calling her a peckerhead. Beyonce also stated that the reason why Miley has turned into such a spoiled brat is because she basic...
Read full storyThe Air Force Academy Says Cadets Caught With Marijuana Will Have To Wear A Red "M" On Their Forehead
COLORADO SPRINGS - The administrative board of The United States Air Force Academy has stated that even though the purchase and use of marijuana is legal in the state that does not apply to the Air Force Academy campus. A spokesperson for the coll...
Read full storyNew Syrian instability means Rock of Gibraltar is as strategic as ever to the west
New instability in Syria and the Middle East means the Rock of Gibraltar still has a major part to play in military peace keeping operations in the Mediterranean. Additionally Spanish pressures on Sovereignty issues are being regarded as pointless an...
Read full storyScientists admit global warming does not effect the US!
Global environmental scientists bewildered at the record, freezing temperatures hitting the US and Canada, have now admitted they pulled the wool (plenty of that needed there) over the global population whilst declaring the planet is heating up. I...
Read full storyWalmart Recalls Risky GE Food But Has More
NEW YORK - Wall-Mart Stores Inc. says it's considering taking legal action against "responsible parties" after DNA testing of Mrs. Jones Wall-Mart Cheddar Cheese showed traces of Pig's milk, the world's hottest Chile pepper --the Trinidad Moruga Scor...
Read full storyManned Mars mission arrives back before it is launched
A splashdown in the Pacific Ocean by a manned Mars space capsule has occurred three years before it was due to be launched, NASA announced this morning. A spokesperson said "Boy I think we were going to use too much nitro on that baby! This is al...
Read full storyThe Green Bay Packers Pack It In As They Are Beaten By The San Francisco 49ers 23-20
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin - The temperature at Lambeau Field was minus 15 with the wind chill factor. But Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers said that it felt more like minus 40, as she spent much of the game face down on the frozen Lambeau Field turf.
Read full storyRussell Brand Keeping A Low Profile After His Hateful Michelle Obama Comment
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Russell Brand has always been an individual who says what is on his mind. And that very type of thinking has landed him in hot water after he made a comment regarding the nation's first lady, Michelle Obama. A few weeks ago th...
Read full storye-Bay Chief Defends Kissing Devil's Behind
E-Bay CEO, John Donahoe today issued a press release explaining why a picture at auction of a women kissing satan's posterior, along with other auctions that had devil worship with sexual content, was allowed on the mega-corporation's auction site.
Read full storyAnn Coulter Reveals A Shocking Secret
NEW YORK CITY - One of the staunchest Republican females in the entire country has just made an amazing revelation. Coulter, who is known as the Unofficial Princess of the GOP, reportedly stated to her therapist that she is ashamed to say it, but...
Read full story