President Obama Has A Weed Problem
Yesterday at a news conference President Obama said that marijuana is no more dangerous than alcohol. He also said that he approved of the use of medical marijuana under controlled conditions governed by state law. As he said this, sweat dripped d...
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Beagle 2 Bungler to Smash Spacecraft Rosetta into Comet
A spaceship is about to embark on one of the most technologically advanced missions ever attempted - by smashing down on a bankrupt Comet store in Barnsley at 24,600mph. Bungling Beagle 2 professor Colin Pillinger is to supervise the practice ru...
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Denver Opens Its First Drive Thru Marijuana Shop
DENVER - Colorado state Senator Jimbo Quickdance [D-Denver] presided at the ribbon cutting ceremonies at The Wacky Weed Pot Shop. Ollie Rushmill, owner of the Wacky Weed, is the first pot shop owner in Colorado to have a drive-thru window at his m...
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Teenage Brit lovebirds caught in $4,000-a-night Caribbean hotel suite
Dominican Republic - Students who fled a $50,000 per year private boarding school because of the lousy British weather have finally been located by their worried parents after notching up tens of thousands of dollars in hotel bills slumming it in sun...
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President Obama Reveals Who He Is Betting On In Super Bowl XLVIII (48)
SAVANNAH, Georgia - President Obama was in Savannah speaking before a group of retired peach pickers. He told the group that he has always admired Southern pickers and he was not referring to guitar players. The president said that without pick...
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Justin Bieber and Beliebers Join Church of Scientology
Los Angeles, CAJustin Bieber announced today that he took a personality test from some people he saw on Wilshire Blvd. and now he is joining the Church of Scientology. He will bring his many fans, dubbed "Beliebers," with him into the cult. "I kno...
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Woman Claims The Vibrating Feature On Her Cell Phone Turned Her Into A Nymphomaniac
YUMA, Arizona - Susie Firkenmeister has said that she has always been an average red-blooded American girl. She commented that during her high school days she was a member of the cheerleading squad, the math club, and president of the student coun...
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Vatican's In Utero Baptism Initiative "Perfect Way to Get 'em While They're Young"
THE VATICAN - Though Pope Francis' turn at the papal office is still in its infancy, he has already become widely regarded as the most progressive in the Vatican's long history. But while doubters criticize many of his recent viewpoints as being "un-...
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Paris Hilton: I Feel So Very Lonely
BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton is a perfect example of a Hollywood celebrity who has it all because of her mommy and daddy. Hilton is known as one of Tinsel Town's biggest celebutante's since she really has no talent such as singing, acting, dancing...
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Police hunt internet punter who bet $1million that Queen Elizardbirth will RIP 'dead soon'
Windsor, Berks - British cops have stepped up an online trawl for someone described as a royal mug punter who has made a million dollar wager about the daft old bird dropping dead 'pretty damn soon' . Deploying the services of a forensic psycholo...
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What Does Rob Pattinson See In Kathy Griffin?
HOLLYWOOD - LaLaLand is all abuzz with the recent romantic relationship between Rob Pattinson, 27, and Kathy Griffin, 53. Friends of Pattinson, who is 26 years younger than Griffin, have asked him what in the world he could possibly see in the red...
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Kim Kardashian Explains Why She Has Been Feeling So Depressed Lately
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kim Kardashian has it all, fame, money, fancy cars, fancy friends, expensive fancy underwear, and a brand new fancy baby (North West). But lately the most popular member of the Kardashian clan has been very depressed. Tapioca S...
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George Clooney Gives Michelle Obama A Fantastic 50th Birthday Present
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has always said that two of his unofficial advisors, George Clooney and Oprah Winfrey have given him some fabulous advice. The president noted last summer that Clooney and Winfrey together have done more for the...
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Virgin nun in Italy gives birth to baby boy; Jesus!
It seems as though the fairy story of the virgin Mary giving birth to Jesus could be true after all because in Italy a baby boy has been born under similar circumstances! A Nun in Rieti, Central Italy, claimed she had no idea she was pregnant and...
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Twelve True Crazy Laws Still On Books in NYC!
It is illegal to congregate in public with two or more people while each wearing a mask or any face covering which disguises your identity. In New York, adultery is still a crime. Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. Throwing a rotten tomato,...
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Obama says pot no worse than booze...not in so many words
WASHINGTON D.C. - President Obama this week held tightly to his position that marijuana is no worse than booze, a bad habit that, if indulged in to excess, could lead to problems. "Could," that is. "Purple Haze was in my brain," said President Oba...
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Concerns about continuing provocation by Spain ahead of Monday's U.K. Lords Gibraltar debate.
Concerns have been voiced by United States Senators that Gibraltar is almost "under siege" again and Spain should be made to account for its actions, a select group of the U.S. international affairs department has said. A U. K. minister has also s...
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Joan Rivers Gets Into It With Ellen DeGeneres On Ellen's Talk Show
NEW YORK CITY - Joan Rivers loves being called The Queen of Mean. She has been known to turn herself into a vicious rattlesnake quicker than Wynonna Judd can eat a honey covered biscuit. Rivers who is 80-years-old still loves nothing better than g...
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Tom Brady's Wife Gisele Bundchen Explains Why The Denver Broncos Beat The New England Patriots
DENVER - Hundreds of sports writers from all over the world have written why they feel the Denver Broncos defeated the New England Patriots 26-16. Some blamed it on the fact that Tom Brady did not pass enough. Others blamed it on the fact that the...
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The Seattle Seahawks Bite The San Francisco 49ers And Are Super Bowl Bound
SEATTLE - There is no doubt about it - the Seattle Seahawks have some of the most devoted and rabid fans in the entire NFL. The Seahawks fans hold the noise level record for a stadium venue with 136.6 decibels which is roughly the amount of decibe...
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A Pot Shop In Aspen Is Now Selling Pot-Laced Pizzas
ASPEN, Colorado - Rudy "Weedy" Bloomingfield recently said that as a young boy growing up in Aspen he dreamed of one day owning a ski shop. Well Rudy grew up but he did not get that ski shop he dreamed about, instead he is now the owner of The Swe...
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Jennifer Aniston Makes A Stunning Confession Regarding Brad Pitt
BEVERLY HILLS - Jennifer Aniston has been engaged to Justin Theroux, 42, for quite a long time. And the 44-year-old actress who is considered America's Sweetheart says that her patience is growing thin. Aniston recently spoke with Carolina Chipotl...
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President Putin Has Told Kim Jong Un That The North Korean Olympic Team Will Not Be Allowed To Enter Russia
MOSCOW - President Vladimir Putin spoke to the Russian people and told them that he was going to relax his stand on not allowing gays to participate in the Olympic games at Sochi, Russia. He stated that as long as they do not act gay they will be...
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Lindsay Lohan Reveals Her Secret X-Rated Plan
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Lindsay Lohan flew down to Mexico to visit an aunt who moved to Mexico back in 1999. Lohan said that her Aunt Camille is one of her favorite relatives because just like her she has hundreds and hundreds of freckles. Whe...
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Miley Cyrus Reveals Her Goal For 2014
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - There is no performer in Tinsel Town who stirs up more of a fuss than Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus' daughter Miley. Miley relishes being up on stage in front of thousands of people and pushing the envelope farther than anyone before...
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High School Student Tells Classmates He's "No Homo" in PE Shower, and That He's Simply an "Admirer of Strong Penises"
ORLANDO, FL - Having grown up as the middle child in a family of six boys, 16-year-old Sammy Beezer has seen his fair share of penises in his day. "We took a lot of showers together to save on hot water. My life's been a regular sausage fest, so...
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Transport Minister McLoughlin says traffic volume on M25 halved by removal of lost pensioners
The Transport Minister, Patrick McLoughlin has had very large exit information signs with huge lettering fitted onto exits on the M25 motorway. Yesterday tens of thousands of missing pensioners including Vince Cable and Kenneth Clark, streamed of...
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Biker Pope Ignites Gang War
The news that Pope Francis has auctioned off his Harley-Davidson sent shock waves through the biker community. The bike had been a gift from the Harley-Davidson motorcycle company, who were reportedly outraged at the religious leader's sudden betraya...
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Justin Bieber May Get Jail Time
Justin Bieber is into trouble again, for the second time he was accused of throwing raw eggs at his neighbors house in Southern California. This time the neighbor filmed the whole episode and gave a copy to the police. "I won't stand for anymor...
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Empire State Building To Be Demolished
ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST by Frank Lloyd Wright In the effort to make New York City the most modern of all cosmopolitan urban centers in the world, the Empire State Building is set to be demolished this coming March. Too, the uber modern, Museum...
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Australia's shark conservationists now protecting species of Streptococcus bacterium
The seemingly incomprehensible actions of Australian shark conservationists who breed and put sharks into the sea have been topped by Brisbane based Germ conservationists. The increasingly rare Streptococcus pneumoniae, or pneumococcus, is a Gram-...
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