Even sexier Super Bowl commericals this year

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Friday, 17 January 2014


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With millions in profits are to be made off of expensive super bowel advertising (the average cost of a 30-second ad for the Super Bowel was $4 million), U.S. corporations are going to present the most sexist ads possible on this year's Super Bowel Sunday. Why?

The companies who make these ads know that appealing to their target male demographic, using female sexuality, increases the likelihood that these men will buy their products.

An estimated 108 million people watched last year's Super Bowel between the 49ers and the Ravens, and 71 percent of the televisions in America that were turned on at the time were tuned into the game.

Most of the viewers, of course, were male and very few of them, studies reveal, were ever much affected by the feminist movement of the past.

The exception would probably be having to compete with women for jobs and promotions, as women dominate some sectors of the world of commerce.

Iin all fairness, women too haven't got much feminist consciousness either. Although most of them oppose high restrictions on abortion, they are either willfully ignorant of the increasing state restraints, or are stupidly lethargic.

Too, women, even over the age of forty, don't mind being called "girls."

Well, back to the point: Obviously, beautiful, semi-nude women standing next to big trucks sell them, as TV male gawkers are sexually aroused and associate an F-35 with T& A.

Speaking of transportation, we all remember last year's Audi ad.

A high school kid goes to a prom without a date. Then, he marches into the prom alone, aggressively grabs a beautiful girl at the dance, and kisses her without her consent. Next, her big jock boyfriend gives him a black eye.

Ah, but his dad has given him the keys to the Audi, which is responsible, evidently, for his manly assault on the girl. We see him leaving the prom with the big black eye seated in the Audi with the girl next to him. She looks innocent and perplexed. She is a very young, pretty object.

Would anyone really notice this Audi assault? The Gloria's, Steinem and Allred, at least will.

And, of course, in the last supebowel, there was the Carl's Jr. ad where Danish model Nina Agdal eats a fish sandwich in such an the oversexed way that men have just got to eat, uh, something.

As she smacked her lips, while removing most of her bikini, there must have been a jealous American wife who threw some Super Bowel bowls of chip and dip at hubby's genitals. But striptease soft porn, no doubt, sells fat burgers to fat, sedentary men.

Was Ms. Agdal objectified? Come on. For most Americans you might as well be talking about a concept in string theory physics, just as foreign to them as female objectification.

In the last Superbowel, the Bestbuy ad said that women don't get technology. The GoDaddy commercial had the meme of a fantasy nerd landing the supplicant ready-to-use bombshell.

I can't wait to see if the new ads this year surpass those for female exploitation and, yes, I hear there's more pole dancing in this year's sublimated war feud - you know, it's called football. That's the game where a lot of the players get permanent brain damage so Audi can sell a lot of cars in the USA. Rah rah. Go Patriots!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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