Written by Backandtotheleft

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

In a drive to arrest falling numbers of visitors to our seaside towns one such place has taken drastic measures to ensure it's future. Sleepy Salminton On Sea has declared that every visitor over the age of 18 can claim a free bottle of wine upon arrival (and on production of a return bus ticket). This is because even the seaside is far better if your blasted on a good red.

Local Mayer Shaun Theed said:

We need to reinvent Slaminton. British holidaymakers think that English beaches are all dog shit, used condoms and illegal sewage dumping. We want to show then that that's not all we've got to offer.
You can get pissed here as well!

It seems to Back and to the Lefts news that small seaside towns are trying to capture the hedonistic, carefree atmosphere of Ibiza or Krasnodar. Luring in the wild partying types who are accustomed on splurging loads of cash on low priced booze.

Nora Wills who has owned a souvenir shop in the town for 68years has embraced the new direction.

I think it was about time we had a image change the place was dying on it's arse. I'm happy to accommodate the new type of clientele were going to get. I've got four cans of Heineken for four quid and a small bottle of vodka for 8 cant go wrong for that price. I'm also stocking glow sticks and a variety of vibrating blow up sheep for the more adventurous among us.

We asked her what the overall impact was likely to be on the town's atmosphere.

Buggered if I know and buggered if I care. All I know is if people are pissed their more likely to buy my cheap tat that I've got in stock.

She was right. We'd only had six beer and we'd already bought two fridge magnets with shells on them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Beach, wine, seaside, pissed




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