Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Sunday, 7 August 2016

image for Pokemon Go Players Killed on Artillery Range
U.S. Army guard dog, ever watchful

A group of eight geeky university frat house buddies was instantly killed by a single round from an M777 self-propelled howitzer when they ventured onto a firing range at Fort Sill, Oklahoma.

"Training accidents are always tragic", read a statement issued by base commander General Snafu, "but, in this case, I'm curious as hell to find out just how these kids managed to get as far as they did onto our base. It's not like anyone just blunders through our security perimeter while absentmindedly staring at a smartphone screen."

Local pub owner Fitzroy "Fizzy" Whitehead, however, was rather skeptical of the general's assertion:

"I'm sure that's exactly how it happened!" he scoffed. "Kids were so absorbed in the game, they walked right through the concertina wire, and didn't feel a thing. The young recruits on sentry duty probably didn't even look up from their own smartphones to see what their dogs were barking at, and, to a hardcore Pokemon geek, a German Shepherd looks just like a character they need to collect. Plus, them army dogs are tame enough to eat stale weenies out of my hand and then roll over for tummy rubs!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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