BURNT CORN, AL--Donald Trump, at a rally Tuesday in Alabama, was hospitalized after he began choking on his own ego.
Trump was building up to the peroration of his speech, in which he praised himself as the sole solution to all that ails the United States, when he concluded with, "America is now in such dire straits--with rapists from Mexico, jihadists crossing the Canadian border to bomb our churches, babies being aborted even before conception occurs, and Crooked Hillary mishandling her emails and causing havoc worldwide--that I am the only person who can save us! I am so incredibly strong, so incredibly effective, that I will win in November by numbers never before-ugh, ugh, cough cough--"
At this point, Trump was seen grabbing his throat with his hands as his face began to turn red, and then blue.
The dogged candidate nevertheless tried to get back on track: "I am such an incredible--ugh, ugh--speaker--that--" Again the candidate grabbed his throat and turned red and then blue, before toppling off the stage.
In order to carry both Trump and his ego to the local hospital, a large capacity ambulance had to be called for the huge load that is Donald Trump. When questioned about the incident later that day, Trump said (through his rectum), "I'm doing pretty well, and my ego is also doing really well. In fact it is so fantastic, I've never seen an ego as incredible as my own. I have the best ego."