Written by Toeknee Abcess

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

23 million Aussies have woken up this week wondering if aliens abducted Malcolm Bullshite and replaced him with one of their own. Recent coup d'etat winner and serial smiling assassin Bullshite was sworn in as the latest Aussie Prime Minister this week and hasn't stopped smiling so much that some believe he's had the smile tattooed on.

Reporter Janice Wetlips took a streetside opinion poll in Melbourne yesterday.  Dave from Ballarat commented, "Jaysus, who's this new PM bloke? Can't be Mal Bullshite. This bloke is using words like 'respect my colleagues' and 'collaborate'. The real Bullshite is a man who thinks that listening to anyone else's views is time wasting. He makes Donald Trump look like Ghandi. Mate when he won his original preselection for the seat of Wentworth off Peter King in 2004, he told King to 'Fuck off and get out of my way.' And he was in a good mood that day."

Sceptics point to some dodgy Bullshite statements recently as evidence not much has changed. Raylene from Broadmeadows offered a balanced viewpoint. "Mal has nice blue eyes and a nice house in Sydney Harbour and he can leave his expensive Italian shoes under my Ikea mattress any time he likes. But yous gotta wonder why he's putting all these sheelahs in his cabinet when most of 'em can barely make toast. Anyone would think he's trying to look cool and modern with so many chicks around him. He probably wants to boss them around. And Jeez he's got one of everythin' in there, an indigenous, a dwarf, a one-legged Defence Minister and even a Mexican. What'll he think of next next aye darl?"

Political correspondents agree Mal is a big improvement on assassinated former PM Tony Abcess but have started counting down the days until the next coup.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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