Unemployed Texans Used To Feed Homeless
A Dallas based Food company has found a creative way of feeding the cities ever growing homeless population, the unemployed. Using cutting edge human to food technology, the folks at "I Can't Believe it's Not Chicken" are helping shrink the rank...
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Duck Dynasty Phil Robertson: More Controversy
"Last time I told those people the truth about the Druids and their trees but I wanted to warn them about a few other thangs! Robertson as usual started slow and then got all wound up and somewhat louder as he recorded his message. He then shut...
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NSA Shows Older al-Qaeda Spy Recording (Translated)
Ben Laden: Hello! Al-Qaeda#2 Hello! Word please? Laden: Hello! Al Qaeda #2 Word please? Laden: There's a word? Q2: Hello? Laden: Let's see. Martyrdom? Q2: Hello? Laden: This is Osama Bin Laden! Q2: Yes, this is bin Laden. Laden: NO. I mean I am Bin Laden! Q2 I just said that. Laden: Hello? Q2 Come in! Laden: This is Bin Laden! Q2: I heard...
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Justin Bieber To Do Beatles, Paul McCartney Album (Taking Break To Record)
I guess a lot of older fans of Justin Bieber could see this one coming and they seemed to be in favor as a whole. But, we now here that Justin Bieber is taking time off to go over a lot of the Beatles stuff that he has purchased to record and to reco...
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Daniel Snyder, It's Time for You to Get Out of the Game
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Daniel Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins, didn't need to fire Mike Shanahan on "Black Monday." Shanahan isn't the problem. He's a winning coach with two Super Bowl championships to prove it. No, Snyder needs to fire himself.
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Justin Bieber Retires From Music To Become A Speck of Lint You See Left Hand Middle Of Your Laptop
LOS ANGELES, CA - Justin Bieber held a press conference today to announce that he retires and will begin the New Year as a speck of lint. "But I don't want to be any speck of lint, just the speck of lint you see on the left hand side middle of yo...
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I was trapped at an Eisteddfod in Aberystwyth
Severely traumatised and finally emerging from a Swiss clinic after seven years of therapy, this is Jack Schitt's story as told to Blodwyn Jones, our Welsh affairs correspondent: Exactly as things happened: Announcement: Welcome to the Eisteddfod! If you want to shelter from the rain, or find some towels, whatever the weather at this year's Eisteddfod, call at Aberystwyth University's sta...
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Obama's "Anti-Terrorism Branch"
Hope was a dying ember in a decaying star. The populous was living in constant fear; they were afraid to leave their dwellings, afraid to trust anyone who wasn't a white, heterosexual, Christian American for fear they may be terrorists. The working c...
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Louisiana Names Duck Dynasty's Robertson Family As Its 2013 Family of The Year
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana - State Senator Howie Du Croissant [R-Shreveport] has just informed the news media that the state has decided to honor the Robertson family, stars of the hit A&E television show Duck Dynasty. Senator Du Croissant stated...
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God Admits: "Pope Francis is right. The jig's up. There is no hell."
HEAVEN--In an interview God held with CNN's Anderson Cooper on Sunday, He admitted that Pope Francis was right when he said, "The church no longer believes in a literal hell where people suffer. This doctrine is incompatible with the infinite love of...
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President Obama to Reinvent the Wheel
Special to TPN - After the resounding success of the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), President Obama has decided to launch a new effort to reinvent the wheel. Leading this initiative will be former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, best known for hav...
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Holy water breakthrough. Healing water to be sprayed on people by Papal crop sprayers
A concentrated form of holy water, prepared by methods similar to those used for Homeopathic medicines is to be used to bless the entire world every week. Squadrons of adapted crop sprayers are to take off from Cathedrals around the world on massive...
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"It's Over!" Bill de Blasio. Tired of Stepping in Horse Sh*t!
Mayor-elect Bill de Blasio has vowed to act quickly to abolish horse-drawn carriages in the city, especially around Central Park. Many will argue over this as they say New York is losing all its traditions. "What are our kids to do that love ri...
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Man Arrested While Running Through Hall Naked Yelling "BINGO!!!"
Louisville, Kentucky - Everybody loves a Bingo winner. In fact the 1967 song by William Bell provides an excellent musical accompaniment to this story if there are those looking for a multimedia experience, according to the Louisville Journal. Las...
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SIM card-themed crop circle channels ET Call Home plea
Chualar, California - It's looking increasingly likely that someone, probably ET, forgot to call their Mom and Pop over the Yuletide holidays after a huge SIM card-themed crop circle appeared at a Chualar Canyon Road farm field in the Salinas Valley...
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Psychologists Worried About Growth Of 'Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome'- In Other Words- Christmas Shopping Madness!
Mental authorities are warning of the expansion of a relatively new psychic dysfunction they have named PBFBS- Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome. It is the description given when the shopping instinct that many have developed in many countries contin...
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Housing estate built on Butlins' Barry Island site haunted by Sir Billy Butlin
"Most Hauntings" spin-off series, "Night Con" claims that the ghost of Sir Billy Butlin is walking through the rooms of a housing estate built on the ghostly remains of derelict Butlins' Barry Island Resort at night. Former T.V medium, Derrick Ac...
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New Year delayed after Congress fails to reset date ceiling
Washington DC - America will have to spend an extra week in 2013, thanks to the latest congressional mishap. It seems that the House and Senate failed to reset what is known as "the date ceiling" before leaving on holiday recess, an oversight th...
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Top Ten Spots to Send Your Evil Mother-in-Law on Vacation
Many people have mother-in-laws that they like, or that they already live far enough away from. For those others, here are the vacation spots a typical evil mother-in-law might enjoy: 1. Mogadishu, Somalia-There is basically no federal government in Somalia, a country known chiefly for its buccaneers of the waters, pillaging tourist vessels and anything that ventures too close. Promote this...
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Kim Jong Un's Sex Video Is The Top Pornographic DVD In Sweden
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A representative for Sweden's Ya Porn Corporation has just stated that Kim Jong Un's sex video is selling out in retail stores faster than it can be stocked on the shelves. Ya Porn reports that the DVD is titled Rice Paddy Girl...
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Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert's Marriage Is Headed For The Last Roundup
NASHVILLE - The country music couple who many felt was happier than Tim McGraw and Faith Hill appear to have come to a fork in the road as far as their 2½ year marriage is concerned. A close friend of the country crooners has said that Miranda is...
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Jennifer Lawrence Fires Back At Joan Rivers Saying She Looks Like A Friggin' Space Alien
TULSA, Oklahoma - Jennifer Lawrence, star of The Hunger Games was visiting an old friend in Tulsa when she was asked about her recent feud with Joan Rivers. Lawrence smiled and said that she has no idea why the Yiddish Witch From Hell attacked her...
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Jesse James Is Furious About His New Tattoo
LOS ANGELES - Jesse James, the former Mr. Sandra Bullock, is reportedly very upset at his latest tattoo which he had done in Tijuana, Mexico. It seems that James told the tattoo artist identified as Tattoo Torres that he wanted a tattoo of a Komod...
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A Sexy Cucamonga Woman Caught With 8,000 Fake Viagra Pills In Her Panties
SAN DIEGO - U.S. Custom Agents report that they have apprehended a very attractive young woman from Cucamonga, California with 8,000 fake Viagra pills hidden in her Victoria's Secret panties. Sharleen Flameleaf, 24, who told custom agents that she...
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Robin Roberts Finally Admits To Being A Lesbian
NEW YORK CITY - After years and years of denial, Good Morning America's Robin Roberts has finally admitted that she is a practicing lesbianite. The 53-year-old Roberts actually thought that no one knew but she was surprised to learn that roughly 6...
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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Have Picked Out The Name For Their Next Baby
HOLLYWOOD - Kanye West and Kim Kardashina are still gushing over the birth of their first child who they named North West. Kanye has told his friends that he is so in love with Kim that he has never enjoyed engaging in the hokey pokey more than he...
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Megyn Kelly: Most U.S. Presidents Have Been White
NEW YORK CITY - FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly has languished being in the national spotlight and she is not about to let it get away from her; just yet. Kelly stated on her show The Kelly File that most U.S. presidents have been white. She made...
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A Judge Orders 86½ Pound Nicole Richie To Gain Some Weight
BEVERLY HILLS - When it comes to weight Nicole Richie makes LeAnn Rimes and Christina Aguilera, who are both skinny, look like Carnie Wilson. Richie, who is considered a Hollywood celebutante along the lines of Paris Hilton, recently told Barbara...
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Elusive Cronut Smuggler Fred Dietrich Arrested in Columbia
Cartagena, Columbia---Food and Drug Administration task enforcer Phillip Reinhart announced early this morning that his hard working team had finally captured legendary cronut smuggler and New York City native Fred Dietrich after an exhaustive 18-mon...
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