Major League Baseball Wants To Put An End To Those Utterly Silly Bench Clearing Brawls

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 22 September 2013

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MLB Commissioner Bud Selig says bench-clearing brawls will be a thing of the past.

MILWAUKEE - Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig was in Milwaukee visiting a childhood friend when he was approached by Dottie Bazooka with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily.

She asked the commissioner if there were any new rules that MLB is considering implementing for the 2014 season.

Selig complimented her on her sexy-looking Daisy Duke short shorts and her Major League Baseball Has Lots of Balls T-shirt.

She thanked him and replied that she thinks he looks a lot like the debonair movie star Harrison Ford.

The commissioner then told her that there is one new change that he hopes to implement. He said that he has received thousands of emails, texts, phone calls, and letters from fans asking him to do something about the boring-as-hell bench clearing brawls.

Selig remarked that ever since he can remember if he had to pick one thing about baseball that is so wrong it's the bench clearing brawls.

He said that they are utterly silly and the most ridiculous thing he has ever seen in any sport.

The commissioner compared it to watching a bunch of old folks doing a square dance, there's a lot of hootin' and hollerin' but nobody really does anything except shuffle around for a bit.

Selig stated that if things work out the way he thinks they will, come the 2014 baseball season any player or manager instigating a bench clearing brawl will be suspended for 10 games.

The second violation will result in a $100,000 fine to the player and a $500,000 to his team.

And on a third offense if the team with the offending player is ahead they will forfeit the game immediately, if they are behind the player will be arrested and suspended for the remainder of the season.

SIDENOTE: Selig said that as long as he is the commissioner Major League Baseball is not going to be copying the childish fighting antics of the National Hockey League.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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