There were 97 spoof news stories published in September 2015. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Queen Victoria Storms Onto Twitter!
Let the royal catfight begin. Word is that the late Queen Victoria, enraged by the fact that the length of Queen Elizabeth's reign has now eclipsed her own (thereby creating tons of publicity for the current monarch), feels compelled to speak out...
Read full storyPresident McKinley Disgusted to Lose His Mountain
Former President McKinley returned from the dead (he was assassinated in 1901) yesterday and held a press conference in NYC's Grand Central Station. He wants the world to know how disgusted he is that the U.S. has changed the name of North America's...
Read full storySoccer's Green Card Plan. Insert Your Own Trump Immigration Jokes Here
It's happened again. People's inability to read a news story to the end has got immigration fretters wearing away the last strand holding their heads on. European soccer chiefs this week announced a scheme to introduce green cards to profession...
Read full storyAllahuh Ak Bar opens in Bradford
A new non-alcoholic kebab bar has opened in Bradford today specialising in vegetarian and gluten-free kebabs, although in an effort not to insult some potential customers, it won't be declared nut-free. Thought by cynics to be named after the hue...
Read full storyMichael Richards: "Yes, Alfalfa Is My Father."
Michael Richards has never talked about it publicly, but the famous Seinfeld actor felt it was finally time to honor his father, Carl Switzer - better known to most people as "Alfalfa" from the Our Gang shorts. "Dad would have been 88 in August. I'm...
Read full storyKim Jong-un threatens South Korea with Donald Trump clones
In the most threatening rhetoric from Pyongyang yet the North Korean leader made it clear that if the South doesn't stop broadcasting Justin Bieber music through loudspeakers across the Korean DMZ that "A death worse than nucrear war wirr forrow".
Read full storyForty miles is a long way to travel by car, let alone throw passes in untold years of NFL games
Forty miles is a long way to travel by car, let alone throw a football. Peyton Manning's 10-yard pass to fellow Denver Broncos wide receiver Emmanuel Sanders about halfway through the game Thursday night (Sept. 17) at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City...
Read full storyDonald Trump apologizes, then says it's the greatest apology ever made.
New York, NY. In a shocking report surprising many across the political landscape, Donald Trump has issued a statement of apology that begins by saying, "I would like to apologize for all the inflammatory, insulting and divisive statements I've made...
Read full storyBorn Again Stripper Refuses to Strip at the Brass Ass Because of Her Religious Convictions
NEWPORT, KY--Proclaiming that her soul now stands naked before Jesus, Pinky Boudoir, a stripper at the Brass Ass in Newport, Kentucky, said that her religious beliefs no longer allow her to strip at her place of employment. Her employer, Harry Tedes…
Read full storyTrump Exits Campaign And The U.S.
Donald Trump, at a hastily called news conference, today announced that he would no longer be a candidate for the GOP presidential nomination. In exiting, the billionaire builder explained, "I only ran for the nomination to have some fun and to pr...
Read full storyScientists Find the Remains of Homo Moderatus Republicanus in a Parking Lot in Columbus, OH
Columbus, OH--Archeologists from Ohio State University, in a dig in a parking lot where an Elks Club once stood, announced that they had found the now extinct, but once fairly common, remains of a species they are calling Homo Moderatus Republicanus.
Read full story'Scientists' pretend to find another missing link in Homo Naledi!
'Scientists' have proudly announced the discovery of some human like fossils, and absolutely true to form have concluded them to be yet another link in the mind boggling chain of so called missing links. The bones were discovered in a cave near Jo...
Read full storyEngland Victory Denialist Challenges Mainstream Views on World Cup 1966
Robust writer and charismatic rhetorician David Irving has just published some astonishing revisionist historical allegations. Yes: England's most non-UKIP of Holocaust revisionists now claims that Germany never lost the World Cup in 1966. Irving does admit that he didn't always think of it this way. However, there was as long, slippery slope, before he finally found 'bullshit at the end of...
Read full storyTrump To Paint The Gums And Toes Of 11 Million Illegals Purple
BILLINGSGATE POST: At a raucous tailgate party before the football game between the Iowa Hawkeyes and the Iowa State Cyclones Saturday afternoon, Donald Trump was asked what he was going to do to identify the 11 million illegal aliens who now live i...
Read full storyOld Lady Arrested Outside Bank
An elderly woman was arrested in Kensington Hight Street London, England yesterday for malicious vandalism and wanton destruction of private property. Mrs. Edith Entwhistle explained to police who arrested her: "This is MY bank. Every letter I...
Read full storySexbots Replace Human Sex Workers
A campaign has been launched by the 'Alliance of Human Escorts and Sex Workers' for a ban on robots designed for sexual pleasure. 'Non-humans have made the hard work of flesh and blood sex workers look far too easy', said Union spokesman Tommy Tal...
Read full storyGoogle Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.
Barney Google googled Google just to ogle the googles about Gooble. The googles that Google googled had oodles of googles about Google. There is a gargantuan glossary of googles about Googles. Gaggles of Google groupies google Google all the time. They can be real gangling gadflys about googling Google, gallantly gallivanting about gobsmacking about googling Googles thinking they are groovy.
Read full storyLemonade Stands Downgraded to CCC by Standard & Poor's
Wall Street - Standard & Poor's has downgraded the credit rating of lemonade stands to CCC from its previous rating of BB. Both ratings are considered non-investment grade, which means S&P considers lemonade stands to be very risky investmen...
Read full storyKentucky Court Clerk Nearing Completion of Preparations for Martyrdom Speaking Tour
Morehead, Rowan County, KY - Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis has nearly completed her preparations to become a martyr and speaker on the subject of the abomination of same-sex marriage. Davis decided earlier this year that she wanted to make a caree...
Read full storyPsychologists discover I'm Actually An Asshole Disorder
Recent research into Antisocial Personality Disorder sufferers has uncovered a related, but much more serious disorder called I'm Actually An Asshole Disorder. Dr Novous Reck from the Berlin-based Itsalla Bout-May Institute presented his findings...
Read full storyNiagara Falls discovered on Mars!
Photos being sent back to earth by Martians proves the point that there is water on Mars, and a f'ing load of it! The photos show a replica Niagara Falls gushing over the side of a mountain not in Canada, Planet Earth! NASA expert, Professor Einst...
Read full storyGhost of Elvis Witnesses to Young Musician
A stunning apparition that left a twenty year old witness all shook up claimed to be Elvis Presley, with a message from Heaven. Zeke was playing his guitar, in his Memphis garage, when suddenly, lightning struck outside, and an apparition stood be...
Read full storyFacebook Privacy Update Backfires on users
In a world in which most online users are quick to copy and paste any post without verification or research the more tech savy hackers and online "Hacktavists" have once again used the "sheeple" of the internet to spread their message thru malware. T...
Read full storyDonald Trump to Appear on America's Got Talent
NEW YORK, NY - Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump announced today that he will appear on NBC's 'America's Got Talent' in the upcoming fall season. The announcement came shortly after President Obama announced that he would be appeari...
Read full storyHezbollah Fury at Assad's "Secular Inclinations" Revelation
Hezbollah has been assisting President Assad of Syria in fighting many of his enemies, not least the self-styled "Caliph" Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. However, Hezbollah has recently decided to pull their forces out of Syria, on account of a shameless revelation the Syrian leader made on a Qatarese television show. In front of millions of viewers, Assad wept: I've had something on my mind a l...
Read full storyBrits claim Mars as rainwater identified on surface
The UK government has declared Mars British territory after NASA confirmed rainwater has been found on its surface. British PM David Cameron made the announcement this morning in London. "Good morning, God Bless the Queen, her corgis and Prince Ch...
Read full storyShould We Eat Animals That Piss Us Off? Dolphin 'Smack Chatter' Reopens The Debate
We have come to think of dolphins as intelligent mammals; the sages of the sea, who have even been known to save a human or two caught in troubled waters. That status is now under review following groundbreaking research about to be published by The...
Read full storySchoolboy praised for spraying staff with fire extinguisher at Folkestone school
A schoolboy has been praised after setting off a fire extinguisher at his school. The 15-year-old sprayed water from the device in a crowded corridor at the school in Folkestone, Kent, covering some pupils and staff as well as the floor. Coinci...
Read full storyEU to Launch Social Network for Refugees
The European Union is set to launch a social network for refugees fleeing to Europe from Syria, to help migrants communicate with the country in which they wish to reside. Daily vast numbers of refugees cross European borders in the hope that a be...
Read full storyLove him or hate him you just can't get rid of him, Rooney!
English soccer has been use to mediocrity over the last 45 odd years and the shining example of this habit is in the one and only, Wayne Rooney (who?)! After breaking the English scoring record once held by a rather more talented, Sir Bobby Charlt...
Read full storyRowan County Clerk Kim Davis Facing Mandatory Gender Reassignment As Next Step in Rehabilitation
RC, Kentucky - Having learned nothing from her stint behind bars, Rowan County clerk Kim Davis is facing more extreme measures to bring her in line with the free-thinking world. After refusing to issue marriage licenses following a court ruling to...
Read full storyTrump claims multi multi multi cultural background
Donald Trump supporters, and other political groups with negative IQ's, have been stunned this morning by admissions from Trump's camp that he has a multi-cultural background. Spokesman for Trump, Elmo Goebbels made the announcement from Trump's...
Read full storyWhat's Next After Corbyn 'Chairman Mao Bike' Allegations?
According to the papers criticised by the following link, Jeremy Corbyn doesn't just ride any bicycle... He rides a CHAIRMAN MAO BICYCLE!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.thenational.scot/politics/his-chairman-mao-like-bicycle-right-wing-press-loses-the-plot-as-jeremy-corbyn-hits-out-at-poverty-deniers.7645 White supremacist tabloid-believers across the entire...
Read full storySepp Blatter outed as Andy Kaufman
The criminal investigation into Sepp Blatter has discovered that the Soccer boss is in fact Comedian and Prankster Andy Kaufman, who was thought to have died in 1984. Many people have over the years pointed out some similarities between Kaufman a...
Read full storyNewscorp announces a new 24/7 news network, GlockNews, to provide exclusive mass-shooting coverage.
New York, NY: In a statement today, Rupert Murdoch announced a new cable news network to focus solely on event details and aftermath coverage surrounding mass shootings in the United States. A Newscorp spokesman, Ted Trigger said, "The sheer amount o...
Read full storyChris the overgrown Australian sheep gets shaggers hot!
Chris the overgrown Australian sheep has been keeping shaggers at bay by growing a wooly protection outfit that was beyond belief! Sheep shaggers and shearers were having a rather perspiring time whilst attempting to make Chris naked, however, he...
Read full storyArtist Sues Psychiatrist for Curing Wrong Complaint
A struggling artist has got Psychiatric Therapists fearing for their livelihood after filing a legal suit for malpractice. In what could be a landmark case, twenty-two year old abstract painter Thomas Dolehead, paints a pretty clear picture of how...
Read full story'Is The Pope Catholic?' No, says Republican Congressman
Pope Francis, currently on tour,'isn't Catholic enough to be Pope', says Dennis Ladel a Republican congressman from central Arkansas. The freshman congressman objected to a number of positions the Pope took softening the Church opposition on gay ci...
Read full storyDrone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (2/2)
Last time, just for a change, President Obama Sanders-meandered around for a bit, and made very heavy weather of expressing his policy intentions. But at least he got around to admitting that the world is not just shades of grey, and that there is such a thing as objective good and evil, right? Either way, (or "both and neither," if you're a certain notable Swiftboat celebrity), here's the...
Read full storyRepublicans in the House Threaten to Shut Down the Government Unless the US Postal Service Comes Out with a New Stamp Honoring Ayn Rand
WASHINGTON, D.C.--House Republicans today threatened to shut down the government unless the US Postal Service comes out with a new memorial stamp honoring free-market hero Ayn Rand. Ayn Rand, who was already memorialized in a postage stamp that ca…
Read full storyPope Canonises Controversial Fryer
On his first trip to America, Pope Francis has made a saint out of a 39-year-old fish fryer who some say is more of a sinner. More than 30,000,000 people converged on a Washington Basilica Wednesday to witness the canonization of Danny Morgan, a f...
Read full storyBerkeley County Clerk Refuses to Issue Birth Certificates
Berkeley County, West Virginia - Following in the footsteps of Kim Davis, Berkeley County clerk, Jean Birman is refusing to issue birth certificates to children of unwed parents citing her ultra conservative religion. Her religion strongly condem...
Read full storyAfter Four Years of Failure, Obama Looks to Russia, North Korea and Iran for Help
WASHINGTON, DC - When President Barack Hussein Obama spoke at the United Nations Monday, he begged for cooperation with North Korea, Iran and Russia in an effort to end the Syrian civil war that has left the Middle East in ruin. Given the difficul...
Read full storyPrime Minister Penned in Piggate
UK Prime Minister Call Me Dave has admitted that he once had sexual intercourse with a pig as part of a game of 'Truth or Dare.' The game was carried out as part of the future prime minister's initiation into the exclusive and infamous 'Knobs Klub...
Read full storyCiting Irreconcilable Differences, Jesus Files for Divorce from Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis
HEAVEN--Jesus today, through his lawyers, filed for divorce from Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis. Citing himself (Matthew 7: 1-2), Jesus said, "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measur...
Read full storyWelsh gigalo gets elephant penis transplant
Welsh gigalo Bigboyo Davies has become the first human to successfully undergo a penis transplant from a donor elephant. Horace, a 20 year old African elephant at Barry Zoo, South Wales, succumbed to one-too-many fat old ladies riding bare back on hi...
Read full storyTrump Will Not Use "H" Word On Carly: She No Ho
BILLINGSGATE POST: Questioned by reporters last night on the mothballed battle ship, USS Iowa, as to whether he might be provoked enough by Carly Fiorina to use the "H" word to describe her professional past history. The Donald tucked on the bil...
Read full storyGermans claim most refugees arriving in Europe are Mexican - Trump implicated
In a startling development, German authorities have discovered that 75 per cent of all refugees arriving over the last three months are Mexicans carrying false Syrian passports. Even more startling, links to Donald Trump have been uncovered! Sec...
Read full storyJeremy Corbyn: Just another Joaquin Phoenix hoax
Jeremy Corbyn sensationally revealed today that he is in fact merely Joaquin Phoenix in disguise and that his successful Labour election campaign was only ever supposed to be a joke. "It's got a bit out of hand, to be honest," he told reporters. "...
Read full storyUpholding constitutional rights proves an easy feat for one University
President Tonto recently upheld the constitutional protection for students to bear arms within the classroom and other public and private areas on the campus of Dumas State University. For weeks, students have staged sit-ins and demonstrations evoki...
Read full storyJay Cutler suffers season threatening ego bruise
After putting on a convincing performance earlier in the loss against the Arizona Cardinals Sunday afternoon, Jay Cutler realized he just isn't that good and took a dive immediately after throwing a pick-6. The humiliation of making another glaringl...
Read full storyDarth Vader Welcomes Modi to Death Star: Says Gujarat was Model for Galactic Empire
PM Narendra Modi of India is continuing his trips to foreign lands and arrived in the Galactic Empire, the first Indian Prime Minister to do so. Earlier today, Darth Vader welcomed PM Narendra Modi to the Death Star. Modi inspected a Guard of Honor c...
Read full storyWoman Never Happier With Her Walker
84 year old Delan, FLA resident Maggie Walton will be the first to tell you that she's never been happier with her walker. Having suffered from debilitating osteoarthritis and a slew of other ailments that would cost too much to print, Walton has...
Read full storyDe Niro Back on Form with Latest Blockbuster.
Jake Slater is a top hitman for the CIA. Now nearing retirement he dreams of becoming a writer. This is his supreme passion, apart from murder. By chance, he meets Yvonne Badcheck while walking his dog along Miami beach and they quickly form a relationship. "I have never met anyone like you," she tells him. "You seem so cold and distant ... and yet... your poetry speaks to the heart. I wept w...
Read full storyCollege Student Lives For The Next Episodes of Romantic TV Show
College student Ronnie O'Brien stated to the press that she couldn't wait for the next season of True Love to come out. The season finale occurred earlier this month, and next season won't arrive until at least May of next year. On her calendar, she is counting down the days until the season approximate start date, and she's at 244 days, a very depressing figure. She feels like she is literally...
Read full storyBrendan Behan Poem Discovered
Among the belongings of the late great Irish writer and dramatist Brendan Behan has been discovered a short Romantic poem. Seemingly, Behan had visited the great Irish jump race meeting at Cheltenham in the spring of 1961 and wrote the poem on the back of a bookie slip that he evidently intended to throw away. It may well have been written by him for his own amusement. It is a parody on the wo...
Read full storyDon Blatter denies he's the Godfather
Swiss Authorities today announced a criminal investigation into corrupt actvities by Sepp Blatter (known variously as 'The Don', "'Sepp The Tongue'and 'Sepptic'", the President of world soccer governing body FIFA. From his heavily fortified famil...
Read full storyMalcolm Bullshite elected President of Australia
Tanks surround Parliament House in Canberra tonight after a bloody coup d'etat which saw hapless ex-President Tony Abcess dragged from the Chamber and summarily shot outside the fish and chip shop in the main street of the capital. He died with a dee...
Read full storyMigrants empathise with first world citizens.
"I can totally understand why some people are being very reluctant to help us, I wouldn't help someone who was at risk of being killed and having their family wiped out if it affected me in absolutely no way whatsoever. In fact, the entire situation...
Read full storyGreece turns economy around by exporting value-add refugees
In an unprecedented feat of economic management the Greek government has amassed a massive national mattress treasure chest in just 3 months and is considering buying parts of Germany with the surplus. Greek Finance Minister Lonus Badetus explaine...
Read full storyBlatter declares Wales to host 2034 World Cup
In an extraordinary announcement made by the FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, yesterday it was confirmed that Wales will host the Football World Cup in 2034. "We need to scale down", said Blatter. "Some people think FIFA is all about money. It isn't.
Read full storyNew to the UK? Here's how to React when Someone Tells You about their Party Membership
1. National Front Gape open-mouthed, as though someone has just told you England has won the World Cup, and it had nothing whatsoever to do with a malign conspiracy by naughty refs. Run away as fast as you can to evade the stench of their Millwall armpits. Gasp as follows: WTF? Is that even a thing these days? 2. SWP/Spartacists/Any other miniscule gang of jackbooted Trotskyite thugs...
Read full storyElton John wants intimate, private meeting with Putin!
Campaigning for gay rights in Russia, Elton John, has gone public and requested a very private meeting with mega-macho-hetero-President Putin! Putin replied in his typical stern, diplomatic manner; "Dear Elton, I have a perfect idea where you c...
Read full storyDonald Trump fails to sign pledge not to run for King in 2016
Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, announced Today that he has not signed a pledge not to run for King. He made the announcement after a meeting with Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus. Mr. Priebus did get Mr. Trump...
Read full storyHillary slams Clinton for Originating the "Obama Is A Muslim" Rumor
DURHAM, N.H. - 2015 Hillary Clinton blasted 2008 Hillary Clinton this afternoon for originating the rumor that President Obama is a Muslim. "She knew or she should have known that suggesting that our Supreme Leader, Barack Hussein Obama, was a Mus...
Read full storyInterview with a Hard-Punching Author
Forget Tolstoy and Charles Dickens, the hottest author on the college campuses and in the coffee shops these days is a hard-drinking, pugnacious poet who says he prefers watching TV and drinking beer to literary hobnobbing or writing. After years spent working odd jobs and cultivating a beer belly, fifty-four year-old Peter Bruchonski, better known to his friends as "Pug," is the darling of the in...
Read full storyMankind's most important inventions
After a year-long intensive survey conducted by the TAVISTOCK MIND CONTROL UNIT a list of Mankind's most important inventions has been published. The learned work of 666 pages with full explanatory notes was compiled by director of the project Hiram Abiff Blair, cousin of ex-British Prime Minister Tony Blair founder of the The Royal Battersea Asylum for the Totally Beguiled. We have here a...
Read full storyDrone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (1/2)
President Obama has conclusively refuted all the unpatriotic pinkos who hate America so much, they want to maliciously and opportunistically hinder his drone campaign… Which latter, as we all know and agree, exists purely in order for your safety alone. Read it with an open mind. Well, I mean, c'mon; at least he's not a neocon, right? ;) Now let me say this. Well, why not? I...
Read full storyRefugee Crisis Hits NHS Hard
The NHS is already buckling under a massively increased workload since the refugee crisis began. Doctors and nurses are struggling to cope as hospitals are being swamped with the influx of people affected by the current conflict in the middle east...
Read full storyOld Salford Sense of Humour
There have been fewer migrant incursions into the Channel Tunnel as word spreads through the Calais camp about what life in Britain is really like. I come to Britain because I thought it was fair, decent and beautiful country," said one man who id...
Read full storyNew Aussie PM Mal Bullshite gets personality transplant
23 million Aussies have woken up this week wondering if aliens abducted Malcolm Bullshite and replaced him with one of their own. Recent coup d'etat winner and serial smiling assassin Bullshite was sworn in as the latest Aussie Prime Minister this we...
Read full storyNew Study Suggests Climate Change Causing Liberals and Conservatives to Evolve Differently
WASHINGTON, DC - As climate change kills off some of their favorite things, liberals have responded to those losses by evolving shrill voices and more red pigment in their faces. Conservatives, on the other hand, have grown more rounded shoulders and...
Read full storyAnimal welfare standards promoted by chain restaurants, again
Denver, CO - Everyone in America remembers when Chipotle discontinued carnitas-based menu items when its pork supplier violated animal welfare standards. In an effort to communicate their value on the life of animals, chain restaurants throughout the...
Read full story'Come on in' - European Leaders set an Example by taking in Refugees
At Downing Street, Mr and Mrs Cameron have vacated two rooms in the attic to create space for a Somalian family of 13. "We all need to pull our fingers out", explained Mr Cameron enigmatically. Rooms at Buckingham Palace were not yet available, ex...
Read full storyDavid Cameron killed Cock Robin
Serialisation of the unauthorised biography of David Cameron continues today in the Daily Mate. Sources close to Lord Asscroft have indicated that they once heard the story from his "Bullington Club" days. The only witness to the brutal murder of Coc...
Read full storyDemocrats finally have enough Senate votes to stifle Americans
WASHINGTON, DC - Three Democrat senators announced today that they will vote in support of the nuclear deal with Iran. In a new CNN poll, released yesterday, 56% of Americans now say they think Congress should reject the deal with Iran -- up from...
Read full storyCyril The Lion To Be Canonized
Head of the catholic church Pope Francis has raised eyebrows amongst his followers after the release of a list of proposed future saints which includes the name of deceased celebrity big cat Cyril the Lion who looks set to be named as The Patron Sain...
Read full story"You Have A Beautiful Face, Mrs. Ed," Said The Donald
BILLINGSGATE POST: Rodney Dangerfield couldn't have said it better. In the debate exchange between Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina the other night, Jake Tapper asked Carly what she thought of Trump's disparaging comments about her face. She coolly r...
Read full storyHillary Clinton sparks outrage by claiming no Republican should be President
WASHINGTON, DC - Hilary Clinton says the United States should not elect a Republican president. "I would not advocate that we put a Republican in charge of this nation." Ms. Clinton said Sunday. Clinton's comment comes on the heels of GOP front...
Read full storyPrince Phillip photographed naked with 3 legged donkeys
Prominent London Paparazzo Phil Malonglens has scooped sensational photographs of HRH Prince Phillip (no relation) in a compromising position with two 3-legged donkeys in a shed in the seaside town of Blackpool, UK. Malonglens commented. "I got a...
Read full storyAn Immigrant Makes An Early Morning Visit To A German Farmer
A German farmer hears a knock upon his door early one morning. Upon opening it he is greeted by the sight of a bedraggled immigrant family outside with a number of children. They are wearing tattered and torn clothes native to their area of the globe. "Good day!" says the lightly bearded, smiling man in heavily accented English who must be the father of the family. "We have just snuck across y...
Read full storyPope Francis declines lunch invitation by dirty bums to dine with homeless instead
On the day of his much publicized arrival in the United States Pope Francis politely declined an invitation to have lunch with some of the top leaders in Washington to serve lunch to the homeless at St. Patrick's Church in Washington D.C. House...
Read full storyAustralian Prime Minister raises refugee intake to 20 million
Aussie Prime Minister Tony Abbott has relaxed Australia's refugee migration rules and has agreed to take in up to 20 million refugees this year. Mr Abbott made the announcement at the Australian Hitler Youth Convention in Sydney this afternoon. "...
Read full storyObama Issues Exexutive Order To Make Americans Get Exactly What They Deserve
WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama unveiled a plan to make federal agencies deliver services that Americans may not want or desire. Obama's executive order formally established the White House's Social and Behavioral Sciences Team and tasked agencie...
Read full storyNew Jersey Considers
The state of New Jersey has been in a declining economic situation for some time. The gaming industry has fallen on hard times, jobs are still moving overseas, and the effects of storm Sandy are still being felt. Budget cuts are a large factor in...
Read full storyFace Sitting League Latest
West Bum Vs. Chelsea Chelsea's new £21 million signing Pedro helped the Poos to their first win of the Face Sitting League this season. Two goals from West Bum's James Morrison wasn't enough for the Baggie Pants, and despite captain John Terry'...
Read full storyDonald Trump urges focus on angry white men in Congressional White Caucus speech
WASHINGTON, DC - Today, Donald Trump pressed for a greater focus on helping angry white men who are more likely to be stuck in minimum wage jobs, have higher rates of illness and face higher rates of incarceration than others. His speech delivered...
Read full storyRaising Hell on the Canal
Back in the 90's Rosie and Jim had it all. A canal barge with an artist on board, a duck companion and a multibillion pound contract with Ragdoll productions to record their childish antics that were beamed into millions of UK homes. However, fast fo...
Read full storyGhost in the Machine
Due to be released for sales in November, Mattel's Hello Barbie will feature deep artificial intelligence, much like Apple's Siri. With a WiFi connection, Hello Barbie will generate 8000+ responses and hopes to become your little girl's best friend. In the past, Mattel has come in for much criticism for reinforcing stereotypical attitudes in young girls rather than expanding the possibilities o...
Read full storyJ.C. The Demon Madman
Britain has been seized by a Mad Demon who is about to end all civilised behaviour in the country. With the cover of a name culled from the Bible J.C. has struck terror into the heart of this great democratic nation. We have to beware. Out secu...
Read full storyBaltimore Mayor Announces Presidential Run
BALTIMORE, MD - Baltimore Mayor, Democrat Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, will not seek re-election in 2016, but she announced that she will be seeking the office of President of the United States. Rawlings-Blake (D) "led" the city during unrest followi...
Read full storyChris Christie Shits Out a Large FedEx Tracking Chip
Chris Christie ended up in an ER in Passaic today after tearing his asshole while shitting out a (supposedly edible) electronic FedEx human tracking device. "I ate this elephant sized electronic FedEx thing yesterday. And today, it got stuck s...
Read full storyOscar Pistorius chews his own arms off
South African Paralympian Oscar Pistorius, currently incarcerated for the shooting killing of his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, has chewed both his arms off in prison. Pistorius faces an appeal by South African state prosecutors for a longer sentence t...
Read full storyLocal Man Caught Dead in Rustlers
St. Joseph, Missouri - Icing conditions were blamed for a fatal accident on I-29 that left 68 year old Mitch Tanner caught dead by paramedics in his Rustler jeans. First responder Nate McGowen was the first to catch the victim wearing the bloodi...
Read full storyElizabeth Waynes
Fans of Queen Elizabeth took to Twitter today to celebrate her overtaking Wayne Rooney's England scoring record. As she has been on the throne for 63 years and Rooney is only 30 it is clear who has wayned the longest. The national anthem has been...
Read full storyUS Cadets injured in huge pillow fights!
A new training program has been introduced at the prestigious US cadet academy, West Point, pillow fighting! Several cadets were seriously injured after it was discovered that the pillows were filled with plastic feathers not goose ones. It seems...
Read full storyPopcorn Box Sex Beats Sodomy Hands Down All Gender Study Reports
BILLINGSGATE POST: The tradition of popcorn box sex is almost as old as Orvil Redenbacher. In a newly released report titled, "The Comparative Study of Sexual Behavior Between Popcorn Boxes and Human Beings," Indiana University Professor Nookie Pr...
Read full story