Satan Rebukes Trump, Says He'll Vote Clinton

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

image for Satan Rebukes Trump, Says He'll Vote Clinton
Satan hired an artist to show what Donald Trump might look like without any hair.

Adding his name to the list of prominent Republicans who say they won't vote for Donald Trump, Satan has said he will vote his conscience this fall.

Satan, who usually stays behind the scenes at Fox News, made an unusual appearance on the network taking Bill O'Rielly's place for ten minutes to talk about his disavowal of Trump.

"If it means voting for Clinton to keep Donald Trump from winning the election," explained Satan, "then I'm with Hillary. He's severely damaged the Republican brand and we can't let him destroy it completely."

"Sure the GOP is the party of bigotry, misogyny and persecution of the poor, and of course those things all lead to my fiery kingdom. Now for someone who is a salesman Trump isn't really soft selling the more controversial aspects in order to keep from alienating a large swath of the electorate. Trump's own policies are harsh but not much worse than the GOP's, If he could have toned down the racism and hate he could have had a better chance. Fraud and deception are my forte so believe me when I say you've got to have some subtlety to lure in the people who might still be on the sidelines."

The fallen angel wrapped up his speech reiterating that he will vote for Clinton in the general election.

"Hillary is the slow road to hell compared to the GOP Reeperbahn I prefer, but Donald Trump is destroying conservatism and all I've worked so hard on, and that is why I'm voting Hillary, maybe by 2020 we can field a viable Republican candidate."

Paul Ryan countered Satan's assessment when he told reporters in Washington D.C. that Hillary is not the answer.

"Do I often disagree with Donald Trump and have to threaten him with a spanking every few days? Yes, but we still have more in common than we disagree on, Hillary Clinton's policies will be four more years of Obama's disastrous policies and that's something we can't afford to let happen."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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