Looser Guccifer 2.0 delves into candidates' plans for October Surprise

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

image for Looser Guccifer 2.0 delves into candidates' plans for October Surprise
White House as hotel for international clientele with fine dining (president living in the basement) on hold for now

The presidential candidates' polling highs and lows are roller coastering on and on.

Recently, unpleasant odors of DNC manipulating for Clinton, plus hacks into The Clinton Foundation, threatened a downward sag.

This was prevented via blowing large nasty clouds of black smoke toward Russia (as with Vladimir Putin behind the hacking problem, snarling).

Dangle the red rag and get the public's dander up = standard playbook.

Meanwhile, Trump intimates: Feel angry as I do, join me, but don't blame me if I do a Bernie.

Asked about continuing support for a candidate so out of his depth, as with who founded ISIS, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan responded, "Donald's charisma outweighs his tongue. We're counting on public memory--currently estimated at fourteen minutes."

Mr. Trump's polls following this comment lost six points to Hillary until she responded:

"In fact, the roots of the creation of this enemy go proudly further back!"

This misspeaking herself with "proudly," including subsequent efforts to scrub the word, cost her all those points.

According to hacker Looser Guccifer 2.0, Clinton-Kaine will boost final poll numbers via release of the following October Surprise:

Trump discovered in deal with Putin to build towers.

Huge Putin Towers. Phallic. In bed with Putin plot. Along the beach next to the Russian Naval Base at Sebastopol there.

These towers will be part of a casino complex in South Crimea to rival Las Vegas.

Tourism enormous.

Hilton-Kaine continue: This explains everything. The only reason Trump is running for president is this construction deal!

But Trump-Pence will jockey back into the polling tides for the best release time on their October Surprise--

The Clinton Foundation is not only open to contributions, with a favoring disposition toward those who donate.

It also plans to move into a Favors R Us phase directly.

The Foundation's mission statement:

Contributions to The Clinton Foundation will bring financial and/or territorial development assistance. Bring your money. No waiting.

Both candidates will vie with their "October Surprise" in the dying moments of the campaign, and could swing over into the numbers broad swathes of contempt (or celebration).

Mr. Trump responded: "Well, the Constitution is in bed with free enterprise, folks. Okay?"

"Okay, okay. Wedded to. In holy writ. Is that better?"

A spokesperson for The Clinton Foundation stated: "We ask only that the words satisfaction guaranteed be added to the mission statement."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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