There were 754 spoof news stories published in December 2013. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
The Women of Duck Dynasty To Appear In A Nude Calendar
CHICAGO - Mrs. Phil Robertson AKA Miss Kay has just announced that Willie's wife Korie and Jase's wife Missy have agreed to appear in a 2014 calendar to be named The Women of Duck Dynasty. Kay said that Jeptha's wife Jessica, who is a model, will...
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My Cellphone's Demand: "I Want a Selfie"
Sam, my cellphone, hadn't been working well lately, and now I know why. Blurred photos and bad connections had become routine. I complained about this in a phone call to my friend the other day. A few minutes later, I got a text message FROM my cellphone. Yep, you read that right. All text messages go through the cellphone of course, but this one was FROM Sam, my cellphone. Here's what...
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Mona Lisa Begs: Let Go, Lego
At a packed press conference in NYC's Grand Central Station last night, Mona Lisa (yep, the one who's the subject of Leonardo da Vinci's famous 1503 painting) told the world of her outrage to find out that someone had made a Lego likeness of her famo...
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Jennifer Lopez Addresses The Butt Reduction Skuttlebutt
NEW YORK CITY - J.Lo is used to hearing all kinds of rumors about just about every part of her body. She recently sat down with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors at a Pompous Pizza Parlor and talked about the fact that there is never a shortage of rumor...
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BOY Pandas Think Pink, Turn Out To Be GIRLS
"Thank Heaven for Little Girls," Maurice Chevalier sang in the background recently when it was announced at Zoo Atlanta that the panda twins born in July, once thought to be male, are female. Blimey! As reported in Oh, boy! Atlanta zoo finds ou...
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Dumpster Diving Is New Way to Get an Emmy Award
Folks in the television industry now recommend this as the BEST way to capture that award. They discovered this after reading an article in the New York Post: Worker Snags an Emmy ... that he found in trash. Forget arm twisting, lobbying, spending tons of money to "buy" votes. Not worth it, those in the know say. After interviewing approximately 100 dumpster divers for Emmys on the st...
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The real Nelson Mandela died in jail 'years ago' after Winnie conjugal visit: NATO report
Johannesburg, South Africa - An unmarked grave in south Africa's notorious Victor Verster prison is Mandela's last resting place according to a NATO file on the political activist's former wife Winnie. The report describes how a furious fight bro...
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Justin Bieber Is Dumb Like A Fox
NEW YORK CITY - Justin Bieber flew into New York City for an appearance on The Viagra View with Larry King and Regis Philbin. The Biebs told the elder talk show hosts that he wanted to give them a scoop. Both men sat up in their chairs. Justin then told them that he was officially announcing that he was retiring from the music business. No?" asked Philbin. "Yes" Bieber replied "You'...
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Warren Beatty Says He And Annette Bening Will Probably Get Divorced Over The Transgenderism Issue
HOLLYWOOD - Warren Beatty and Annette Bening have been married for 21 years, but as Beatty recently told Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk it looks like the marriage has hit the big Wall of Divorce. The actor who claims to have bedded 9,8...
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The KKK Says They're Proud of Megyn Kelly
TUCSON, Arizona - Megyn Kelly has managed to knock Obamacare, the Indiana Pacers, and The Tea Bag Party Christmas Party Fund Scandal off of the front page. The 43-year-old talking head with FOX News has stirred up a holiday hornets nest with her c...
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Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese
New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich is reported to have trousered one billion US dollars this week after brokering the oil scam of the century pawning Ecuador's annual $13 billion crude sales to China's Hoo Flung Dung Energy Corp. The deal...
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It's Official: Canada Most Boring Country in the Anglosphere
Researchers at Oxford University have bestowed upon Canada the dubious distinction of being the most boring of the six countries that comprise what's known as the Anglosphere: Australia, Canada, England, Ireland, New Zealand, and the United States.
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Duck Dynasty Star Phil Robertson Says He's Thinking About Moving To Russia
WEST MONROE, Louisiana - The star of A&E's hit cable show Duck Dynasty said he had no idea his anti-gay remarks would stir up such a sh*t storm. Phil Robertson, the Robertson family patriarch remarked to American Spotlight Magazine "Hey lemmy...
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President Putin Warns Kim Jong Un If He Fires Off Another Missile It Could Be His Last
MOSCOW - Reports coming out of Russia are that President Vladimir Putin has just about had his fill of the Asian Pillsbury Doughboy Kim Jong Un. President Putin told Russia's national news agency Vodkavich that he has never known a world leader wh...
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Kanye West Reveals A Secret To Barbara Walters
NEW YORK CITY - Kanye West appeared on The View with Barbara Walters and Walters let him know right away that she would not be putting up with any of his arrogant musings. West told her that she was not going to dictate to him what he could and co...
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North Korea's Kim Jong Un Offers To Buy South Korea
PYONGYANG, North Korea - In a move that no one saw coming the government of North Korea has offered to purchase the entire nation of South Korea. The Rice Paddy News Agency is reporting that the leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has made a very ge...
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Tennessee Votes To Make Twerking Illegal
FRANKFORT, Tennessee - The Tennessee Senate has just passed a bill that was carried by a vote of 32-1 that makes twerking illegal. State senator Florence Pennymaker [D-Memphis] stated that she's 34, and she is by no means a prude but having seen M...
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Rosie O'Donnell Wants To Wrestle Megyn Kelly In A Pay-Per-View Match
NEW YORK CITY - Rosie O'Donnell said that the heartless comments made by Megyn Kelly have really upset her children. O'Donnell said that most of the neighborhood children have also been upset and even traumatized at the callously insensitive remar...
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Selena Gomez Angrily Drops The F-Bomb At A Concert
LOS ANGELES - Selena Gomez performed at the Annual KIIS-FM Jingle Ball and was really excited since she heard that Vice-President Joe Biden and is wife Jill were going to be in the audience. After Selena began her first song, the microphone cut ou...
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Don't Wear That Bow Tie; It's Gay
I know you think wearing a bow tie makes you look intellectual, but it doesn't. It makes you look gay and you're going to end up getting your jaw broken by some guy who thinks you're giving men a bad image. And you can forget about getting laid. Women say they like that look, but they don't. They're yanking your chain. What they really want is for a man to dress like a man and not pretend he's al...
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The Reason Why NASA Has Hired North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un's Nephew
HOUSTON - The National Aeronautics Space Agency has just released a statement that it has hired the nephew of North Korea's leader Kim Jong Un. NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb informed the news media that 24-year-old Tong Song Chu has been hire...
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Megyn Kelly Addresses The Porn Movie Rumors
NEW YORK CITY - Santa Claus expert Megyn Kelly appeared on Live With Kelly and Michael. Michael (Strahan) asked her if she had any idea that the arrogant comment she made about Santa being white would have backfired on her the way that it did.
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Clint Eastwood Devastated After Finding Out That His Daughter Francesca Is A Democrat
CARMEL, California - Clint Eastwood, who is a dyed-in-the-wool Republican, is alleged to be angrier than a Persian cat at a skunk party. The devoted GOPer has just learned that his 20-year-old daughter Francesca has become a card-carrying Democrat...
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Marilyn Monroe And Her Infamous Bras
LOS ANGELES - There is no one in the entire United States who knows more about the legendary 50's sex symbol Marilyn Monroe than author Josh Butterweed. Butterweed has written more than 19 books on the famous blonde bombshell who President John F.
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North Korea Issues A Warning To France
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy National News Agency of North Korea has just printed a message that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has sent to the French government. It has been brought to Kim Jong Un's attention that there are three come...
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Adele pulls out of Roman Abramovich lavish $10million New Year's Eve bash
St Bart's, Caribbean - "She doesn't need fashion advice from someone named after one of Santa's bloody reindeer!" is how singer Adele's PR put it today following remarks by Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's current live-in squeeze Dasha Zhukova.
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Miley Cyrus Banned From The White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has just issued an official White House message which states that pop singer Miley Cyrus will not be allowed on the White House property. Colfax informed the White House Press Corps that th...
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Nina Dobrev Nixes Ian Somerhalder's Idea of Matching Intimate Tattoos
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder of The Vampire Diaries were recently spotted together at The Tipsy Tadpole Lounge in West Hollywood. The two were acting like lovebirds as Nina hand-fed Ian cashew nuts while he rubbed his left hand...
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Boeing To Move To Bangladesh To Hire Sweatshop Workers
Seattle--- Recently nine billion in tax subsidies were voted by the state legislature in Washington State to give to Boeing Aircraft. It involves 787 tax breaks ands the largest subsidy ever given to a corporation by a state in the nation's history.
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President George W. Bush Scoffs At The Gay Rumors Regarding Him and President Vladimir Putin
NEW YORK CITY - Former President George "WMD" Bush was in the Big Apple to appear with Regis Philbin and Larry King on their talk show The Viagra View. During the show he was asked by Regis why he had lied about there being weapons of mass destruc...
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Mike Bloomberg's Baby Grandson Caught with a Big Pepsi
The outgoing mayor of NYC has had a lot to say about large, sugary drinks. In short, he hates them. They don't jive with his health crusade. But his newborn grandson (he was born on Christmas Eve) ain't buying it. "Breast milk is ok," said...
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Louisiana Names Duck Dynasty's Robertson Family As Its 2013 Family of The Year
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana - State Senator Howie Du Croissant [R-Shreveport] has just informed the news media that the state has decided to honor the Robertson family, stars of the hit A&E television show Duck Dynasty. Senator Du Croissant stated...
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The KKK Will Hold A Parade To Protest The Suspension of Duck Dynasty Star Phil Robertson
TUCSON, Arizona - The national chapter of the Ku Klux Klan has just announced that they are planning a protest parade to take place in West Monroe, Louisiana, home of Duck Dynasty's Robertson family. The parade will be held to protest the suspensi...
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The List of 10 Banned Christmas Toys
Christmas is right around the corner and shoppers are scurrying around looking for that special gift for that special someone in their lives. Each year the top selling gift items are children's toys and this year is no different. For the past few years the Cheyenne, Wyoming-based toy research firm Toys Up The Chimney Researchers of America have provided a list of the 10 best selling toys.
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Walmart Is Closing Its One Store In North Korea
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail store has just stated that they will be closing its North Korean Walmart on January 3, 2014. A spokesperson for the retail giant said that the company was reporting an average of 15 shopping carts...
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A 91-Year-Old Great-Grandmother In Georgia Arrested After Police Find 3 Tons of Marijuana In Her Greenhouse
SAVANNAH, Georgia - Local police have made what they are calling the biggest marijuana bust in the state's history. Half a dozen officers with the Savannah Police Department raided the home of 91-year-old Agnes Leona Pigeonberry a retired high sch...
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Super Bowl to be played without helmets
New York - Unleashing a last-minute rule change that is certain to spark controversy, the National Football League has banned the use of helmets in the upcoming Super Bowl. "The NFL wants Super Bowl XLVIII to be the safest championship game ever...
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Sarah Palin introduces Tea Party's healthcare package
Nome, Alaska - The Republican Tea Party can no longer be accused of not having an alternative to Obama Care, according to presidential contender Sarah Palin. The former Alaska governor this week introduced the party's SAD program, an acronym tha...
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Walmart Admits Food Drive Was Simply Misplaced Compassion
Walmart issued a rare apology today for the tasteless advertisement that claimed its workers were so needy that they could use donations from its customers in the United States. The Bentonville, Arkansas based company which advertises better li...
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Putin-topping fantasies dominate London's Russian elite
London, UK - A poll of 1,000 London-based Russian businessmen with a personal net worth of between $20 and $250million has revealed their Top 10 favorite dinner party talking points ahead of the Russian Winter Olympics. "At pole position is the p...
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Keith Harris Arrested In Murder Of Orville The Duck
Ventriloquist Keith Harris has been arrested by police in Blackpool for the kidnapping and murder of his former partner and long term friend Orville. Officers from the resort swooped on Harris as he left his council house home in the Layton area o...
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Jay Leno Buys A Wyoming Woman's Volkswagen Beetle With 3 Million Miles On It
BURBANK, California - Jay Leno has one of the most extensive automobile and motorcycle collections in the world. He is said to own over 100 vehicles and 90 motorcycles most of them very expensive. Leno recently heard about 61-year-old Rayleen...
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Susan Boyle is still a virgin
Susan Boyle has never been able to copulate with a man and after visiting the doctor she was told why. She was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome which prevents her from becoming sexually aggressive with men. The diseases is a mild form of autism...
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President Obama Invites Denmark's Sexy Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt To Spend The Christmas Holidays At The White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has stated that President Obama was so impressed with the blonde Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt that he has invited her and her husband to the White House for the Christmas holid...
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Red Lobster Announces Some of Its Restaurants Will Be Renamed Blue Lobster
ORLANDO, Florida - Red Lobster Spokeswoman Bree Hugginharpee has just informed the news media of a change that the seafood franchise Red Lobster has decided to make. The company's board of directors decided that the company would keep the name Red...
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Larry King Sells His Viagra Factory To Hugh Hefner
NEW YORK CITY - Larry King recently purchased a Viagra factory located in Altoona, Pennsylvania. He just announced on his television talk show The Viagra View that he has sold it to Playboy Magazine mogul Hugh Hefner who is 87. King told his co...
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Hockey player suspended for having too many teeth
Cold part, Canada - Starting defenseman Larry McMurphy was suspended 2 games for his repeated violation of NHL dress code. According to section 3.41.2 "No player, in accordance with hockey tradition, shall have a complete set of front teeth." His sus...
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"What we did" guide to our first family nudist holiday
Sunday: Had breakfast with myself as the only practicing nudist. My wife and kids clearly thought it was an elaborate joke. My daughter wouldn't come out of her room. I played along with the "its a joke" routine until the taxi turned up to take us to the train station. Arriving at "The Shrivelled Husk" hotel in Huddersfield, we were met by a naked receptionist pervert. We went to the changing...
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NASA Reports That The Martian Land Rover Has Run Over A Possum
HOUSTON - NASA officials have just received a computer readout from the Martian land rover Curiosity which reports that it has run over what appeared to be a possum. One of the NASA executives who saw the computer message noted that a varmint type...
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McDonald's To Offer A Special Promotional Burger - The McMandelaburger
OAK BROOK, Illinois - The largest fast food franchise in the world has just let its customers know that it will soon be putting out a special limited promotional burger in honor of Nelson Mandela. Nancy Zabaletta spokesperson for the fast food cha...
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Nude Photos of Kim Kardashian Are Discovered In A Storage Unit In Cucamonga
CUCAMONGA, California - A manager of a storage unit facility in Cucamonga opened up one of his storage units and was surprised to see what was inside. Russ Figgford said that since the monthly payment on one of his storage units had not been paid...
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A Baltimore School Teacher Finds An Image of Miley Cyrus On Her Breakfast Muffin
BALTIMORE - Dee Dee Snuggatelli is an English school teacher in the Baltimore School District. She said that in her 7 year teaching career she has pretty much heard and seen it all. She told a local newspaper reporter that a few days ago she wa...
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Iceland To Name Its New Aircraft Carrier In Honor Of Nelson Mandela
REYKJAVIK, Iceland - Iceland has just announced that it will be naming its brand new state-of-the-art aircraft carrier in honor of South African President Nelson Mandela. A spokesperson for the Icelandic government stated that originally the aircr...
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America's Homeless Problem: The Final Solution
America's Homeless Problem: The Final Solution. By General Wolfgang Puck America Heritage Foundation. "We Offer Final Solutions To America's Problems." Every day there are over 3.5 million people in the United States that are homeless. Of course, many of them are hungry. As part of what is increasingly called the "war on the homeless" local governments and businesses are united in tryi...
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Walmart Removes All of Their Megyn Kelly Bobblehead Dolls From Their Shelves
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Walmart, the largest retail chain in the entire world, has just made it known that it does not take kindly to anyone attacking the sanctity of Christmas or Santa Claus. Walmart spokeswoman Kimberley Silverlace stated that t...
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Kim Jong Un Claims The Planet Pluto For North Korea
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un has just informed the United Nations that he is claiming the planet Pluto for his country North Korea. The leader of North Korea stated that he wants to make it perfectly clear that the United States and Russia...
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"Latina Shemale" Pornstar Revealed Actually To Be French!
Porn performer Samannthaa Coxxx, for years billed as "The Latina Shemale" was revealed today actually to be from Paris, much to the shock of her legions of fans. A teary eyed Coxxx faced an inquisitive press with contrition, apologizing to her...
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Justin Bieber Not Allowed To Visit The Statue of Liberty
NEW YORK CITY - The little Canadian pop singer Justin Bieber has just had a rude awakening on his visit to the Big Apple. Bieber had been wanting to visit the world famous Statue of Liberty ever since he was 9-years-old. He paid a visit to the...
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Larry King Buys A Viagra Factory
NEW YORK CITY - Larry King, co-host of The Viagra View, has just revealed that he's purchased a Viagra factory located in Altoona, Pennsylvania. The 80-year-old stated that he had been thinking about purchasing a Viagra factory for the past three...
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Hunger Games Star Jennifer Lawrence Confesses She Has A Crush On Jodie Foster
NEW YORK CITY - The star of The Hunger Games, Jennifer Lawrence made a surprise appearance on The Viagra View with Larry King and Regis Philbin. Lawrence stated that she has been a fan of both men going back to her playpen days when her mom would...
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Massachusetts Bans Tootsie Roll Pops
BOSTON - Massachusetts State Senator Ambrose B. Tamburello [R-Chicopee] led a movement to ban Tootsie Roll Pops from being sold anywhere in the state of Massachusetts. After a highly heated argument the vote was taken and the Anti-Tootsie Roll Bil...
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Selena Gomez Says Justin Bieber Is The Reason She Cancelled Her Australian Concert Tour
BEVERLY HILLS - Selena Gomez, who is 21, has just announced that she has decided to cancel her upcoming tour of Australia. The former Disney star who appeared in the hit show The Wizards of Waverly Place talked to Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywo...
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Long John Silver's To Introduce The Piranha Sandwich
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The Long John Silver's Corporation is getting ready to introduce what is perhaps its most interesting menu item in its 45 year history. Elmendorf Butterbox, a representative for the fish restaurant chain stated that the Pira...
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Madonna Rants That Christina Aguilera Is Too Skinny And That Someone Needs To Give Her A Hot Dog
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna was out in Central Park walking her pet flamingo when she was approached by an entertainment news program reporter. Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors asked the "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" singer what she thought about Christin...
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New York Mets Already Eliminated from the 2014 Playoffs
Flushing, New York - Due to an accounting error, the New York Mets baseball club has been mathematically eliminated from the 2014 National League playoffs. Mets principal owner Fred Wilpon took full responsibility for the arithmetic mishap. H...
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Miley Cyrus Agrees To Appear On An Episode of Duck Dynasty
HOLLYWOOD - The management agency that handles Miley Cyrus has just confirmed that the controversial singer has agreed to guest star on an upcoming episode of the hit cable show Duck Dynasty. Miley spoke with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innu...
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Popeye's To Open Up A Restaurant In Afghanistan But Under A Different Name
SANDY SPRINGS, Georgia - The Popeye's Chicken Corporation has just informed the public that it has worked out a deal with the government of Afghanistan. According to Popeye's Spokesperson Geneva "Chicky" Queensberry a Popeye's Restaurant will be b...
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Megyn Kelly's Hometown of Syracuse, New York To Take Down Her Statue and Replace It With A Statue of Santa Claus
SYRACUSE, New York - The upstate New York city of Syracuse, which is the birthplace of FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly, has decided that due to Kelly's way out-of-line comments about the color of Santa Claus' skin it will be forced to take some action.
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President Putin Gives Edward Snowden An Amazing Christmas Gift
MOSCOW - When Russian President Vladimir Putin granted asylum to National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden he knew that it would be a move that would be extremely beneficial to Russia. And the Russian president was right on the money,...
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Voluptuous Boeing Spokeswoman Silences Media
The machinists union in Washington rejected a long-term labor deal proposed by Boeing several weeks ago. The proposed pack was "take-back bargaining" and a very bad deal for the union. Without having access to machinists, the initial response of...
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Kim Jong Un's Sex Video Is The Top Pornographic DVD In Sweden
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A representative for Sweden's Ya Porn Corporation has just stated that Kim Jong Un's sex video is selling out in retail stores faster than it can be stocked on the shelves. Ya Porn reports that the DVD is titled Rice Paddy Girl...
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Taxman slaps royal scroungers William and Kate with backdated £1million bill
London, UK - Feckless gold-digger Kate Middleton and her idler spouse Prince William have been hit with a backdated £1million bill following an orgy of taxpayer handouts nodded through by Prince Charles. The bill covers more than three years of th...
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Kim Jong Un Says North Korea Will Donate $10 Million To NASA If They'll Agree To Put North Korean License Plates On The Next Martian Land Rover
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un has always been a fan of America's National Aeronautics Space Administration program. He says he has read over 15 books on the subject and he recently told The Rice Paddy National News Agency of North Korea tha...
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Mexico Is Blaming The Chupacabra For The Fire That Cancelled The San Antonio Spurs - Minnesota Timberwolves Game In Mexico City
MEXICO CITY - About an hour before the San Antonio Spurs and the Minnesota Timberwolves were to have tipped off in an NBA game in Mexico a fire broke out towards the ceiling. Smoke quickly engulfed the arena and it was evacuated. NBA officials hop...
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Famous Man Arrested In Attempt To Feed Poor
Pasadena CA--A series of people in the U.S. have faced arrest for feeding the homeless in public spaces. Yesterday, an activist appeared to feed the hungry in Central Park in California's Rose Bowl City. The Director of Health Services for the cit...
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Two Big Meteors Are Actually Space Ships!
Scientists say that what they thought, and what these ships thought we would think, were meteors, are actually spaceships. "Undoubtedly they are from another planet or might even be a combination US/Russia deal where they try to unite the countri...
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My Friend, You're Letting Your Wife Walk All Over You
I know we don't know each other, but I can tell already who wears the pants in your house. Why, I just sidled up to your wife and made a clever remark and here she is talking to me like we've been best buds since college, and what are you doing? Nothing, just as I expected. Even the guy next to you sees what a little twerp you are. He's ignoring you just like your wife is. How does that make y...
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A Homeless Man In Illinois Wins $293 Million In The Lottery And Gives It To President Obama
CHICAGO - Melville Paxperkins has been a homeless man for 17 years. He said that he lost his house in a poker game back on Labor Day of 1996. Mr. Paxperkins has been hanging out at the same Chicago corner for the past 15 years and he says that eve...
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Miley Cyrus Case Study: Scientists Discover New Form of Tourette's Syndrome "Tongue Twerkettes"
Doctors nationwide in the last few months have received a flood of calls, walk ins, and email correspondence from parents expressing concern over their childrens behavior. The main cause for alarm is that these children are constantly sticking their...
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F-35 Shoots Down Santa; U.S. Military Culture May Change
As reported in this space a few days ago, NORAD - who tracks the progress of Santa Claus -- almost killed the white-bearded jolly man. Santa, his sleigh and reindeer were on a trial run over the North Pole when they were mistaken for an incoming mi...
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The New York Knicks Have Barred Megyn Kelly From Attending Any of Their Games
NEW YORK CITY - The New York Knicks have listened to the majority of their fans and they have decided to make a decision regarding a comment recently made by FOX News talking head Megyn Kelly. Kelly remarked on national television that Santa Claus...
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Uncensored Cartoons Mistakenly Showed on Kid's Channel
A glitch of some kind hit 'The Kid's Channel' early this morning and was not pulled or corrected for some time, due to so many employees trapped in the bad weather. "I didn't know what was going on but I'm very sleepy in the morning and the kids w...
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Arkansas Asks Chick-Fil-A To Change Their Restaurant Name
LITTLE ROCK - The governor of Arkansas has sent a letter to the home office of Chick-Fil-A in Atlanta, Georgia. The letter respectfully asks that the chicken franchise please change the name of their restaurants located within the state from Chick...
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Twas the Night Before Congress (with apologies to Clement Moore)
Twas the night before Congress, and all through the House Not a creature was stirring, except for some louse Who took down the stockings hung by the chimney with care In hopes that a square meal might soon be there. Poor children were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of breakfast danced in their heads. Their mom in her work clothes, and dad with no job Looked long at their chi...
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Hillary Clinton Has Butt Lift - It's Not What You Think!
Instead of having to go have those bullets that were still in her body after that close call in the Middle East where she landed her helicopter right into the midst of a fire fight, $tar$ Magazine has learned that Hillary is actually in for a major b...
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Walmart acquires North Pole, outsources Santa to FedEx!
In a dramatic press conference held this morning at the corporate headquarters of Walmart, Inc. in Bentonville, Arkansas, a spokesman for the corporation announced the acquisition of the North Pole and the transfer of all of its operations to Benton...
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China's Jade Rabbit stumbles across Old Testament cemetery on dark side of the moon
Space - The existence of a vast lunar mausoleum stuffed with Old Testament prophets' remains was first mooted by the Illuminati during the notorious Judean power outage of AD 69. Biblical hysterians have since insisted the burial site predates the...
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'Fake' Mandela memorial interpreter fully booked for funerals including Pope Benedict, George Bush Sr and Queen Elizabeth: reports
New York - Commenting on his forward bookings diary for 2014 a New York PR company representing South African 'fake' signer Thamsanqa Jantjie said today their client had already accepted hundreds of provisional appearance dates all over the world:...
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Coming Soon: The iCondom
NEW YORK CITY - National Focus Magazine is reporting that The Milky Way Prophylactic Company, which is based in Long Island, New York, has announced it newest product. Company spokesperson Richard "Dick" Tarsonberry spoke with NFM's Durango Tucker...
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"Assholism" Proposed as New Personality Disorder
The American Pyschological Association (APA) is formally considering adding "assholism" as an official personality disorder to the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, as announced by a leading psychiatrist, who...
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US Postal Service Lays Off 200 As Tyler Perry Moves To Online Women's Clothing Catalogs
WASHINGTON- The US Postal Service announced today that it has apparently lost one of its largest, most dear customers and will layoff 200 employees in the next few weeks. Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe released a statement indicating that famo...
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Duck Dynasty Phil Robertson To Host Saturday Night Live?
After a petition urging A&E to reinstate embattled Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson has attracted more than 100,000 signatures and being backed up by hundreds of thousands of Facebook rants, Robertson says he might accept an invitation to appear...
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Auntie Jean advises Eric Shun - on holiday in Wales
Eric Shun asks Auntie Jean::Auntie Jean, I have accidentally come on holiday to Wales by getting on the wrong train. Is there anything I can do to stop clinical depression setting in? Auntie Jean answers:Eric, 1) Be optimistic, try to think that something will turn up. 2) Add up all the little joyful things that happen to you during the day. For example, there was no traffic on the road, you...
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Scientists State That There Are Cattle On Saturn
CARPINTERIA, California - Two of America's leading scientists were speaking at an assembly of Planetary Science students at Left Coast College. Dr. Heinrich Von Heinrich and Dr. Currington S. Clexweiser revealed an astounding fact to the students...
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Bernanke's farewell: 'switch Capitalism with Carnivalism'
Washington, DC - Americans won't have Capitalism to kick around anymore. The economic system that built the nation is calling it quits, scheduled to retire next month, when Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke steps down. In an impromptu news conference, sta...
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A Scottish Drone Lands Outside of Dover, Delaware
DOVER, Delaware - Law enforcement officials in Dover have confirmed that a drone that crashed on Bradford Frissyfrock's Farm did in fact originate from outside the United States. Officer Ty Bolero, 43, with the Dover Police Department stated that...
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Auntie Jean advises Mr. Completely whose arse is superglued to a toilet seat in McDonalds
Mr. Completely asks: Dear Auntie Jean, I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in Liverpool with my arse well and truly superglued to the porcelain W.C. Someone spread the glue all over the W.C. and like a fool I just sat down on it. I am permanently welded to the toilet bowl now and what's worse is that there's no door on the cubicle and I nipped into the women's loo as the men's was full.
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Walmart Spokesman Loses Control Punches Reporter
New York - At a press conference today Walmart spokesman Scott A. Reid faced hostile questions from gathered reporters. The press were called so that Mr. Reid could justify the U.S. retailers decline to aid factory victims in Bangladesh by participa...
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"Change the name Redskins?! Get the hell out of My Office, it's Nap Time!"
"What about that name your neighbor and friend came up with, the Washington Bravehearts?" said RedHawk StrongSioux, on his first day of his third week on the job. "I don't like the name Washington Bravehearts. I just don't," said Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder. "I like the name Redskins and that's the name we're going to be called until this world ends." "But Dan, the American India...
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Decades of incest uncovered in Britain's top cult family
London, UK - The news from Blighty is grim tonight amid reports that at least six generations of an extended Brit family have practised a cultish form of incest hidden from pubic screwtiny since at least September 1940. Now the true horror of the...
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