Trump Hears from God While Trapped on Elevator

Funny story written by Mike Peril

Monday, 1 August 2016

image for Trump Hears from God While Trapped on Elevator
Trump's Campaign Claims that Donald Trump was Misunderstood

Colorado Springs, CO: Donald Trump claimed in his stump speech that he heard a message from God while trapped on an elevator just before a rally in Colorado Springs.

"You know," he stated, "I need to say it, I shouldn't, but okay I will. I was trapped on the elevator just moments before, and, I know what you are saying, but I heard him, I did, I heard Him, and more than ever I believe I am the chosen one to lead America."

The crowd chanted "Trump, Trump" and Trump carried on with his usual stump speech without further comment on the matter. After the rally reporters pressed Trump about his experience with God.

"Believe me when I say it, the message was loud and clear. He told me that the unborn should be protected but that it is equally important for a woman to not let her body be controlled by man. He told me that killing another is wrong but that as important is an eye for an eye."

Before reporters could ask questions, Trump continued: "He told me that I will be the best jobs creation President ever when and if more job creation is needed. Finally, he told me that the U.S. capital should be relocated from D.C. to New York City and that Trump Tower should be the center, the center, of the U.S. government, because, believe me, my buildings are more fire resistant and have safer elevators."

"His expressed words", continued Trump, "were for me to "Go back to Trump Tower and instead continue to lead my people and create jobs up there!"

Immediately after the press conference, the Trump Campaign acknowledged a "misunderstanding" and stated that Mr. Trump did not hear the reporter's question correctly. The reporter has since been expelled from future press conferences. Trump explained that he was simply using sarcasm to make a point.

"Mr. Trump misunderstood and was just using sarcasm to express his opposition to abortion, his approval of capital punishment, and to discuss jobs creation and the benefits of Trump Tower," said Campaign Chairman Paul Manafort, "to interpret otherwise is ridiculous."

Manafort continued, "While trapped, Mr. Trump actually heard the voice of the Colorado Springs Fire Marshall who was pretending to be God on the elevator speaker phone. Mr. Trump figured out this ruse immediately. The Fire Marshall and Crooked Hillary, using a DNC script, pre-planned the elevator malfunction. By the way, Secretary Clinton believes God is a woman and on her side. What a joke."

On Twitter, Clinton wrote: "Let's hope God is a woman, a minority woman at that. Then I would have a 98% chance of securing Her vote. LOL #(thank)God4Hillary #Stick2EscalatorsDonald #ClearHisBlackSoul - H"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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