Grand Teton, Wyoming: Facing a free fall in numerous recent polls, Donald J. Trump and Mike Pence jumped out of an airplane yesterday as a publicity stunt to prove that that they can recover from such a precipitous drop. They survived.
It has been reported that Donald J. Trump initially sought advice from Jeb Bush, whom Trump famously called "Low Energy" in primaries after Jeb initially scored high poll numbers.
Jeb was staying at the Dallas, Texas home of his father, former President George Herbert Walker Bush. Jeb has been staying there for an extended term to recover from his embarrassing defeat to Trump in the primaries.
When the phone rang at noon, the younger Bush was still in bed sleeping off a long night partying and drinking piña coladas with his brother, former President George W. Bush. They were reported to have been dancing awkwardly with naked beautiful Latino models and then painting them onto white canvasses, using water colors, gels and whipped cream.
The elder Bush raced in his wheelchair to grab Trump's call. He pulled the phone receiver from the hands of his wife Barbara, who was wearing a blue dress and a white pearl necklace. Barbara was recalling with Trump some of her happier days in the White House.
"I understand deeply what attracts people to you," she reportedly told Trump.
"Go jump out of an airplane, you ass," the elder Bush, known for his skydiving experience, was reported to have said, muttering "thousand points of light, my ass!" just before the call disconnected.
Trump's sons, Donald Jr. and Eric, were unavailable to provide advice since they were still killing leopards and elephants in Zimbabwe on a trip without their wives. Reportedly afterwards they were in the process of using local villagers to find some sheep to help them calm down and sleep from an exciting day of kills.
Trump agreed with the elder Bush that a skydiving event would be good publicity and Pence agreed to go along. Trump and Pence jumped from the plane together over Grand Teton, skydiving tandem. The free fall lasted just over a minute, and the parachute ride was six minutes. The parachute landed on a frightened female observer.
After landing, Trump and Pence faced a barrage of reporters, mostly from news organizations currently banned from Trump's indoor events.
Trump described the experience. "I shouldn't say it, but okay, it was great, a really great experience, for both of us, so unexpected, believe me."
"Pence was behind me, in tandem, hugging my torso tight, screaming in my ear like a transgendered wuss. Sorry Mike, I had to say it. And then he said, as we were falling together, 'You know, this feels right.' And I said, 'No, Pence, this feels good!'
"And then I demanded, 'Pull on it, pull on it hard you worthless sixpence, but of course Sixpence wouldn't do it, so then I pulled on it, quite hard I may add, and believe me, we both came, simultaneously I might add, we both came to the mutual understanding that we would rise back up, together, again and again. Just then the parachute string was released in time. It was quite exhilarating, thousand mile club kind of thing, believe me, really, what a release."
Pence looked confused but nodded in enthusiastic agreement.
Trump continued, "Then we saw this girl, this beautiful young girl, wig, in disguise, running from us, tied in our chute, apparently she went missing, started screaming when she saw us, said she was running away because her parents were voting for us and she wanted to join ISIS. Poor girl. See what are the chances? To find a missing girl like that, getting that news of her parents' support, so nice, we are so popular, the polls are just rigged."
One reporter asked how they plan to go back up in the polls now that the publicity stunt is over? Trump and Pence looked up into the cloudless blue sky, Pence scratched his head, but neither answered. Then Trump stated, "Have I mentioned Hillary's emails? Bengazi? Crooked, Unstable Hilary."
Upon later criticism that the tandem skydive by two inexperienced men was irresponsible, Trump Campaign Manager Paul Manafort stated that the publicity stunt was actually the brainchild of Hillary Clinton. "Once again we see evidence of poor decision-making by Hillary Clinton. Woman across America should take note at just how bad Hillary Clinton's judgment can be. Typical woman, doesn't even know the consequences of what she is recommending."
Former Trump Campaign Manager and current CNN correspondent Corey Lewandowski sated, "Mr. Manafort doesn't know what he's talking about. Mr. Trump is seeking advice from the wrong people. Mr. Putin, if you are listening, please, please take me back, I want to be with you and Mr. Trump when we make America great again."