Popcorn Box Sex Beats Sodomy Hands Down All Gender Study Reports

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 8 September 2015

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Is Not Sex

BILLINGSGATE POST: The tradition of popcorn box sex is almost as old as Orvil Redenbacher. In a newly released report titled, "The Comparative Study of Sexual Behavior Between Popcorn Boxes and Human Beings," Indiana University Professor Nookie Prolapse writes about her observation of undocumented heterosexuals, polyamorous bisexual daisy-chainers, gay and lesbian non-determiners, transgender unchained multi-culturists, and lastly, documented sexual visionaries.

To be expected, some of the students who volunteered for the study had never heard of popcorn box sex. However, when introduced to this type of sex, nearly 100 percent of each group said it was "at least as satisfying as sodomy once you stopped eating the popcorn." Some individuals, who had religiously based qualms about sodomy, felt that it was a viable alternative to that forbidden fruit.

Predictably, when questioned about the comparative depth of intimacy between the two acts, most respondents said they bonded more deeply with the popcorn box because it offered more surprises and unexpected pleasures.

Professor Prolapse said, "I wasn't surprised by the outcome of this study. Popcorn boxes are as American as apple pie."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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