"I can totally understand why some people are being very reluctant to help us, I wouldn't help someone who was at risk of being killed and having their family wiped out if it affected me in absolutely no way whatsoever. In fact, the entire situation has just reminded me that a lion was killed in Zimbabwe, did you hear about that? It was atrocious. That event, in turn, reminded me of a time when the roof of my house caved in after a bombing. I thought to myself: "blimey, if only I had chosen to be born in Kent."
It's all superficial of course, I only lost two members of my family so I should consider myself fortunate really: there's people in Tunbridge Wells that suddenly remembered that homeless people exist. I mean, it's tough times for everyone really.
Truth be told, if anything I feel a little bit guilty in being an inconvenience to everyone. As the old saying goes: "If you can't protect your family from inhumane bombings and war and murders and famine then you shouldn't have a family." Never before has that been more applicable, ey?
To be brutally honest, I only recently had my wife and daughter tested to see if they were human beings, turns out they are, so everyone's relieved about that, swings and roundabouts isn't it?
I have to be fair to English people, all we really want is to move over there on a first class flight, be given a five bedroom house with a BMW 3 Series, occasionally steal £100,000 a week in benefits, piss on the faces of every single homeless person and rape and pillage every other town and city, they really got our motives spot on.
I can fully see where everyone is coming from, I mean we are just going to be a burden on everyone by trying to stay alive.
The entirety of the world has our apologies."
