Written by XRhonda Speaks

Saturday, 13 August 2016

image for Suicidal Man Orders Chocolate Milk In Pub, Fights With Police
A US man became suicidal after losing all of his money to the Trump Church of Monetary Unification.

A US man tried to commit suicide by cop outside of a Brixton pub and learned that not all police respond with lethal force as a first measure.

Barkeep Angela DeBroder described what happened that night at Jubilee Pub and Bistro.

"Anyone could see when he walked in he was pissed or high on something, and he was in distress too, he said he was wiped out financially after putting all of his money in something called TrumpMarks. I told him I wouldn't serve him any alcohol but he could have coffee or anything else on the menu. He started demanding a chocolate milk like it was going to cause a stir, so I told him I would be happy to make him a hot chocolate and meanwhile I signaled Mr. J to call the police."

Agitated but distracted, Mike Ambrosio sipped his steamed milk with cocoa and almond extract until police arrived.

"I tried to keep him talking until the police could get here because he kept talking about doing something to end it all," DeBroder said. "He even said he hoped the police would come and kill him. When they did get here he walked out with the officers like it was nothing, but then he pulled something out of a pocket and there was a fight on the sidewalk."

According to the police report the two officers quickly disarmed the weapon wielding Ambrosio with batons and then wrapped a blanket around the crying and shivering man as EMTs checked him out. As it turned out the weapon was only a child's squirt gun.

Several witnesses said the man was crying and yelling to the officers, "Why don't you shoot me? Please shoot me!"

Ambrosio was held overnight at nearby Lambeth Hospital then released to police. Ambrosio is facing charges of assault on an officer of the law and being a stupid American while in a foreign country.

The man's sister Debbie Watts has reached out on behalf of her family to thank the local police for not killing her brother.

"My family is grateful to the police, The different mindset and training of the police there is the reason my brother is alive and will be sponging off of our family for years to come. If this had happened in the states, well I don't want to think of what might have happened."

Mrs. Watts blamed Donald Trump and his Church of Monetary Unification for her brothers troubles.

"Trump's church brokers talked him into selling everything and putting the money into TrumpMarks, they convinced him he was going to double or quadruple his money and now Trumpmarks are virtually worthless. My brother has not been the same ever since he joined Trump's fake church..."

Ambrosio's family have retained the international law firm of Sanders and Cassandro, which successfully sued Donald Trump and Trump University in a class action suit in 2016. Founding partner, Barrister Chabot Sanders, is taking on the case personally, he spoke to this reporter by phone from London.

"I think we can get our client's legal case in the UK dismissed with an agreement that he seeks continuing psychiatric treatment once he is home in the US," Sanders said. "Further we will seek full compensatory and punitive damages from Donald Trump and his Church of Monetary Unification on behalf of Mr. Ambrosio."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pubs, pissed, Brixton




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