Trump Campaign's new CEO Quits Fearing She'll be Fired

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Saturday, 27 August 2016

image for Trump Campaign's new CEO Quits Fearing She'll be Fired

A few months ago, Donald Trump tapped Kellyanne Conway to be his campaign manager. As an attractive, well-spoken, expert pollster she was supposed to put a good face on a campaign associated with vulgarity, unrestrained hatred, vicious attacks Muslims and Mexicans, and campaign surrogates such as Rudy, "The Screamer, Giuliani and Chris "Bridgegate" Christie.

Now a new scandal has arisen in the campaign as a new hire to be campaign CEO Steven Bannon, former chief of Brietbart, a racist, misogonist, white nationalist website, is accused of being a wife beater who threatened to take her children away if she pressed charges in court. Fearful, she was nowhere to be found.

Bannon had taken over from Paul Manafort who resigned as CEO after it was revealed that he had been an advisor to sleazy Ukranian politicians and it became known that $12.7 million dollars had been earmarked for him from a pro-Russian political party. Trump has has a kind of "bromance" with Putin and the Trump children told The Donald that Manafort had to go because it brought to public attention their father's love affair with the former KGB authoritarian near-dictator head of Russia.

With that background in mind, Kellyanne Conway appeared on the MSNBC Mourning Joe show and was quizzed by host, Joe Scarface.

"Doesn't Trump vet these undesirables before he hires them. Weren't there any background checks," he asked Kellyanne.

She responded that Mr. Trump couldn't do due diligence because he doesn't have the attention span. "He shouldn't be condemned for this, he deserves our sympathy, " the gigglilng CEO said.

"But what about yesterday's hiring of Bill Stephen to handle the ground operations of the campaign. Didn't he know that Chris Christie fired Stephen from his top aide position because of scandals involving his administration?," inquired Scarface.

Conway responded, "Look he gets all of his information from Fox and internet sites like 'Whites Rule,' and 'Spread The Hate.' How could he know about Bill Stephens's involvement in bridgegate? Give me a break Joe," said a smiling, attractive Kellyanne Conway.

Scarface pointed out that during a news conference at the construction site of his Washington hotel in March, he plucked a woman from the audience and offered her a job with his company saying, "She seemed like a good person to me. What was that all about, what does that say about him?" asked Mourning Joe.

"Don't you see what a great guy he is? He's a little impulsive but that's ok. That incident just shows that he loves women, just like he loves his three wives," she laughed. "Look Mr. Trump makes mistakes in hiring but he just loves to say 'You're Fired!" to remedy situations, just like he fired his first two wives so he could have the latest trophy version." Kellyanne couldn't seem to stop laughing.

At this point Mika Brzezinskichevnoki, the daughter of the Secretary of the War Department under Jimmy Carter, and the show's co-host said to Conway, "How can you take such a light-hearted approach to such serious issues. Aren't you putting your job in jeopardy?"

"No, I'm quitting before he fires me. He fired Manafort, and he'll fire Bannon just as he has gotten rid of many campaign operatives, and he'll have to fire Bill Stephen. I'd probably be next."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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