Born Again Stripper Refuses to Strip at the Brass Ass Because of Her Religious Convictions

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Sunday, 27 September 2015

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Pinky Boudoir, Champion for Religious Liberty

NEWPORT, KY--Proclaiming that her soul now stands naked before Jesus, Pinky Boudoir, a stripper at the Brass Ass in Newport, Kentucky, said that her religious beliefs no longer allow her to strip at her place of employment. Her employer, Harry Tedesco, has insisted that if Pinky no longer strips at the Brass Ass, she will no longer have a job there.

Advocates from the Religious Right immediately came to Pinky's defense, saying that Tedesco should make "reasonable accommodations" for Pinky, in light of her religious beliefs. Said Mike Huckabee, "Surely, Mr. Tedesco can make some kind of reasonable accommodation for Ms. Boudoir at the Brass Ass. Maybe she can serve drinks or greet the clients with Bibles as they walk in."

But Tedesco has said that they already have perfectly capable waitresses to serve drinks, and there's already someone, Rick the Bouncer, to greet clients at the door.

Ted Cruz, too, came to Ms. Boudoir's defense, saying that Harry Tedesco and employers "of his ilk" are "discriminating against the hardworking, God-fearing exotic dancers who made our nation great." Cruz continued, looking earnestly at anyone who might stick a microphone in his face, "Religious liberty is imperiled in this country as never before!"

Harry Tedesco, however, had to let Pinky go, imperiling religious liberty even more.

The Family Research Council came to the rescue of Ms. Boudoir, however, by offering her work in one of their Christ-centered daycare centers (called Angels Petite), where Pinky was offered the going rate for daycare workers in Kentucky, which, at $9.50 per hour, is just above minimum wage.

Addendum: After a week at Angels Petite, Pinky Boudoir is apparently back at the Brass Ass stripping for a living, explaining, "I'm all for religious liberty, and I truly love the Lord, but I have to feed my kids."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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