The reported earthquake in Illinois Sunday has been traced back to the rear end of Kim Kardashian who was practicing her twerking while on a visit with a friend in Metropolis.
"Once she got that thing shaking, it was like it had a life of it's own", stated Jean Evans. "I got broken glass all over my house but it did little damage anywhere else."
"I'll not try that again until I get away from that New Madrid Fault", Kardashian reportedly told the press.
The big twerk caused a small tsunami to hit Paducah, Kentucky just across the Ohio River. However, Paducah has a large flood wall so no one was hurt and no businesses were affected.
Jean stated that she had told her friend before she left to be sure and get a map which shows the fault lines around the U.S. and never ever to twerk around Southern California.
Meanwhile, there were several slot machine winners on the Casino boat in Metropolis.
"I guess it was when the boat rocked", stated $400 winner Jesse Barks from Nashville. There were buzzers and bells going like crazy and everyone grabbed their cash as we had to leave the boat in a hurry."