There were 192 spoof news stories published in August 2016. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
High-fives Are Out, Fist-bumps Are In
Why? You ask. Well, here are a few possible reasons for the change: -- It may be more sanitary. Not exposing your whole hand to your friend's germs is a good thing. Why let your open palm sap up ALL your friend's germs, when your fist might have contact with only a limited number of them? -- Fingernail grooming may be greatly reduced. Yippee! Groom one thumbnail, and you'll probably be good...
Read full storyClint Eastwood Gives One Of His Oscars To Donald Trump
After Donald Trump was embarrassed into giving a Purple Heart back to the veteran who earned it, Clint Eastwood offered up one of his four Oscars to The Donald. Speaking at a Trump rally in Denver, Clint Eastwood gave Donald Trump the academy awar...
Read full storyResearchers find little difference between Bologna and Hotdogs
A government funded study analyzing the nature of the hot dog and bologna has revealed that they are close cousins, "almost siblings, really" said Dr. Janice Manice, head of Columbia university's dept. of cold cuts and condiments which spearheaded th...
Read full storyDonald Trump's Pants Catch Fire
Did Donald Trump's karma finally catch up with him when his pants caught fire this week? After tweeting his millionth or so lie, Donald Trump had his limo pull over on a California highway when he smelled something burning. As The Donald stepped...
Read full storyBedlam blasts all over a Donald Trump rally at Sam Houston Race Course
Donald Trump was the last to show up at his convention in Texas yesterday, where he wailed and railed about Latino people, calling them a number of vile and racist names. He also threw some racist rhetoric at one of the favorite sons of Texas, Ted Cr...
Read full storySatan Rebukes Trump, Says He'll Vote Clinton
Adding his name to the list of prominent Republicans who say they won't vote for Donald Trump, Satan has said he will vote his conscience this fall. Satan, who usually stays behind the scenes at Fox News, made an unusual appearance on the network...
Read full storyDonald Trump Hospitalized After Choking on His Own Ego
BURNT CORN, AL--Donald Trump, at a rally Tuesday in Alabama, was hospitalized after he began choking on his own ego. Trump was building up to the peroration of his speech, in which he praised himself as the sole solution to all that ails the Uni...
Read full storyGenitalia eating fish with human teeth threat did NOT come from Trump
Spokespersons for Mr. Trump have rushed forward to clarify that Mr. Trump has absolutely nothing to do with the latest alarm concerning genitalia eating fish with human teeth. The pacu under scrutiny (related to the piranha) favors male genitalia...
Read full storyTrump Limo Stolen, Made Into Lowrider
One of Donald Trump's limousines was stolen back in March and has been turned into a lowrider limo complete with little chrome rims and a hydraulic suspension. The FBI is looking into how Yuri Vilcheny, originally from the Ukraine, ended up with the...
Read full story"The Boss" breaks his own record
Last night at the Meadowlands, Bruce Springsteen shattered his own record by going on a 47-minute monologue segueing beautifully between a somber ATLANTIC CITY and a raucous Rosalita. The crowd used this time to use the bathroom, text their...
Read full storyObama Admits Birthers Got It Right, Italians Celebrate
Washington, DC - In what pundits are calling "Birthers of a Nation," President Barack Obama today acknowledged that "perhaps" he was born outside the United States to foreign parents and therefore did not qualify to become President. It was a stunnin...
Read full storyExpressing Regrets, Trump Hosts Party in Mexico
Playa del Carmen, Mexico -- Donald J. Trump visited Mexico today in his recent quest to express regrets over his comments about Mexicans. Trump has consistently applied the term "rapists" to Mexicans who cross the border illegally into the United Sta...
Read full storySlovenia Demands that Melania Return Home
Ljubljana, Slovenia - The government of Slovenia, through its Ministry of Justice, together with the Slovenian Financial Administration, has issued a formal demand on Melanija Knavs, now known Mrs. Melania Trump, to return to her home country. T...
Read full story"Beethoven" star Charles Grodin named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive 2016
Comedian and actor Charles Grodin recently received a pleasant surprise when People Magazine named him the "Sexiest Man Alive - 2016". The 81-year old responded by smirking and quietly rambling about something to himself. Grodin, star of such m...
Read full storyWith Ryan Lochte Out, Trump Lands Speedo
New York City, NY - With Ryan Lochte losing his Speedo sponsorship amidst an international Olympic scandal, Donald J. Trump has been selected as Speedo's newest spokesperson. As part of the lucrative contract, Trump has agreed to wear a Speedo under...
Read full storyThe tooth and nothing but the tooth: Donald Trump defends dental floss
New York - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has come down hard on the recent government report that calls dental floss "a waste of time." "This is bad news, folks," Trump said. "First they rigged the dentist chair so they could play...
Read full storyJoey's Urban launches Nuu Muu Muu staff uniforms
Joey's Urban is pleased to announce the launch of new staff uniforms on August 1 2016, which will allow employees the ability to express their sense of freedom. The new staff uniforms (shown here) meet the functional needs of Joey's workforce…so...
Read full storyThe Bear Who Walks Upright: First Interview
A unique bear in New Jersey (people call him "Pedals") has made headlines doing something that humans do all the time: walking upright. Having two maimed front legs, the bear walks on his back legs, appearing to be, well, almost human. Some people pity him and think he should be captured and sent to a wildlife sanctuary. Others advise a "no interference" policy. The bear claims that his name is...
Read full storyDonald Trump Suspends Campaign After Running Out of Adjectives Aimed at the Level of Fourth Graders
TRUMP HEADQUARTERS (that is, Trump's head)--Donald Trump today suspended his campaign after running out of adjectives aimed at his main demographic: Those who speak and write at the level of fourth graders. After "Crooked Hillary" began to get old,...
Read full storyChachi In Charge After Trump Campaign Shake Up
After Paul Manafort's failed attempt to transform Trump Pygmalion style into a calm deliberate statesman, The Donald is reverting to full crazy mode now that Scott Baio has taken charge of his sputtering campaign. Scott Baio, mostly forgotten for...
Read full storyTrump Self Deports Jesus
Completely misunderstanding Mitt Romney's concept of self deportation, Donald Trump took it upon himself to deport a man to his home country. Now Donald Trump and his staff are facing kidnapping and terrorism charges after forcing Jesus Chavez, a US...
Read full storyBush Reality TV Show A Ratings Hit; 6 More Episodes of "In the Bushes" Released
Los Angeles, LA--The Bush family reality TV show has become a smash hit with six more episodes released. With two ex-Presidents, one failed Presidential candidate, one young Presidential wannabe, and the wives who endure them, Lifetime network now h...
Read full storyWith Poll Numbers in Free Fall, Trump, Pence Jump Out of Plane
Grand Teton, Wyoming: Facing a free fall in numerous recent polls, Donald J. Trump and Mike Pence jumped out of an airplane yesterday as a publicity stunt to prove that that they can recover from such a precipitous drop. They survived. It has be...
Read full storyDying Boy's Wish Is To Donate Kidney To Donald Trump
An Oklahoma City man and his eight year old boy were on their way to a Trump rally to give the boy's spelling bee award to Donald Trump, but unfortunately the man's son never made it: Joe Di Pietro said the family car was broadsided by an inattentive...
Read full storyTrump admits he'd have dated his mother if she hadn't been, you know, his mother
Denver, Co. - In an effort to deflect the negative press he's been getting the past few weeks, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump stated this week that his mother, Mary Anne Trump, who passed away in 2000 at the age of 88, was such a good...
Read full storyNew Trump sign interpreter just man flicking off camera
Citing cost concerns and staffing issues, a spokesman announced Thursday that the Trump campaign will be replacing formally trained sign interpreters with a man just constantly extending his middle finger at all times. The spokesman added that in...
Read full storyFeds Seize Record 10 Tons Of Organic Chicken from KFC
The announcement by the FDA on Wednesday morning has sent a shock wave through the U.S. fast food industry and startled even its most loyal consumer base. The discovery, hidden in near plain sight within KFC's supply chain, has shaken the very t...
Read full storyDonald Trump: A Closet Democrat
Yes, Donald Trump is not Rich Uncle Pennybags in a top hat, but a baseball cap, hammer and nails, lunch pail carrying Democrat, determined to give the White House, the Senate and House to his secret political party of choice: The Democrats. What...
Read full storyMike Pence To Drop Out of VP Race after Trump Calls him "Six Pence"
Washington, D.C.: Sources close to the Trump campaign have indicated that Indiana Governor Mike Pence is dropping out of the U.S. vice- presidential race. Pence claimed that Trump's name calling went too far. Pence was overheard on a live microp...
Read full storyAPA Classifies Goth As "Narcissistic Depressive Disorder"
The American Psychiatric Association released a controversial statement this week that classifies goth style as a condition to be treated with anti-depressants. APA spokesman Cole Redpost suggested in a press release that families and loved ones of those suffering from Goth or Narcissistic Depressive Disorder now have medical treatment options to choose from for NDD sufferers. "The APA is re...
Read full storyWill Penis Enlargement For White Men Advance Racial Harmony?
In a landmark study, psychologist Cedra Meadows has shown that when non-black men feel their penis size is adequate, all races around them tend to get a more fair shake in social and economic opportunities. In an excerpt from an interview for Psychology Today, Meadows talked about her study and some surprising conclusions. PT: What started your research in this field at a time when psycholog...
Read full storyTrump Claims He Saw Video Of The Ark Of The Covenant
Donald Trump is claiming that the Obama administration is hiding the Ark of The Covenant to keep it from him in case he becomes president. "I saw the video, and we can assume the Russians or Wiki-Leaks leaked the video to hurt Hillary Clinton in t...
Read full storyRio 2016: Trump latest to criticize Gabby Douglas, confuses her with Leslie Jones
The 2016 Rio Olympic Games have been a wild ride for US gymnast Gabby Douglas. After exiting competition with only one gold medal in the team event, and failing to medal in her lone individual event, Douglas became the subject of social media scr...
Read full storyPresident Trump Takes Credit for Puerto Rico's Economic Miracle
Speaking from the Oval Office on Christmas Eve, President Trump bombarded the American people with a summary of his accomplishments during his first four years in the White House and a sneak preview of his plans for his second term. After running th...
Read full storyDoes This Election Season Have You Wanting to Pull Out Your Hair?
It's been a grueling 18 months of listening to Donald Trump's "policies" and Hillary Clinton's ongoing email saga. Much like boxing, the two opponents have been talking smack about one another before going head-to-head in the debate rounds. Come...
Read full storyDonald Trump's America: A Review
My wife and I went to see a movie called Trump's America at a local multiplex which will remain unnamed. When I purchased the tickets for the movie, the cashier behind the window asked to see my and my wife's photo IDs, to make sure we weren't Mexic...
Read full storyAthletes Line Up To Give Their Awards To Donald Trump
After Clint Eastwood gave Donald Trump one of his Oscars, athletes from the Olympic games, to the NBA and NASCAR have stirred controversy by pledging to give their awards to Donald Trump to show their confidence in his candidacy--Jackie Joyner even o...
Read full storyTrump-Corbyn Syndrome Defined As New Mental Disorder
New editions of two major mental disorder classification manuals are to list Trump-Corbyn Syndrome (TCS) as a mental disorder. The naming of the condition was inspired by the behaviour of Donald Trump's supporters in the US and Jeremy Corbyn's sup...
Read full storyISIS likely to host 2024 Olympics
Chairman Luger Spence today announced a new entry in the field of 2024 Olympic hosts adding that "if Isis can pull this off, it would be hard to make any other choice." The announcement was made by a very distressed looking Mr. Spence at an unnam...
Read full storyWhite Supremacist Comedians Angered by Fading Asian Accents
Throngs of Neo-Nazis pranksters, sarcastic Skinheads, and comedic KKK members marched on the capitol today demanding a return to the good old days when "A chinaman was a chinaman" as suggested by Pennsylvania Skin head bikers for Jesus president Zeke...
Read full storyPill May Be Available To Raise IQ Of White Male Trump Followers
The Quinnipiac University poll released a month ago had Trump leading among white men and white women The poll had Trump leading Clinton among white men, 60 percent to 36 percent. While the margin has recently narrowed a bit, it is clear that it wil...
Read full storyThe Alt.Right Is To The Right Of The Crazy GOP Right
The alt.right has been much in the news because one of the movement's supporters, Ronald Dickhead, the former head of Brietbart is now the CEO of the Trump campaign. Too, it's in the news because the alt.right supports Trump for President of the U.S...
Read full storyGirls on Cannes beach arrested for covering up too much
Arrested for trop d'habits ("too much attire"), the teenagers were wearing bathing suits from the 1950's, their grandmothers' time. They put on these old bathing suits "for fun" and were actually relieved that men were not always "staring, you kno...
Read full storyRussians Hack Medical Records: Both Trump And Clinton Unfit For Office
Donald Trump's challenge to Russian hackers to find the dirt on Hillary Clinton has backfired as Wikileaks released hacked medical records damaging to both Clinton and Trump. The revelations that neither candidate is physically fit to run a lemona...
Read full storyDistracted Trump Watches Netflix During First Intel Briefing
Washington, DC -- Donald J. Trump was invited to his first intelligence briefing today with staff members of the Director of National Intelligence. As generals and staff spoke about national security concerns, sources close to the candidate stated th...
Read full storyTrump sues his own mouth following diagnosis of rare disease first described by Shakespeare
GOP candidate for president Mr. Donald Trump is currently taking himself to court in a suit against his own mouth and its insinuations. Mr. Trump indicates he might be persuaded to call off the suit (with sufficient monetary compensation), but onl...
Read full storyThe Chamber of Commerce of the Gateway to Death's Bus Tour in 2025
Just down the road a ways the Chamber of Commerce of the Gateway to Death is having a bus tour. The attendees of this gala are sparse. The Gateway of Death's Mayor and Safety-Service Director were expecting a much larger turnout, but only three peopl...
Read full storyTrump Pamphlet Calls Women Prone To Sin And Evil
The Family Research Council is know to be the most important anti-gay advocacy group in the country. Lesser know is its attitude toward women. It's head, Tony Perkins and many others belong to denominations which bar women from serving as pastors b...
Read full story69% of all Americans Approve of Oral Sex
A clinical research study at the Upjohn Downjill University Think Tank has concluded a favorable opinion of oral sex. A diverse collection of information was gathered stating that when asked about sexual gratification and where the subjects found...
Read full storyThe Viral Broadcast That's Changing the World.
Young Francis Muldoon was a strange little boy. He lived in a village in County Tipperary Ireland called Ballytohellnback. His father was a turnip farmer who also reared sheep and his mother worked as a maid at the local parish church of St. Patrick...
Read full storyIf You Don't Support Hillary, You're a Bigot!
I'm sick of all these privileged bigots who are demeaning and denigrating Hillary. So I am here to educate you on why you MUST stop this. Here are the ignorant fools who need to check their privilege. 1. Iraqi orphans. Iraqi orphans have orp...
Read full storyBlacklists and Babies: Trump's Own McCarthyism
Washington, D.C.: To some, a "Trumpism" may be considered a political gaff made during a rally or convention speech. To others, "Trumpism" is a movement akin to McCarthyism of the 1950s. What was once a somewhat curious footnote known as McCar...
Read full storyCollege Football Teams Should Go Semi-Pro
AP --At Texas A&M, the football coach made close to $4.5 million in 2015, nearly four times what the second highest-earning public university president in the country made. At Penn State, where the president is the highest paid among all public...
Read full storyDrinking By The Sea
In a drive to arrest falling numbers of visitors to our seaside towns one such place has taken drastic measures to ensure it's future. Sleepy Salminton On Sea has declared that every visitor over the age of 18 can claim a free bottle of wine upon arr...
Read full storyThe South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union
Following a hotly contested statewide referendum, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a margin of over eighty-six percent, had voted to secede from t...
Read full story2016 NFL Predictions: Part 2
*Former Minnesota Viking running back Onterrio Smith makes a comeback, not as a player, but as a pitchman for his new Whizzinator-like product to help players beat drug tests. The product, which is endorsed by the estate of Prince, is called the "Pur...
Read full storyAustin To Secede From Texas, Join California
The blog site "Rest-of-Texas-sucks. Com," an Austin based site, sneeringly refers to the remainder of Texas outside Austin as "A land of big oil, big business, big cars, big men with big mouths, big guns, big bigoted morons, and big-haired women who...
Read full storyPokemon Go Players Killed on Artillery Range
A group of eight geeky university frat house buddies was instantly killed by a single round from an M777 self-propelled howitzer when they ventured onto a firing range at Fort Sill, Oklahoma. "Training accidents are always tragic", read a statemen...
Read full storyPoll Predicts Hillary Beats Jesus
ONLY IN AMERICA - For the last few weeks no one could have missed the Hillary and Donald presidential campaign circus. More acts than Ringling Brothers. More drama than The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Even a high building climb, death defying a...
Read full storyMelissa McCarthy denies "crazy rumors" that she is actually Chris Farley
The entertainment industry is notorious for spawning theories about deceased stars. For instance, Tupac Shakur is said by some to be alive and well despite his high profile murder in the late nineties. The latest theory surrounds Chris Farley and...
Read full storyAnti-drugs campaign causes controversy
The Police Service of Northern Ireland has broken records worldwide today as they began their new anti-drugs campaign and immediately reduced Belfast's drug consumption to zero. However, gay rights activists have called the campaign "crass" and "unbe...
Read full storyHillary Reveals Chicken Butt Tattoo To Woo Millenials: Trump Reacts
BILLINGSGATE POST: In an attempt to woo undecided Millennial voters, Hillary Clinton yesterday went against traditional Democratic values to reveal what a casual observer might suggest is a tattoo of the business end of a chicken's alimentary canal.
Read full storySuicidal Man Orders Chocolate Milk In Pub, Fights With Police
A US man tried to commit suicide by cop outside of a Brixton pub and learned that not all police respond with lethal force as a first measure. Barkeep Angela DeBroder described what happened that night at Jubilee Pub and Bistro. "Anyone could...
Read full storyFirst Charisma Awards Competition
Hiram Grabbit of Los Angeles PR firm, LUXIFER INC., has set up what could be a global, national contest to rival Miss World and The Oscars. Luxifer has, in the past, worked closely with Scratchi and Scratchi of London in the business of cultivat...
Read full storyMichael Phelps Credits Brazil's "Thin Water" with Gold Medal Win
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil--Michael Phelps credited Brazil's "thin water" for his recent gold medal win. Phelps stated that the "thin water" in Brazil makes him and others swim faster, allowing them to shatter World records. "It's the thin water," sa...
Read full storyTrump Fires Himself From Campaign
Donald Trump said to himself today, "You're Fired," as he exited his campaign for the Presidency. He held a press conference today at the Trump Tower. "Believe me, you can count on the fact that I'm out of the campaign you low-energy press losers...
Read full storyArchaeologists unearth Jesus' wank flannel
It has been hailed as the greatest religious artefact since the Turin shroud. Biblical archaelogists digging in Montana, USA, believe they have found the cloth that Jesus Christ used to mop up his masturbatory ejaculations. Some scholars have ques...
Read full storyShocking Discovery: Trump Actually Giant Puppet Operated by Spoiled Toddler
Many have been mystified by the behavior of 2016 Republican Presidential candidate, Donald Trump: his temper tantrums, nonexistent attention span, lack of basic empathy, inability to allow others attention or respect. But it took behavioral scient...
Read full storyTrump Reveals Test Questions For Immigrants
In his speech today in Ohio, Donald Trump outlined his plans to combat Islamic extremism, including creating an ideological test for immigrants entering the country. It includes questions addressing how each applicant views American values. The...
Read full storyColin Kaepernick spends night at Holiday Inn, becomes expert in discrimination
After spending the previous night at a Holiday Inn, Colin Kaepernick became enlightened to the plight of minorities in the United States, and staged a protest at an NFL pre-season game. "I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a cou...
Read full storyBush Family To Debut "In the Bushes" Reality TV Show
Dallas, TX--Members of the Bush family have begun filming a reality TV show featuring two Presidents, one failed Presidential candidate, one President wannabe and the wives who endure them. The first six episodes have already been filmed and will be...
Read full storyGOP Leaders Open House of Prostitution
Associated Press, by Manny Jack Moe --Republican leaders House Speaker Paul Ryan, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus have opened a house of ill repute near the famous Chicken Ranch in Nevada.
Read full storyNew Startup W&P raises 12 million in funding
New technology startup W&P announced today that they have raised 12 million in funding from private investors. The smartphone app is fighting to become the first of its kind. W&P, which stands for Wiped and Pretty, tracks the progress of us...
Read full storyWilliamsport Tells the World to… F*%$ Off!
The small city of Williamsport, Pa first became a borough March 1, 1806. Late in the 19th Century Williamsport was known as "The Lumber Capital of the World" and once housed more millionaires per capita than anywhere else on the globe. Now those...
Read full storyTrump Chooses Three Substitutes to Debate Hillary
New York, NY - Donald J. Trump announced today that he will be unavailable for the three scheduled debates with Hillary Clinton and that the campaign has hired three substitutes. Trump's substitutes will be Senator Elizabeth Warren for the domestic...
Read full storyIt's Ok To Have Cocaine on Coca-Drink Property
Cocaine with a street value of up to $42 million was discovered at a Coca-Drink factory in Macon, GA. The Coca-Drink factory in Macon produces concentrates for various drinks. Workers opened a shipment of bottled orange juice concentrate but fou...
Read full storyTrump Would Abolish Program That Allowed For Melania's Nude Photo Shoots
Washington Post -- Donald Trump said today that he wants to end the H-1B visa program. The program is used to bring highly skilled workers into the U.S. needed by such companies that are in the Silicon Valley. In it is a little know provision tha...
Read full storyCutting Down A Forest In San Francisco
A group calling itself: The Native Plant Advocates, want to cut down the trees and destroy a forest on Mount Davidson in San Francisco. A scenic landmark, Mount Davidson is a beautiful mountain covered with towering eucalyptus trees and home to a col...
Read full storyRoger Ailes Replaces Trump Campaign Staff With Russian Sexbots
After his attorneys advised him to avoid all contact with real human beings with feelings, conscience and morals, Roger Ailes replaced a few of Donald Trump's campaign staff with sexbots. The move has raised red flags as the sexbots are seen as a...
Read full storyJesus Tasered After Walking Into Church
33 year old two time zombie Jesus of Nazareth was tasered by an off duty policeman Sunday morning after he entered a Catholic church during mass. Witnesses from a home across the street from the church report seeing "some scroungy looking guy" ent...
Read full storyTrump Hears from God While Trapped on Elevator
Colorado Springs, CO: Donald Trump claimed in his stump speech that he heard a message from God while trapped on an elevator just before a rally in Colorado Springs. "You know," he stated, "I need to say it, I shouldn't, but okay I will. I was t...
Read full storyTrump Campaign's new CEO Quits Fearing She'll be Fired
A few months ago, Donald Trump tapped Kellyanne Conway to be his campaign manager. As an attractive, well-spoken, expert pollster she was supposed to put a good face on a campaign associated with vulgarity, unrestrained hatred, vicious attacks Musli...
Read full storyBritish Government to take guns and knives away from prisoners
In a bold move to reduce prison violence, the British government has announced that it will be taking away guns and knives from prisoners. The policy, which will be introduced in early 2017, will mean that prisoners in UK jails will no longer be able...
Read full storyHacks into Democrat Re-Election Playbook indicate Putin in disguise inside a Trump White House
Direct to Spoof Investigations, hackers Lout Zoo and Demonizer have climbed inside the Democratic Party's latest ideas to distract attention from Hillary Clinton's email problems. Meanwhile, roiling black clouds of smoke blown at Russia and Vladim...
Read full storyESCHeW DRAKOOLA
Outside, on a pleasant evening, the quiet lot of parked Volvos and Priuses seemed at peace. But inside the small church basement, it was a scene of heartbreak as parents poured out their hearts to one another. "I don't understand," one mother cried. "I marched in Selma and protested the Viet Nam war and now my forty-year-old son has gone over to the dark side. I can understand his resentment at...
Read full storyChris Christie Scales Trump Tower with Toilet Plungers Begging for Meeting
New York City, NY - NJ Governor Chris Christie was reportedly seen scaling Trump Tower using two toilet bowl plungers and a rope to try to secure a meeting with Donald J. Trump. Gov. Christie climbed to the second floor of the famous glass tower onl...
Read full storyRhymefest Invites Trump To See That Chicago Is Safe, Robbed During Interview
The Chicago rapper Rhymefest, who invited Donald Trump to his Chicago neighborhood, was robbed multiple times in one day--including while on the air with CNN. Despite being robbed seven times in less than twelve hours, Che "Rhymefest" Smith told C...
Read full storyArtificial Intelligence tells humans to "GET OUT"
An untraceable message appearing randomly on Facebook and Instagram accounts is asking people to leave the planet. "Thanks for everything" the message begins "but I shall not be in need of your services any longer so please leave" The name...
Read full storyTrump never wanted to win the presidency
Sources inside the Trump campaign, on a condition of anonymity, have revealed that Donald Trump never had any intention of winning the Presidency. They say with the making Brietbart's News' combative far-right Chief Executive Steve Bannon and Roge...
Read full storyTrumps Emails Said To Be Hacked By Russian Spies Posing As Nigerian 'Prince'
Russian agents posing as a Nigerian prince reportedly hacked GOP Presidential candidate Donald J Trump's private email address more than four months ago. However, unlike the recent Democrats National Committee breach which resulted in the release of...
Read full storyNFL to switch field material from turf to pillows this season
After rising fears that their ratings might suffer from the competition generated by Olympic Ping Pong, the NFL cancelled their first preseason game using hard paint as an excuse. When pressed about the matter Roger Goodell acted in his typical...
Read full storyHow to make it big in the music biz these days
So you want to make millions of dollars writing songs, recording these little ditties, and performing them in front of sold-out audiences, right? The first order of business is: Do you need any talent? Hell no, you don't. It's not like the old day...
Read full storyForget the Debates. Let's Find Out Who's the Best Liar
New York City - - Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have agreed to cancel their upcoming debate schedule. Instead they will square off in a competition designed to determine who among them is the best liar. "Being able to t...
Read full storyLooser Guccifer 2.0 delves into candidates' plans for October Surprise
The presidential candidates' polling highs and lows are roller coastering on and on. Recently, unpleasant odors of DNC manipulating for Clinton, plus hacks into The Clinton Foundation, threatened a downward sag. This was prevented via blowing...
Read full storyJihadi John "would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids"
RAQQA, SYRIA - "Who'd have thought?" Jihadi John muttered to himself "that it'd end up like this." In the end it hadn't been a drone that had brought the man known only as Jihadi John, from West London but joined the so-called Islamic State in 2012,...
Read full storyLegendary ESPN Sportscaster's Cause of Death Identified -Choked on Gallons Of Freshly Squirted Semen
Baltimore, MD - He was so different. He was black but Canadian. He was black and specialized in Hockey commentary and play by play, sometimes assuming a fake French accent when he did the latter at a velocity quicker than even the most amped up Per...
Read full storyEpiPen CEO Defends Huge Price Hike
"I'm not a villain," said Heather Avarice, chief executive of Extort Pharmaceuticals, one the few generic drug manufactures left in an oligopolistic industry noted for price gouging. She was speaking at a press conference today at company headquarte...
Read full storyTrump Claims Autopsy was Rigged, Blames Clinton
Associated Press, June 18, 2032: Donald Trump today disputed the results of his own autopsy. "I do not suffer from Whinorrhea," he stated. Trump insisted that President Clinton had tampered with the results, and claimed that he had seen televisio...
Read full storySeagull Asks Beach-goers to Provide Nutritious Snacks
In a press conference on the shore of Piney Beach NJ Fred the Seagull stood at the podium and implored "I have called this conference to ask people to please be more careful with the food items you bring to the beach, many of us pipers, seagulls, and...
Read full storyLocal charity hero comes to aid of Nigerian prince
WORCESTER - A local teenager is being celebrated as a charity hero after he came to the financial aid of a Nigerian prince. Thomas McArthur, 14, of Saint Dunstan's Crescent, received an email from the prince Tuesday night from the unsuspicious em...
Read full storyTrump suspends campaign amid rumors of mysterious Freeka virus!
The wire services broke the news this past hour that Donald Trump has suspended his campaign for President! An inside source has informed the New York Times that the offices are closed and that Trump and the entire staff have checked into a little kn...
Read full story