Spokespersons for Mr. Trump have rushed forward to clarify that Mr. Trump has absolutely nothing to do with the latest alarm concerning genitalia eating fish with human teeth.
The pacu under scrutiny (related to the piranha) favors male genitalia.
The secret service has determined this tropical fish has been dumped into Michigan lakes by pet owners because they have grown too large (as long as one meter) for their fish tanks. They are expected to die off in the cold winter months.
Additionally, these genitalia eaters have not been captured, trained, and released into the water systems and swimming pools of US government representatives and candidate Hillary Clinton in particular.
Mr. Trump himself has been quick to emphasize that his campaign has made no attempt whatever to recruit these exotic creatures.
Previously he had stated:
"Look, folks, I'm not saying that a person could round up a bunch of these genitalia eating fish now available in Michigan, and train them up to go after the inept government people that simply do not represent us."
This comment immediately turned heads following Mr. Trump's recent problems over his second amendment reference to Hillary Clinton.
But the furor intensified when he added:
"And far be it for me to introduce this creature into any waters that Hillary, you know, happened to be bathing in and cleaning up her, you know, and I won't say more on that."
But when Mr. Trump himself stepped forward to clarify, only audience clamor could be heard with: "No, no, no, no," and "I never said that," and "Satire! Give me a break!"
In response, Hillary Clinton mounted a news conference, asserting: "I will say this. Once again, Mr. Trump has distorted his information. These fish eat only male genitalia, NOT female. I am safe, whereas he . . ."
But this unfinished comment from Ms. Clinton caused mainstream media heads to revolve a full three sixty followed by a vacuum--a momentary silence--before a roaring storm ensued, embracing every pundit and political talking head with access to a reporter.
Has Ms. Clinton joined the battle of threats in this year's presidential election?
What's next? Dueling? Gleaming little Glock pistols at forty paces?
But Ms. Clinton wasted no time in explaining herself:
"Of course I was not suggesting that if I owned one of these male genitalia eating creatures as a pet, and it snuggled up to me lovingly and did my bidding, that I would happily introduce it into one of Mr. Trump's sauna pools or whatever."
Congratulations on Ms. Clinton's wit immediately ensued from President Obama, Nancy Pelosi, The New York Times, and her husband Bill Clinton.