Trump Reveals Test Questions For Immigrants

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

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In his speech today in Ohio, Donald Trump outlined his plans to combat Islamic extremism, including creating an ideological test for immigrants entering the country. It includes questions addressing how each applicant views American values.

The candidate made copies of the test available to the press. Here are some sample questions:

1) Do you agree that Christianity is under siege and is retreating in the U.S. and must be restored to greatness by the President of the United States?

2 Do you consider it wrong that, when the world trade center came tumbling down, thousands of people, some in ankle length robes, others in burqas, were cheering?

3) Do you think that extreme torture, way beyond waterboarding, is an acceptable method of extracting information from suspected Islamic terrorist family members including children?

4) Do you agree that the second amendment to the U.S. constitution, which guarantees every American the right own a machine gun, is the most important Amendment?

5) "People who work very, very hard to create tall buildings are America's true heroes as opposed to those inept military people who are captured in wartime," is a statement I agree with.

6) Do you concur with the idea that "sometimes only a president can fix the nation's problems."

7) Do you believe that the best taco bowls are made in the Trump Tower Grill?

8) Do you approve of the statement, "Sometimes a national leader cannot know the meaning of 'white supremacy and have never heard of David Duke?'''

9) "Building a high, beautiful 1,954-mile border wall
to keep out undesirables from the U.S. would be as great an achievement as sending a man to the moon," is factually correct.

10) "I would not mind if an immigration official visited my home weekly to test if I were loyal to the values that made the U.S. the land of free enterprise and the brave, " is a statement with which I concur.

11) If eventually granted citizenship, after obtaining a visa, and answering a Citizenship Test with questions such as these, I will strive to be a winner not a loser.

12) Some of the best presidents of the U.S. have shown breathtaking ignorance of policy, both foreign and domestic.

13) When the U.S. Constitution interferes with the efficient functioning of
government, it is the duty of the President to disregard it.

14) If granted a visa, I assent to the surveillance of my house of worship by armed agents of the U.S. I further expect that it might be shut down If subversive activity is expected.

15) I agree with the statement that the CIA and the FBI should be in charge of a national registry of people whose religion shows tendencies toward un-American values, folkways, and mores.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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