Does This Election Season Have You Wanting to Pull Out Your Hair?

Funny story written by Madlen G

Wednesday, 31 August 2016

image for Does This Election Season Have You Wanting to Pull Out Your Hair?
Can't control what's flying out of my mouth!

It's been a grueling 18 months of listening to Donald Trump's "policies" and Hillary Clinton's ongoing email saga.

Much like boxing, the two opponents have been talking smack about one another before going head-to-head in the debate rounds. Come November, which candidate will win the championship and title, President of the United States?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2016 Presidential Election!

Hailing from New York, in the red corner we have Donald J. Trump. The business tycoon has all the qualifications necessary to build shiny gold buildings with his name plastered all over them in bold 10,000 font. Trump is best known for his role on Celebrity Apprentice, his obsessive love for walls, and lighting fast thumbs when entering into Twitter wars.

In the blue corner we have Hillary who dropped the Rodham Clinton. The former First Lady is best known on the fairytale love story of how Bill met Hillary, her dislike of a former White House intern, her disappearing emails, and crossing her fingers while holding positions in political office to become the next president.

The two opponents have been training relentlessly, gearing up for Election Day. Trump's diet has consisted of making abortion illegal, obtaining permits to carry a concealed weapon, which you can also receive the same day you get your drivers license, and making America great again by deporting all illegal immigrants. Wait, define illegal. Illegal as in someone just crossed border and they shouldn't have or we all have to leave and the Native American's get to stay? I mean how far back are we going here? Anyone? Anyone?

On the other hand, Clinton's maintained a slightly different diet, which consists of installing half a billion solar panels, banning military guns, and making community colleges tuition free. Just think, you too can enroll in the feminist's critique of Christianity or take a course in underwater basket weaving.

Although, both party supporters cannot stand one another, this campaign has left many Americans scratching their heads and wondering, how in the world did we wind up with these two in the ring?

In order to combat the side effects of this election season, many believe there maybe a solution. Studies have shown just four to six cups of Jack Daniels per day will knock you right out till November. You'll not only wake up feeling refreshed and brand new, but most importantly, there will be a new POTUS.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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