Soccer's Green Card Plan. Insert Your Own Trump Immigration Jokes Here

Funny story written by Chris Paxman

Friday, 11 September 2015

It's happened again.

People's inability to read a news story to the end has got immigration fretters wearing away the last strand holding their heads on.

European soccer chiefs this week announced a scheme to introduce green cards to professional matches. As well as carrying yellow cards for fouls and misconduct, and red cards for dismissals, referees can now issue green cards in a Nursery-inspired attempt to reinforce positive behaviour among players.

If the scheme proves a success it could soon find its way to the beautiful game in the United States. Cue public fears of soccer matches turning into queues for the immigration office.

The expected remarks featuring Donald Trump and Mexicans have so far failed to materialise. It seems the enthusiasm for 'Top Trumps' is waning. ''I was going to make a joke about Trump building defensive walls on the edge of the area for free-kicks, but I can barely muster the effort,'' said fake news writer Chris Paxman, bizarrely quoting himself and then commenting on it in the third person.

A spokesperson for the FIFA Soccer Federation said,''I can confirm they will just be rectangles of stiff card. They will not bestow any residency status on the player. Making a cheap joke about immigration is pretty low. And can't you just leave Trump out of it for once?''

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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