Kentucky Court Clerk Nearing Completion of Preparations for Martyrdom Speaking Tour

Funny story written by Catchthisdrift

Tuesday, 1 September 2015


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Jeb Bush came out in support of Davis, unless he'll lose votes because of it, then, he opposes her actions.

Morehead, Rowan County, KY - Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis has nearly completed her preparations to become a martyr and speaker on the subject of the abomination of same-sex marriage.

Davis decided earlier this year that she wanted to make a career change from County Clerk to someone who breaks the law to garner national attention and get invited to speak at various political and religious gatherings. The change will allow Davis to vastly increase her yearly income, and to meet a variety of media-whore politicians and social pundits who publicly decry the legalization of same-sex marriage.

When asked about her potential earnings from her new career, Davis responded, "Oh, I'm not doing this for the money. I never even thought about anything like that. I'm refusing to issue those sinful licenses because I am standing firmly on what God says in the bible no matter what the Supreme Court says. As a County Clerk for Rowan County, it is my duty to not do my job and not follow the law because I don't want to. That's what God wants me to do. My reward will come in Heaven after I leave this sinful world."

However, comments made by Davis to her husband when she thought her microphone was turned off appear to contradict those statements. In the audio recording, Davis is clearly heard saying "Did that sound all right? I thought it went well. Have you talked to Pat Robertson's people yet? Are they going to pony up the thirty five thousand we asked for?"

Davis lost her final remaining legal battle that would have allowed her to continue to deny issuing the marriage licenses when the United States Supreme Court - the same entity that ruled that same-sex marriage is legal - denied her appeal.

United States Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, who wrote the majority opinion which makes un-Constitutional any State Law that prohibits same-sex marriage, was clearly frustrated by the attention being garnered by Davis. Said Justice Kennedy, "It's just sad. She breaks the law. She does so knowingly with forethought, and she gets rich and famous for it? She becomes a martyr? That's just fucked up."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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