Written by thomas o'hanlon

Sunday, 7 August 2016


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image for White Supremacist Comedians Angered by Fading Asian Accents
this ain't fair!

Throngs of Neo-Nazis pranksters, sarcastic Skinheads, and comedic KKK members marched on the capitol today demanding a return to the good old days when "A chinaman was a chinaman" as suggested by Pennsylvania Skin head bikers for Jesus president Zeke Norman.

"It has gotten to the point" he continued "where now when you enter a Chinese restaurant the gook behind the counter will speak perfect American and say something like 'Good afternoon, how may I help you?' and that ain't right"

Gus Mason, lifelong member of Gestapos for Jesus, had this to say about a recent sojourn to New York City to purchase authentic 1940s Iron Crosses "I'm in the store and I sees a squinty eyed yeller guy behind the counter and I'm thinking oh good the slave trade is alive and well here in the Big apple when alls of a sudden a stunning Blonde woman with blue eyes comes in the store and plant a big kiss on this fellers mouth and the feller says with no darn accent whatsoever 'morning sweetheart can you watch my store while I run to the bank' I mean who let that happened?" Gus asked rhetorically "I'll tell ya who, the New York Jews that's who"

It seemed as if a defeatist attitude had swept through the marchers as each one had a personal story about such an encounter. The rally which was meant to encourage congress to make it mandatory for all Asians to maintain an accent for three generations trended more toward a bitch session. At the podium, keynote speaker Norman struck this very note

"Sure, we came around when the Puerto Ricans started speaking perfect American but that's because their superior European blood finally took over" he moaned on "and it's still amusing to make fun of the Micks and the Hebs but dam, they laugh harder at themselves than we do" He looked down and shook his head "African American humor, well it's just old and had its day"

Corny the KKK clown took the mike "So I'm placing an order with Sears on the phone with what I presumed to be an American what with his no accent and sunny disposition and knowledge of the American league pennant race and all when this Roger fella tells me there is only one item left so I says 'Roger can you hold it for me Big fella I'll be right down? And Roger says of course Corny take your time.' So I walk into the store and meet this brown guy with a dot on his head and I says' where's Roger?' And he says 'I'm Roger you must be Corny.' So I look at his name tag and it says Raji and here's the worst part he don't smell like curry!"

Rather than rallying the crowd Corky was obviously commiserating with them as evidenced by the large groan the gathered emoted throughout his tale. "This ain't fair, what the fuck" he continued "this ain't fair what the fuck" he said again this time with a fist in the air. "This aint fair what the fuck" he offered and some in the crowd out of sheer embarrassment for this once grand KKK clown also shouted it along with him. "Oh fuck it" he said and left the stage which pretty much ended the rally.

On a bus back to Georgia I sat next to Zeke Crawford, the head writer for Anarchy television's hit comedy show "Them folks is assholes" Zeke looked despondent despite his ferocious ear lobe Nazi symbol. "it's over" he said, tears running down the F.T.W tattoo that spread from cheek to nose to cheek. "I mean who we gonna laugh at now" he asked this reporter as he scratched the newly carved 'supremacy' etching on his forehead. "who we gonna laugh at now?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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