Animal welfare standards promoted by chain restaurants, again

Funny story written by Brandy Pasquino

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

image for Animal welfare standards promoted by chain restaurants, again
A fine example of providing an adequate level of care to a furry friend.

Denver, CO - Everyone in America remembers when Chipotle discontinued carnitas-based menu items when its pork supplier violated animal welfare standards. In an effort to communicate their value on the life of animals, chain restaurants throughout the U.S. have stopped offering meat-, poultry-, and seafood-based menu items. This action follows new animal welfare standards that have been set in America, which calls for an end to the unfair and inhumane premature death of animals.

"When we're talking about humans, there is no question that ending someone's life prematurely is wrong - we want this thinking to be applied to the animal kingdom," says Mr. Fox of the National Restaurant Association. "We are in no way calling for an end to the consumption of animals, we just don't believe people should consume animals who have been killed before their nature-determined endpoint," he added. What Mr. Fox is referring to, is the so-called "hospice standard" for the consumption of animals: that is, it is not morally questionable to consume an animal who has died of natural causes provided that there was no possibility of extending its life using the world's best medical care.

Animal rights activists have applauded the National Restaurant Association's initiative, calling it "one of mankind's biggest steps toward moral purity."

And some have argued that the initiative will have benefits that go beyond extending animal life-years such as productivity gains for humans. "Long animal lives means that there's a greater potential for increasing the work output of animals for humankind," says Economist Mr. Palm. "Of course, there must be protections in place to ensure that the animals are not overstressed or overworked as that could negatively impact their health," added Mr. Palm.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more