Written by Steddyeddy

Tuesday, 8 September 2015

image for Allahuh Ak Bar opens in Bradford

A new non-alcoholic kebab bar has opened in Bradford today specialising in vegetarian and gluten-free kebabs, although in an effort not to insult some potential customers, it won't be declared nut-free.

Thought by cynics to be named after the hue and cry of extremists all over the world, it is in fact the brainchild of Allahuh Ak, a former resident of Guantanamo Bay who was granted Bradford citizenship in the recent Queen's Birthday Honours List.

Mr Ak, who is himself a secondary vegetarian (he wont eat a cow that has eaten meat), said he saw a gap in the market, that is, where the fruit and veg stall used to be.

"I am an award-winning pitta baker" he said, "and want to serve my food to the the vegetarians of Bradford. This is potentially a good idea of mine, as not many people from Hull, Glasgow or East Grinstead will travel all the way to Bradford just for a kebab."

His food, which can also be taken away - probably a good idea as he hasn't any tables and chairs by his stall - is a rich mixture of exotic, far-Eastern ingredients, some of which have already been taken away by Trading Standards for 'research' purposes. Menu items include:

* Autumn Kebab - while trying to eat it, the contents fall out all over your shirt and shoes
* Hamas Kebab - a mixture of vegetables and seasonal salad ingredients with a very heavy accent on rocket
* Kebab a lá Isis - the exotic root vegetables and spices, gently hand-ground to maintain the richness of taste simply explode with flavour in your mouth
* Galloway Kebab - crammed with Mr Ak's patented "weeping eye beans", this sour kebab is guaranteed to take your taste-buds to an "entirely new level".

As a special opening promotion, the first 100 customers will receive a free paper serviette.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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