Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

image for Roman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese
Just loading some petty cash aboard his ocean-going yacht The Rasputin

New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich is reported to have trousered one billion US dollars this week after brokering the oil scam of the century pawning Ecuador's annual $13 billion crude sales to China's Hoo Flung Dung Energy Corp.

The deal sees the busted flush government of Ecuador's President Rafael Correa secure billions of dollars of Chinese debt financing in return for the rights to 90% of Ecuador's future oil shipments.

Abramovich's cut is believed to have been paid in millions of barrels of crude amid reports that an Ecuador-based oil tanker, the MV PetroEcuador Princess, flying the Abramovich-registered flag of a hammer and sickle crossed with a Jolly Roger, was spotted disgorging her massive payload at Saudi Arabia's Ras Tanura oil terminal on Monday.

This morning an OPEC minister who now wishes he'd kept his gob shut told Upstream World reporters that Abramovich's recent Manhattan property shopping spree had left the Russian gangster teetering on the edge:

"Zee new ho in Roman's life eez cleaning him out financially," His Excellency commented, "poor bastard was down to eez last fifty million until zees deal."

The Mr 10% pawning brokerage deal came about because Ecuador remains blacklisted on international credit markets after deliberately defaulting $3.2 billion in debt in 2008.

That action, dubbed by the IMF as one of the worst of the Correa government's psychotic episodes, also saw Ecuador attempt to blag it's way out of megabuck debt by arranging to screw in the Ecuadorean law courts some $19 billion from US super major Chevron in a KGB Eco-scam run by NYC shyster lawyer Steven Donziger.

Rafael Correa's birth parents are Bianca Jagger and George W Bush.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more