Trump Pamphlet Calls Women Prone To Sin And Evil

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 24 August 2016


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The Family Research Council is know to be the most important anti-gay advocacy group in the country. Lesser know is its attitude toward women. It's head, Tony Perkins and many others belong to denominations which bar women from serving as pastors because the Bible only prohibits a woman from being a "spiritual leader and says they should 'stand by their man.'" Some members go so far as to say that being a "spiritual leader" cannot be separated from being a political leader, so a woman shouldn't hold public office.

Richard Pig, the head of the Southern Baptist Convention's political arm, said that it was perfectly fine for a woman to serve in the role of being a public servant as long as she begs for her husband's consent. Many Christians would agree with that assessment, that's because wifely submission - also known as complementarian theology - is central to the faith of many evangelicals.

The well-know evangelical Sara Jane Preposterous explains, the "husband is the spiritual head of the household, the wife his obedient 'helpmeet,' carries the holy vessel for their children in her sacred womb, and must be a devoted mother, wear amor and be and warrior for the faith. She looks askance at women who want to be in politics and calls them whores.

Sam Meathead, a former Pennsylvania state legislator who heads the American Pastor's Network, which works to organize politically engaged conservative pastors, cited the book of Isaiah this month to argue that having women in political leadership is a mark of judgment upon a nation and will lead to eternal damnation for all its "perverted, deranged citizens." "God does raise up women," he explained, "but that's to obey their masters, otherwise know as 'husbands.'"

And Jesse Lee Peterson, a frequent guest on conservative talk shows, has also argued that women should never have been given the right to vote. While the well-known conservative evangelical, Phyllis Shitfly, thinks women should vote, she asks "Why should a woman be President when we have had great men in that office with subservient wives playing supporting roles."

With this background in mind it is no surprise that the Donald Trump campaign has outreach to misogynist evangelicals called the Medieval Opinion Maker's Advisory Council. The group has published a pamphlet entitled, "Know Your Place Lady." In it John Porcine of the First Baptist Church in Babble, TX, points out that in ancient Israel, where God made the Jews his chosen people, women did not hold public office.

"If Holy King God had felt that women should be political leaders, He would have chosen a culture where women were in that role. That God did not, binds us today to his choice against women leaders because we must all abide by the teachings of the Holy Ghost, who wrote the infallible, hallowed text with the aid of Her Blessedness, the Ghostess, he argues.

Professor Peter Condum of The College of Sacred Limb Wisdom Seminary in Broken Glass, GA, takes a rather dim view of what he calls "the lesser sex." He points out in the creation myth in the Book of Genesis, the evil snake goes to Eve to tempt her into giving Adam the apple from the tree of the fruit of knowledge. "The wise snake knew that the silly, over-sexed, vile weakling Eve would succumb to the snake, not to the stronger, manly Adam.

"So sex came into the world 'cause they were naked and ashamed of their evil genitals and nipples. We don't need women to tempt men and take them away from the nation's business, " he writes.

Pastor Peter P. Peter of Full Gospel JumboChurch in Piedmont Ville SC, takes a practical view where he explains in the Trump pamphlet, "After women got the vote we had the disaster of prohibition, world-wide depression, and World War II, the most horrendous, genocidal war in history. One would be a fool not to see the causal correlation."

Weather candidate Trump can increase his vote by appealing to the vote of the followers of complementarian theology, mostly in Southern rural areas, will be ascertained on Election Day.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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