There were 487 spoof news stories published in September 2013. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Twitter Birdies Channel Elvis As They Twerk Instead of Tweet
Having problems lately with timely delivery of your tweets? You're not alone. Gail Farrelly, a science & technology reporter at TheSpoof.com, has found out that the Twitter birdies, wanting to thumb their beaks at management for labor compl...
Read full storyMcDonald's to Offer a "Loaves and Fishes" Special
McDonald's executives went into action as soon they read the story (see it here) on the announcement by archaeologists that they may have found in Israel the original site of the "loaves and fishes" miracle. (You'll recall the Bible story that thous...
Read full storyBlobfish Elated to Win "Ugliest" Competition
The results are in. According to an article on the BBC website, the blobfish has earned the unofficial title of "world's ugliest animal." Read the article and see a photo (but not on a full stomach) here. Others have chosen to interview Miss Ame...
Read full storyNASA's Robotic Explorer LADEE Is Not a Happy Camper
You might think he'd be over the moon about heading to the moon (read about the mission here). He's not. He likes the publicity. But he hates his name. Gail Farrelly, a Science & Technology reporter at TheSpoof.com, spoke to LADEE befor...
Read full storyParis Hilton gets oiled and fisted by Kim Kardashian - but it's not what you think!
Paris Hilton got oiled just before being fisted by Kim Kardashian during their first encounter together after they spent a moment clintching each other and breathing hard. Kardashian reportedly stated that she was tired and had to take a rest afte...
Read full storySparks and Mensa change their store layout
Sparks and Mensa, the high street department store for the highly intelligent has made a move to ensure that only those intelligentsia will be using their stores in future by changing the layout of the stores. "The traditional approach to stores,"...
Read full storyPolice Taser use Doubles - Call of duty blamed
British bobbies were under the spotlight today as it was revealed that the use of Tasers in incidents almost doubles with every release of Call of Duty. The shock trends were uncovered by using the freedom of information act and asking some kids nick...
Read full storyTop 10 retirement suggestions for Mayor Bloomberg
New York City - Michael Bloomberg is just weeks away from being forced out of office by an angry mob. (At least that's the way most envision his departure.) The mayor's forthcoming eviction raises the question: What's Mad Mike going to do with all of that free time he is going to have on his hands? Here are the top 10 suggestions: 1. Start by invading Poland. 2. Save a buck by doing...
Read full storyJapanese Astronaut Robot Gripes about His Wardrobe
The robot Kirobo held a press conference at the International Space Station yesterday to complain about his attire. (Read about him and see him here). "Like Rodney Dangerfield," he whined, "I get no respect." Kirobo is disgusted that his handler...
Read full storyHugh Hefner Says No To A Miley Cyrus Nude Layout
LOS ANGELES - The head of Playboy Magazine, Hugh Hefner has stated that his readers will not be seeing Miley Cyrus in the glossy pages of Playboy anytime soon; if ever at all. The men's magazine mogul told Bedroom Pillow Talk that Miss Cyrus, thou...
Read full storyThe Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader That Pranced and Danced In The Nude On The 50-Yard Line Star Has Been Fired
DALLAS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was so angry that several of the sports reporters actually thought that he was talking in Mandarin Chinese. He had called a press conference in his office located in the $1.1 billion AT&T Stadium. J...
Read full storyA List of The Top 10 Vampire Movies of 2013
According To The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency of Chicago, Vampire motion pictures have just surpassed sci-fi movies, superhero movies, fantasy movies, and animated movies in terms of overall popularity. The film series The Twilight Saga, which starred Rob Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner helped to popularize the vampire genre of films. Television shows about vampires helpe...
Read full storyDolly Parton Addresses The Burt Reynolds Sex Tape Talk
BEVERLY HILLS - The Queen of Country Music, Dolly Parton flew to Los Angeles to see about getting an estimate on a personal female procedure. After she left the office of Dr. Duffy F. Elderfunk, who is regarded as The Gynecologist to The Stars, sh...
Read full storyThe Aircraft Carrier USS Michael Jackson To Be Renamed The USS Elvis Presley
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Department of Naval Operations has just announced that it has decided to rename the aircraft carrier the USS Michael Jackson. The ship which was commissioned in 2009, will be renamed the USS Elvis Presley. DNO spokesperso...
Read full storyThe New York Yankees Offer A 16-Year-Old Flame Throwing Pitcher A Contract
NEW YORK CITY - Sporting Chance Magazine is reporting that the New York Yankees organization has just offered 16-year-old Shreveport, Louisiana pitching sensation Corey Buttonbox a 2-year, $3 million contract. Buttonbox who is a freshman at Shreve...
Read full storyDetroit To Replace All Fire Engine Dalmatians With Chihuahuas
DETROIT - Mayor Dave Bing of Detroit has just issued a Mayoral Directive stating that effective September 20, at 12:15 a.m. every fire station that has a dalmatian as a firehouse mascot will have to turn their dog over to the Detroit Animal Shelter.
Read full storyChimp Wins Art Contest, Hires Lawyer
No sooner was it announced that Brent, a 37-year-old Louisiana chimp, had won first prize in a chimpanzee art contest (read about it here on TheGuardian.com website) than the chimp called a lawyer to complain that the sanctuary where he lived would b...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Says He Will Defend Syria If She Is Attacked By The United States
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy National News Agency of North Korea has just announced that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has issued a stern warning to the United States. He has made it perfectly clear that if President Obama attacks Syr...
Read full story'Chevron' design clue to ownership of world's newest, biggest motor yacht 'Project Azzam'
New York - Oligarchs cruising the balmy waters of the Eastern Mediterranean are said to be gobsmacked at news that the world's swishest, sexiest, biggest, costliest and most desirable ocean-going mega-yacht - codenamed 'Project Azzam' - will be homew...
Read full storyDanica Patrick Shocked At The Miley Cyrus Offer To Join Her Nudist Resort
ALBUQUERQUE, New Mexico - Sexy NASCAR race car driver Danica Patrick was in Albuquerque on a promotional tour for her new line of Danica Patrick Bikini Thong Panties®. She was asked by a reporter for a local newspaper to comment on the recent...
Read full storyLabour Conference: Balls at root of PM's Tiny penis...jibe
In a rousing, rapturous Labour Party conference where only three elderly members died, the shadow chancellor appeared a shadow of his current shadow self, until his startling observations brought the house down and lit up his rotund face. Ed Balls...
Read full storyColorado Senator Wants To Make Marijuana The State's Official Plant
DENVER - One of the most popular and youngest Colorado state senators, Shepherd A. Honeybeaker [D-Colorado Springs] has just made a proposal recommending that Colorado make marijuana the official state plant. Senator Honeybeaker who is only 28-yea...
Read full storyFaith Hill Denies The Lesbian Rumors
SAN FRANCISCO - Faith Hill who is getting divorced from fellow country music artist Tim McGraw was strolling down Castro Street when she was approached by a news reporter. The reporter identified herself as Calcutta Cotton with Music Moments Magaz...
Read full storyYosemite National Park Fire Reportedly Started By A Bear Playing With Matches
FRESNO, California - Unconfirmed reports state that the two-week old Yosemite National Park fire may have been started by a black bear playing with matches. Park ranger Orion Silvergate, 51, said that he was told by a Gilbert Baumbaker, 19, of San...
Read full storyDerek Jeter of The New York Yankees Is Hurt, But Too Proud To Take Himself Out of The Game
NEW YORK CITY - Like with most athletes Father Time has now caught up with New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter. Buckaroo Kazoo with The Turnstile Review wrote that Jeter spends most of the game hobbling around on one leg. He is just about at th...
Read full storyVladimir Putin Warns President Obama If The U.S. Invades Syria, Russia Will Invade Detroit
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Moscow's national news agency Vodkavich has just announced that Russian President Vladimir Putin has issued a very stern warning to President Barack Obama. Putin speaking to a group of retired KGB operatives at a Holiday Inn in...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Wants To Buy A Civil War Plantation In Mississippi
YAZOO CITY, Mississippi - A representative for North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has informed the American news media that the North Korean president wants to buy an authentic Civil War plantation. Kang Won Goo talked with the owner of the famed Cot...
Read full storyNASCAR's Danica Patrick Seen Leaving Rob Pattinson's Malibu Beach House
MALIBU BEACH - Danica Patrick, who was recently divorced from Dr. Paul Hospenthal, has reportedly stated that she wants to give the single girl world a spin (no pun intended). Danica told Ambrose Appomattox with The Turnstile Review that she wants...
Read full storyMcDonald's To Drop The Big Mac Sesame Seeds
OAK BROOK, Illinois - The world's largest restaurant franchise chain, McDonald's has just made a monumental announcement regarding its hamburger buns. Golden Arches Spokesperson Nancy Zabeletta has issued a statement that the fast food giant will...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Fed Up With All The Haters Announces She's Buying A Nudist Resort
VENICE BEACH, California - Miley Cyrus talked to Ryan Seacrest and she told him that she has had enough of hate-filled people criticizing her for her fleshy bodily displays. She remarked that she plans on purchasing a nudist resort located just ou...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Purchases 4 Missiles From Peru
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un was all smiles after he completed a deal with the South American government of Peru to buy 4 missiles. The Rice Paddy National News Agency of North Korea reports that the 4 missiles will be...
Read full storyJessica Simpson Says She Ready To Pose In A Nude Layout Spread
HOLLYWOOD - Jessica Simpson has said that after being pregnant for what seemed forever, she has finally gotten her fantastically, sultry body back and she is ready to show it off. Reports out of Tinsel Town state that Simpson has already been appr...
Read full storyKentucky Fried Chicken Announces They May Stop Selling Chicken
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - Word out of the home office of KFC is that the chicken franchise giant is considering making a big change to their restaurant menu. KFC spokesperson Willow Riffaletti, 37, informed the news media that four months ago they hi...
Read full storyA List of 10 Little Known Facts About Anthony Weiner
Anthony Weiner has probably provided more jokes for all of the late night talk shows than anyone or anything else this year. There is not a man, woman, or child who has not uttered the name Anthony Weiner at least once. And the Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has stated that Jay Leno has said the word Weiner more than anyone else in America. As of September 6, Jay Leno has said the infamou...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Scoffs At The Lesbian Rumors Saying They're So Gay
MEMPHIS - Taylor Swift has said that she has pretty much been accused of many things, but up until now she has never been accused of being a lesbianite. The country singer giggled as she talked to Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk about t...
Read full storyPaula Deen Swears The Marijuana Was Not Hers
NEW ORLEANS - The former Queen of Cooking who has now become the nation's number one persona non grata was in the Big Easy hoping to land a job as a greeter at one of the town's Cajun food restaurants. As she was leaving the restaurant after her i...
Read full storySecretary of Education Urges Removal of Word "Privacy" from School Dictionaries
"Privacy is dead, and that's a good thing," pronounced U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan in his recent address to Congress regarding the content of dictionaries currently used in federally-funded public schools. "And our dictionaries should ref...
Read full storyChicharito Convinces Cheryl Cole To Get An Intimate Tattoo
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - English soccer player Chicharito, whose real name is Javier Hernández-Balcázar and his girlfriend English singer Cheryl Cole were down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico relaxing in the warm Baja California sun. Chicharito decided...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Remarks That Miley Cyrus Needs A Good Spanking
NEW YORK CITY - The undisputed Queen of Mean, Joan Rivers has commented that Miss Miley Cyrus has really gone off the deep end and the little wayward brat needs a good spanking. Rivers, who is 80, appeared on The Viagra View with Larry King and Re...
Read full storyA Wisconsin Dairy Farmer Shoots A Pelican - Says He Thought It Was A Spy Drone
KENOSHA, Wisconsin - Dairy farmer Wendell Hickenbocker, 68, who has been in the cow milking business for 47 years, said that he has been watching CNN and hearing a lot about these so called spy drones that Canada is reportedly sending up to spy on Am...
Read full storyNASCAR Warns Danica Patrick To Follow The Rules or Else
AUSTIN - Danica Patrick was in Texas visiting an old boyfriend when she got the word that NASCAR had issued a statement that she will follow the NASCAR rules or else she will be subject to discipline including a fine and possible suspension. Miss...
Read full storySyrian Defensive Plan Leaked to Mossad; Snowden and Manning are Yesterday's News
Corporal Moammar Bin Traash, SIGINT analyst for the Syrian Army and co-founder of the Damascus Chapter of LGBT Alliance and nephew of Tariq Al Tabouli, owner of Hassan's Hookah and Hashish Kasbah leaked the complete defensive outline of the Syrian Ar...
Read full storyThe Stunning Transformation of Senator Ted Cruz, 'I Resisted the Change but Have Surrendered!', Renounces Conservative Politics, Champions Obamacare, Embraces His 'Inner Mexican Laborer', Begs Obama for Forgiveness Barefoot on his Knees
In a stunning political development that has become the talk of Washington, Senator Ted Cruz announced yesterday that he has had a dramatic awakening and a complete, sudden transformation. He is no longer a Conservative. He is no longer a Republican.
Read full storyKim Kardashian and Kanye West Are $elling The Limo In Which Baby North West Was Conceived
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kim Kardashian and Kanye West certainly know how to turn a buck. Both have the uncanny ability to make money appear out of thin air. West just returned from Kazakhstan where he performed a concert and was paid the amazing sum of...
Read full storyMilitary-Industrial Complex™ invites public to 'pick a fight'
Washington, DC -- America's Military-Industrial Complex™ is going public with an advertising campaign that invites Americans to choose the next war in which the nation will participate. Called "Pick a Fight," the campaign represents the firs...
Read full storySenator John McCain Says The Solution To The Syrian Situation Is Easy - Just Make Syria Our 51st State
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Senator John McCain [R-Arizona] has been accused of many things, but not being opinionated is definitely not one of them. The man who ran for president in 2008, and lost due to his running mate Sarah "Snowballs" Palin being a lo...
Read full storyUtah Bans Halter Tops
SALT LAKE CITY - The state of Utah has announced that it has just passed a law which will prohibit the wearing of halter tops by females. Senator Buxton Quickymill [R-Provo] stated that the bill had been hotly debated with many senators believing...
Read full storyBruce Jenner Star of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" Addresses The Sex-Change Talk
HOLLYWOOD - Bruce Jenner is 63, and he has said on several occasions that he is tired of playing the little submissive husband to the Kardashian Klan director or operations Kris Kardashian-Jenner. It is no secret in LaLaLand that Kris wears the pa...
Read full storyCredibility Blues on the Long Guns for Syria
Anonymous inside sources to The White House have indicated "the credibility blues" for a strike on Syria have President Obama in a difficult pickle at this time. A long, thoughtful walk on White House grounds last Friday evening, accompanied by advisors, was reported highly fruitful, leading to new ideas for the strike on Syria. This conferencing occurred right before Mr. Obama's decision to s...
Read full storyWayne LaPierre: "Guns Don't Kill People. Crazy Fucks with Guns Kill People."
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Amid renewed talk of more stringent universal background checks after the latest school shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, Wayne LaPierre was seen walking around the capitol, with his pockets bursting with congressmen...
Read full storyRob Pattinson Confesses That Dumping Kristen Stewart Was The Best Thing He Ever Did
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Rob Pattinson recently stated that now that the Twight Saga series is over he feels like a big weight has been taken off of his shoulders. He spoke with Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres and told her that he felt like h...
Read full storySleep Number Beds Introduces Sex Number Line Of Mattresses For College Dorms
As college students return to campuses, many are springing for new mattresses. The biggest seller this year for the dorm room is the new Sex Number line from Sleep Number Beds. The Sex Number Beds have settings for the most common activities, inc...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says That Her Goal Is To Take The Title of Upskirt Queen From Britney Spears
LONG BEACH, California - Miley Cyrus flew down to Long Beach to visit the world famous Aquarium of The Pacific. She said that ever since she was six, she has wanted to visit the museum that includes over 315 sharts, 23 whales, 810 dolphins, 1,300...
Read full storyMajor League Baseball Wants To Put An End To Those Utterly Silly Bench Clearing Brawls
MILWAUKEE - Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig was in Milwaukee visiting a childhood friend when he was approached by Dottie Bazooka with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily. She asked the commissioner if there were any new rules that MLB is...
Read full storyUN Inspectors' Report to Confirm Illicit Use of Wig by John Kerry
A long-awaited UN report expected next week will "overwhelmingly" confirm that US Secretary of State John Kerry makes use of a wig, the secretary general Ban Ki-moon says. Mr. Ban Ki-moon made no comment on who was to blame for the Washington envo...
Read full storySelena Gomez Threatens Justin Bieber With A Restraining Order
TARZANA - Saying that she has had enough of the little hip hop singer wannabe from Canada, Selena Gomez has just informed the entertainment media that she is seriously considering putting a restraining order on ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber. Gomez sa...
Read full storyGuatemala Asks The United States For $13 Billion To Start Up A Space Program
GUATEMALA CITY, Guatemala - President Pancho Ensalada of Guatemala has asked President Obama for a loan in order to start up a space program similar to the one the United States has. President Ensalada informed President Obama that he met with fiv...
Read full storyAmerica's Oldest Surfer Is 103
MALIBU BEACH - Malibu Beach is a surfers paradise noted for its long lazy point breaks and ideal wind conditions. Malibu Beach is also where on the weekends you can find one of the most popular surfers on the Left Coast, Claire Lemonfire who just...
Read full storyScientists reveal complex mathematical formula for sadness
The elusive algebraic formula for a miserable life has at last been determined by a group of really fed-up researchers. The 'Feeling Crap Formula' (FCF) combines the most significant factors that make us sad, so that we can incorporate them into o...
Read full storyJohn Kerry gives Syria the 'Evil Eye'
Washington, DC - Finding little support for his administration's plan to punish Syria, US Secretary of State John Kerry is taking matters into his own face. The former Senator is activating his evil eye against the regime of Bashar al-Assad in r...
Read full storyFive Guys Burgers May Change Their Name To Five Guys & Their Wives Burgers
ARLINGTON, Virginia - There are now over 1,000 Five Guys Burgers franchises in the United States with more opening monthly. A restaurant consultant, Ferguson B. Waxminnow, has suggested that in order to make the spouses feel like they are part of...
Read full storyZoo Keeper Caught Spanking The Monkey
OMAHA, NE - A zookeeper in Omaha, NE was recently placed on indefinite work suspension due to disciplinary measures he was caught taking with primate residents at a local zoo. "I felt that bobo, in particular, was being selfish, hoarding food, and...
Read full storyPresident Obama Offers A $3 Million Reward For The Capture and Safe Return To America of Edward Snowden
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama met with Vice-President Joe Biden and two unnamed high-ranking Republican senators to discuss the situation regarding Edward Snowden, AKA The NSA Leaker. White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax informed the White...
Read full storyCongress reshapes itself into a TV quiz show
Washington, DC - Come on down. It's time to play "America's Got Congress" --television's first ever legislative quiz show. That's the battle cry you'll hear every weekday afternoon, thanks to a new law that turned the Senate and the House of Repr...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Explains His Unusual Fetish
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Justin Bieber appeared on The Viagra View and he revealed to co-hosts Larry King and Regis Philbin that he has a rather strange fetish. The 19-year-old said that he has never told anyone but he has a strong addiction to Chinese f...
Read full storySyria Cancels Plans To Invade Scotland
DAMASCUS, Syria - Word coming out of the Syrian Desert is that the Syrian government has decided to cancel its planned invasion of Scotland. A spokesperson for the Syrian government Yamadin Hashiki, 40, stated that after going over the financial s...
Read full storyGoogle Glass to offer X-Ray Vision in Voyeur Mode
According to leaked information obtained by Google snoopers GoogWatch, the search engine and mobile phone system maker has a new plan to breathe fresh excitement into the lackluster reception its flagship innovation has received in the gadget market.
Read full storyThe NFL Will Soon Start Enforcing The Quarterback's 'No Notes On The Wrist' Rule
NEW YORK CITY - The National Football League has vowed to clean up some football issues that it has allowed to continue for far too long. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has stated that one rule that the NFL has passed and which it will soon start...
Read full storyFaith Hill Reveals She Pleaded With Her Husband Tim McGraw to Stop Wearing That Black Rubber Cowboy Hat
NASHVILLE - Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are headed for El Rancho Grande Divorce and the blonde singer is starting to sing the blues. Hill recently told Buck Yazoo with Yippie-Ki-Yay Magazine that for years and years she has been telling Timothy, as...
Read full storyObama Diagnosed with Severe Irony Deficiency
According to confidential sources in the White House, the President is suspected to be suffering from a rare new disease that afflicts those who have risen to high places and affects the victim's ability to see his own behavior and actions as others...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey Wants To Buy The Chicago Bears
CHICAGO - The Windy City is home to the Bears, the Cubs, the White Sox, the Bulls, the Black Hawks, and to The Big O, Oprah Winfrey. Winfrey recently appeared on The Viagra View and she confessed to Regis Philbin that she has made an offer to purc...
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Seen Sensuously Embracing Derek Hough
SANTA MONICA BEACH - Tennis great Maria Sharapova was reportedly seen walking hand in hand down the Santa Monica Pier with Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars fame. The two were later spotted below the pier engaged in a sensuous embrace. The...
Read full storyA Chemist In Cincinnati Discovers The Ingredients In M&M's and Manufactures N&N's
CINCINNATI - A chemist who has resided in Cincinnati all of his life has just informed American Spotlight Magazine that he has invented a new hard shell chocolate candy. Livingston Odessa who received his Chemistry Degree from Johnny Appleseed Uni...
Read full storyThe Indianapolis Colts Are Considering A Name Change
INDIANAPOLIS - The owner and CEO of the Indianapolis Colts, James Orsay, has informed the team coaches and players that he is considering changing the team name. Orsay stated that he really and truly feels that the time is ripe to inject a new tea...
Read full storyWhole Foods Go Ghetto
On Wednesday, a manufacturer of "Whole Foods" announced that it plans to build a store in the poorest and most dangerous section of Chicago. The Englewood neighborhood, 10 miles south of downtown, experienced a 40% increase in homicides last year...
Read full storyCloseup Photos Show That Saturn Does Not Have A Ring Around It, But Mercury Does
NEW YORK CITY - A team of the world's leading space scientists have just disproved the commonly held belief that the planet Saturn has a ring around it. Team leader Dr. Heinrich Von Heinrich stated that for decades everyone has believed that Satur...
Read full storyStarbucks Makes Public Statement Guns Not Welcome But Not Outright Banned
Starbucks public spokesman Anselmo Java recently made a statement to the press regarding the company's stance regarding possession of firearms in any of their establishments. "The only shots we want to hear being fired off in our stores are shots...
Read full storySyria Tells President Obama That They Have Buried All of Their Chemicals In The Desert
DAMASCUS, Syria - Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has sent President Obama a text message telling him that upon his orders the Syrian army has taken all of the Syrian chemicals and buried them in the Syrian Desert. President al-Assad sent Preside...
Read full storyMcDonald's Is Thinking of Adding a McSushiBurger
OAK BROOK, Illinois - The world's largest food franchise chain, McDonald's is experimenting with a new food item that it could be adding to its menu. Corporate Spokesperson Nancy Zabaletta told National Focus Magazine that company executives are p...
Read full storyObama Abolishes Congress, Will Rule by Executive Order
The White House announced today that President Obama has issued an order suspending the representative branch of government. "The Congress is clearly not listening to reason or logic," the President said angrily, "and the Executive Branch cannot per...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus' Nude Romp Is A Cry For Help Says Dr. Phil
NEW YORK CITY - Dr. Phil has finally chimed in on the Miley Cyrus Traveling Circus as Barbara Walter's refers to the life and times of Miley "The Pill" Cyrus. It's no secret that Miley, 20, has gotten more publicity than President Obama's Syrian m...
Read full storyScotland to be as crap at athletics as it is at football by 2016 Olympics, say Yes campaign
An independent Scotland must be given the chance to fly away from Brazil in 2016 with their heads held high, which is easy to do if your head is not weighed down with a heavy gold medal round your neck, said a man on Twitter yesterday. "Scotland m...
Read full storyDating Website "Plenty Of Fish" Set to Face New Rival Site "Plenty Of Baggage"
Popular online dating site, "Plenty of Fish" is quaking in its boots as it learns of plans of a competing company to roll out a site called "Plenty of Baggage"(POB). The new format is said to be more conducive to members, old and new, that tend...
Read full storyPresident Obama Now Says That He May Enact A Law Banning Bullets
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama held a White House news conference and he informed the members of the press that he is going to have to show the Republicans that he, Barack Obama, was elected president of the United States and not the nation's pro...
Read full storyVampire arrested for sparkling
Forks, WA. Outrage broke out in the parking lot of Forks Middle School, 121 Spartan Ave, when a manic traffic jam ensued after classes today due to the result of obstructive sparkling by newly appointed biology teacher Edward Cullen. Parents arriv...
Read full story95% of humans responsible for global warming according to UN report
New York - UN Climate Change scientists have published the names of 95% of the world's worst polluters behind warming of the planet. And top of the hot air list are Z-Lister celebs whose contribution to the carbon monoxide - er, peroxide? Dioxide!...
Read full story"I've Permanetly Retired From Competitive Soccer" says Ex-Pope
Rome - Catholic soccer fans are in shock today after Ex-Pope Benedict XVI said he is hanging up his cleats at the end of the season and would no longer compete in Vatican League soccer. Benedict XVI, the leading scorer the last seven seasons for...
Read full storyWest Ham to Sue Government
West Ham may be goal shy away from home but they are fighting a real fight over their image with the Government. 'As the Government is blowing so many bubbles' complained Big Sam Allardyce, West Ham Manager 'we have been forced to take legal actio...
Read full storyMeth Addicted Dentist Losing Clients As He Loses His Own Teeth
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA - "It's not like I don't do quality work," states Dr. Ernest Spunn, "I have been making my living on quality AND quantity. I have been moving through people in sheer volume, especially when I'm tweaking! Root canals, extractions,...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Has Admitted That She Can Identify With Honey Boo Boo
BEVERLY HILLS - Former Baywatch star, Pamela Anderson recently revealed that she is a big fan of the reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and of the show's little pint-sized star Alana Thompson. Anderson said that she watches every episode and sh...
Read full story45 Year Old Man Realizes He Does Not Have To Take Facebook Seriously
ST. PAUL, MN - "It has been so freeing," stated Al Gorithim, "almost overnight a new peace has come over me." Previously Al did not understand the idea that if nobody commented on one of his posts that it would not affect the outcome of anything,...
Read full storyTop Scientists Claim "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2" As Unlikely And Innacurate As The First One
"Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2" earned $35 million in its opening weekend, beating out several other films. The latest installment picks up where the first one left off. An inventor thought he saved the world by destroying his invention tha...
Read full storyAshton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Are Tired of Waiting On Demi Moore To Sign The Divorce Papers And May Get Married In Mexico
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Mila Kunis has said that she is sick and tired of waiting on Ashton's old cougar wife, Demi Moore, 51, to sign the divorce papers. She has made it clear to Kutcher that if his hate-filled, jealous wife does not give him a divorce...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Wants To Move To Greenland
NEW YORK CITY - Angelina Jolie has stated that she can no longer put up with all of the rampant rumors about Brad Pitt being unfaithful to her. She said that the latest rumor to come out of the rumor mills has Brad cavorting with a young Hooter's...
Read full storyThe Meanest Misfit at the Tenements Just Got a Grizzly, a Tiger, and Three Alligators
The meanest malcontent neighbor I know just adopted a grizzly bear club, a bengal tiger cub, and three baby alligators. He lives two doors down from me in a one-bedroom apartment and drinks a case of Red, White & Blue beer every day. As mean and savage as they come, these nasty wild animals seem to be a good fit for him, but not such a good combination of pets for our apartment complex. All...
Read full storyWife Loses Mind Over Powdered Milk, Witnesses Feel Uneasy As a Result
Atlantic City, New Jersey - An overzealous housewife, shopping at the local grocery store, lost her mind upon discovering that there were no small containers of powdered milk available and that she would be forced to purchase the family-sized box. "I...
Read full storyAn Aspen Man Develops Road Rage After Buying Fake Pot From A Fake Pot Dealer
ASPEN, Colorado - The Colorado Highway Patrol is reporting that an Aspen resident recently developed what they consider to be the worst case of road rage in the history of the state of Colorado. A spokesperson for the CHP, Sergeant Cruxton Tartant...
Read full storyThe Mars Land Rover Curiosity Discovers A Gold Field The Size of Massachusetts
HOUSTON - NASA is reporting that its Mars land rover, Curiosity has just made an amazing discovery. It has sent back video that shows a field of gold that is completely covered with gold nuggets. NASA scientists say that the gold field is the s...
Read full storySpammer's Heaven…
Spammer's Heaven… …where everyone believes poorly written lies and language syntax and spelling aren't important …where credit card numbers fall from the sky …where everyone's email and twitter passwords are 12345 …where nobody can say no to black market cialis …where captchas have been banished to spammer's hell …where everyone always forgets that they didn't enter foreign lotte...
Read full storyJim Carrey Is Now The Saddest Man In Tinsel Town
BEVERLY HILLS - Jim Carrey's hair stylist, FuFi Fondue said that he cannot believe how bad America's funnyman is looking. Fondue said that Carrey recently went into his Haven of Hair Salon to get his gray roots colored. While at the salon he sa...
Read full storyInterpol arrest warrants to search Blair Faith Foundation orifices
New York - Despite his immense confidence that they'll never take him 'dead or alive' Tony B Liar's Faith Foundation was rocked to the core today as Interpol began a systematic trawl of all his known bullshitting outlets. Top of the list are outre...
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