Trump never wanted to win the presidency

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Friday, 19 August 2016

image for Trump never wanted to win the presidency

Sources inside the Trump campaign, on a condition of anonymity, have revealed that Donald Trump never had any intention of winning the Presidency.

They say with the making Brietbart's News' combative far-right Chief Executive Steve Bannon and Roger Ailes formerChief of Fox News, campaign co-chairs, Trump's plan behind his candidacy for the nation's top combatant post (Commander-in-chief) has been revealed.

It turns out the Trump, who is a misogynist, xenophobe and racist has always hated Fox News because it wasn't far enough to the right. Ailes agrees with this assessment, although he abandoned public display of some of his anti-semetic, white nationalist views in order to make a profit for his boss, Rupert Murdoch. As for Bannon, his critics say, "He is to the right of Atilla The Hun."

Now the three men will unite to form a new media empire to be a forum for "alt-right" views and to obtain more viewers than all other cable news channels combined. For the reader who has never encountered the term alt-right, it is somewhat difficult for this reporter to explain the term in the space afforded here.

It is essentially a movement that is a vehicle for the worst dregs of human society: people who support white supremacists and who target blacks, Jews, women, Latinos, Muslims and intellectuals. In the stinking
fever swamps of the Brietbart web site, which was run by Steve Bannon, alt. right, found a voice. The alt-right is a movement born out of the youthful, subversive, underground edges of the Internet. 4chan and 8chan are hubs of alt-right activity.

My sources tell me that Trump brags, "I ran to convert my millions of voters into millions of viewers. That shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. I'm the best reality con man in America."

Trump is said to not be interested in the alt.right movement and really doesn't understand it. When Bannon tried to explain the ins and outs of it, Trump, who reportedly has the attention span of an eight-year-old, would not listen.

Instead he allegedly told the former Brietbart head, "I don't give a damn about what you and Ailes put on my TV station, and I just want my name to be front and center on its programs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more