It has been hailed as the greatest religious artefact since the Turin shroud. Biblical archaelogists digging in Montana, USA, believe they have found the cloth that Jesus Christ used to mop up his masturbatory ejaculations.
Some scholars have questioned the authenticity of the discovery, not just because Jesus is not thought to have been a regular tosser, but also because very few people believe he actually visited Montana.
Lead digger Alfen Sommat said, "It is clear Jesus visited the US. It says so in the Mormon Bible. And in the days before Joseph Smith, Jesus wouldn't have known it was wrong to play with himself. It all makes perfect sense really."
If the discovery is genuine, then it could provide the amazing opportunity to clone Jesus. Christian leader Christian Leader thought it would be immoral. He said, "Obviously cloning Jesus would be a fantastic opportunity to meet the man, but it would quite literally be playing god."
Donald Trump is said to be interested in purchasing the holy jizz mop for use as a new toupee.
