GOP Leaders Open House of Prostitution

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 17 August 2016


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Associated Press, by Manny Jack Moe --Republican leaders House Speaker Paul Ryan, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus have opened a house of ill repute near the famous Chicken Ranch in Nevada.

Aides to the principle players in the GOP commercial venture told this reporter that, since they have sold out to Donald Trump, and therefore have no ethics, they might as well "Make some big bucks by trafficking in prostitution."

The background to the story is that all three have severely criticized Mr. Trump as a racist, an incompetent, and have even thrown doubt on his entire candidacy. Ryan has criticized Trump's proposal to ban Muslims and his failure to denounce the Ku Klux Klan and using anti-Semitic imagery on social media.

Chairman Priebus, is reportedly exhausted from numerous 'phone calls to Trump demanding that he run a professional campaign.

All three have condemned Trump's repeated remarks that Judge Gonzalo Curiel was unfit to handle a lawsuit involving Trump University because he's Hispanic and because of Trump's attack on a Gold Star family. But for reasons of political expediency the three continue to support Trump as they watch him destroy their Republican Party.

A source close to Speaker Ryan, who asked to remain anonymous, said the three men aspire to have "the best little whorehouse in America." The house features patriotic themes. The large entrance has numerous American flags and guests are given flag lapels when they enter. Music which expresses love of country is played in the entrance room. The anonymous source revealed that the three GOP men "feel at home using patriotism as a con to manipulate guests into feeling less guilt about using sex workers to fulfill their often kinky desires."

When the "guests" arrive at the GOP house of prostitution they are ushered into a room and the "girls" are paraded before them so that they may choose the woman they want. The sex workers are dressed in costumes of red, white, and blue with spangles, stars and stripes. They sing 'Yankee Doodle," as they dance in front of the guests.

Just as the GOP as used religion as a means to persuade "values voters" that they are men of faith, guests are offered prayer circles to bond with the "girls" and proclaim their faith in "The Lord" after sexual activity is concluded.

Because of Trump's disastrous campaign, the GOP may go the way of the Whig Party, which was central to the two Party system from the early 1830s to the mid-1850s but passed away into history. So all that may be left of "The grand old party" is "The best little whorehouse in America."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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