Jay Cutler suffers season threatening ego bruise

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Monday, 21 September 2015

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After putting on a convincing performance earlier in the loss against the Arizona Cardinals Sunday afternoon, Jay Cutler realized he just isn't that good and took a dive immediately after throwing a pick-6. The humiliation of making another glaringly obvious bad decision was just enough to cause the ego bruise, which forced Cutler to accept his own meager limitations and quit like he usually does.

His back-up, Jimmy Clausen, stated that he can operate the offense at the same level as Cutler, which solicited groans of pain and anguish from the gathered members of the Chicago press.

Cutler promised to come back as soon as his bruise healed, but couldn't commit to when that might be.

"This one smarts pretty good," he stated. "It might take me a while to recover."

Jay Cutler has been plagued by badly timed ego bruises throughout his career. The most infamous relapse of this condition occurred during the 2011 NFC championship game.

No word on what Chicago's long term plans at quarterback is, but the fact that Jay Cutler is their regular starter suggests not much of plan exists.

Speculation has risen that they may reach out to their previous long term solution at quarterback and bring back Rex "The Mad Bomber" Grossman, but that rumor has yet to be confirmed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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