OMAHA, NE - A zookeeper in Omaha, NE was recently placed on indefinite work suspension due to disciplinary measures he was caught taking with primate residents at a local zoo.
"I felt that bobo, in particular, was being selfish, hoarding food, and not giving other monkey's a fair shot at it. The zoo administration should appreciate what I was doing rather than reprimanding it. I wasn't even on the clock!" explained zoo keeper Mike Check.
He went on to say, "I don't think the measures I took were out of line at all. A couple swats on the ass changes up behavior. This zoo's stance on monkey spanking has gone soft since I started."
A zoo administrator who chose to remain nameless stated, "Mr. Check's choice was not only out of line, but, considered to be insubordinate. Our policy was rewritten two years ago and clearly outlines that spanking the monkey, or any other animal in our facilities for that matter, will not be tolerated during work hours or otherwise."