Aussie Prime Minister Tony Abbott has relaxed Australia's refugee migration rules and has agreed to take in up to 20 million refugees this year.
Mr Abbott made the announcement at the Australian Hitler Youth Convention in Sydney this afternoon. "I'm pleased to announce that we're gonna stump up and take our fair share of raghead, sorry I mean Middle Eastern migrants. This has nothing to do with my personal popularity currently being lower than a prize bull's scrotum"
"The new immigration qualification rules come into effect at midnight. All that anyone has to do to be walmly welcomed to our lucky country is meet a few simple requirements:
1. Not Muslim, Catholic, Jewish or Welsh, and
2. Surname begins with Z or Q, and
3 Has a grandmother called "Ethel" or "Vera", and
4. Has met Elvis Presley, or has drunk from his toilet bowl, and
5. Can recite the Old Testament backwards in Swahili, and
6. Last, but not least, can touch their bums with their eyebrows."
Australian Labour opposition leader Bill Shortarse has criticised the new rules as been too harsh. "Clearly most people can only touch their genitals with their eyebrows so we will be opposing the new rules in the Senate".
Prime Minister Abbott was unfazed by Shortarse's predictable contrary stance and concluded his press statement by saying "Bill Shortarse should admit that our new rules will accelerate decisions to accept refugees into our lucky country. Just 6 simple questions and, hey presto, our refugees can look forward to a new life in the new Australian territory of Cambodia. Thank you for your time today."
