Written by Mike Peril

Monday, 8 August 2016

image for Michael Phelps Credits Brazil's "Thin Water" with Gold Medal Win
Noted Scientists are Analyzing the Pool Water's Thinness

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil--Michael Phelps credited Brazil's "thin water" for his recent gold medal win. Phelps stated that the "thin water" in Brazil makes him and others swim faster, allowing them to shatter World records.

"It's the thin water," said Phelps. "It's less humid and you go through faster. It's like H2O plus, or as I like to think about it, H2O something something."

Phelps returns to Olympic glory after two DUI arrests in past years. Reporters wondered exactly what "thin water" is, how it is unique to Brazil, and what Phelps meant by "something something."

One noted sports scientist explained: "I believe that the 'something something' is not part of the H2O formula and not actually in the pool itself, but something external."

But others disagreed. One spectator noted that the water is thin because it is currently winter in Rio rather than summer, and winter water is thinner in Brazil. He stated that it is a joke to call the event the "Summer Olympics".

And a lifeguard at the Olympic pool stated that she does not swim very well but was able to pass the lifeguard test taken in the Olympic pool. She said she really does not know why she was hired given the fact that all swimmers are world class experts. However, a native of Brazil, she said she knows exactly what Phelps means by "something something" and "thin water".

"While off duty I was talking with Michael Phelps ahead of the big swim when he got the gold. When he asked about the 'something something' ahead of the swim I knew exactly what he meant and then we both smiled. I love bonding with my swimmers."

Olympic judges promised to keep a close on eye on the matter, releasing a formal press release, loosely translated from Portuguese: "The pool water is not more thin and it is not less humid, it is pool water for God sakes. This is Rio, and whatever happens in Rio stays in Rio. Kids, just be safe, good luck and have fun."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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