RAQQA, SYRIA - "Who'd have thought?" Jihadi John muttered to himself "that it'd end up like this." In the end it hadn't been a drone that had brought the man known only as Jihadi John, from West London but joined the so-called Islamic State in 2012, to justice, it had been a group of teenagers in their beaten up van "The Mystery Machine."
The teenagers in question, Velma, Daphne, Fred, Shaggy and their faithful dog Scooby, had been monitoring the figure for a few days and, after a number of comical chase sequences and the ingestion of some illicit substance known by its street name "Scooby Snacks" they finally came to tie up Mr J. John in front of a crowd of eager journalists, as Velma proudly explained how they came to capture Jihadi John.
Velma then concluded her moment in the spotlight by declaring "and we know who Jihadi John REALLY is!" before lifting the mask off the masked figure to reveal a corrupt real estate developer with a hardened face through years of being typecast as an embittered villain in low-budget productions.
"Yes!" He declared to the astonished media presence before declaring that he "would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids!"