Pope Canonises Controversial Fryer

Funny story written by D P Whitehead

Thursday, 24 September 2015

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On his first trip to America, Pope Francis has made a saint out of a 39-year-old fish fryer who some say is more of a sinner.

More than 30,000,000 people converged on a Washington Basilica Wednesday to witness the canonization of Danny Morgan, a fish fryer from a local Long John Silver's.

He will be extolled as a self-sacrificing cook who gave up a cushy position in Baltimore in his 20s to spread his knowledge of fish frying to the people Washington.

But to some, Morgan's achievements are nothing to celebrate. They say he created an epidemic of obesity, heart disease and greed in the area.

"It is very offensive to canonize the person who actually help block my arteries, caused several people heart attacks, strokes and a lifetime of 'fatty' jokes," said Anthony Barker, chairman of the local weight watchers club. "How can that behavior be recognized as saintly behavior?"

The drive to make Morgan a saint began in 2009, and Francis fast-tracked his canonization, allowing it to go forward on the strength of only one miracle: The production of over 350 boxed meals in one night.

Mark Sands, a professor of fast food history at Santa Clara University who has written a book about Morgan, said it's probably no accident that a pope who loves fried food would support Morgan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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